Eating on a Jet Plane

I got to fly the infamous American Domestic flight yesterday. It's been a few years now and I forgot that things had changed.

So I revert a smidgen upon arrival in the US. Call it the giddy American girl who forgets she exists until she crosses the "Welcome to Houston, Texas" sign.  I remember customer service and that I am always right. It just makes me so pleased my panties tie up in a bundle.

We get on our second flight and I'm reminded by the flight attendant that there is no snack on board. I am more than welcome to buy one. That pisses me off. No snack?! No nuts?!  No crackers?!  Really, you can't afford to give a girl a cracker?  I then see everyone else pulling out subway and packed sandwiches. They were prepared.

See, right there. That was the American girl who snuck in and got a bit cranky over a cracker.  Actually, it was more about what she is entitled to seeing how much she spent for that flight.

Oh there she goes again.

Anyway, that's when it hits me, it's a 2.5 hr flight.  2.5 hours people.  You don't need to eat.  I seriously doubt every person on that plane had some sort of glucose disorder or was on a body builder's diet of 6 small evenly distributed meals.

The problem is, we Americans feel the need to eat when we sit.  It's very much a, oh I'm sitting so to compensate I should put something in my mouth. Maybe that's why there so much alcohol consumption and sex on American campuses.

And I fall for it too. Whatever will I do with myself and my 2 kids on a 2.5 hour flight without a fridge, pantry full of food, and/or a waiter.

Regardless, we survived. Yes, I bought the damn crackers. I have kids people and I neglected to pack them lunch. Bad Mommy.

Let's just hope I can remember a little of the Brazilian and keep my mouth closed, that is unless there's an actual meal in front of me, a cold beer, a kid not wearing socks, or  a hot guy I need to grunt at.

Fingers crossed!

What's Your School Uniform?

 School/daycare in Rio de Janeiro took some getting used to.   Not the system or teachers but the bathing. 

I really didn't know how to handle it when I found out that the daycare my 1 year old was in was giving him a bath every day. I was like, say what?! 

It went something like this:

Rants "Why do you need to bath him?"
School "It's hot and they are sweaty."
Rants "So, I'll bath him when he gets home. It's weird"
School "Why is it weird?"
Rants "How do I know someone isn't doing something they shouldn't"
School "What are you talking about"
Rants "I'm talking about with my child! In a bath!"
School "What's wrong with you, you sick bastard?!"

The weirdest part of the whole conversation was that it all happened inside my head.  I never actually confronted the school. They bathed each and every child after lunch and before nap.  Everyone under the sun, including the parking guy if anyone asked, considered it a given. 

Crazy American Mom not bathing her child 3 times a day, especially before nap and bedtime... and after the park, after eating a messy meal, and we can't forget before seeing Grandma.

Now this boy is older and in a proper school. Guess what, they run around in their underwear when it starts getting hot here. That or their speedo which is basically the same thing. The littler girls also run around in underwear and the bigger ones in bikinis. This goes up through 1st and 2nd grade.  Maybe a little higher.

And you know what, I think it rocks. It is hotter than hell. Why shouldn't my kid be able to play outside in as little as possible, all bits covered of course. My youngest, in the infant 1 class, does get a bath on particularly messy or sweaty days.  They also let the kids up to 4 years old spend 30 min in the "aquatic park" aka 2 blow up pools and a hose. 

It took some getting used, I must say.  Initially, the idea of my kid running around his school in his underwear or in just his shorts (no shirt) seemed wrong.  Why are you taking off his clothes!

But that's the thing, they aren't taking off their clothes to take off their clothes.  They are letting the kids be more comfortable.  That and Brazilians have a HUGE obsession with bathing, especially in the summer. Any good school would help the younger ones stay clean and feel more comfortable.  The older kids can fend for themselves.

Plus kids, especially small ones, are treated like Deities. I really wouldn't be that surprised if I found my youngest's class of 1 year olds sitting on grape leaves being spoon fed jello.  And of course there would be someone fanning them.  Duh.

You melt here. It literally gets uncomfortable to just be.  It would be a crime of Brazilian nature to let a child feel that way. And heaven forbid one stays dirty.

Money, Stuff, and everything in between.

Why is it that money from my native land gets me all nostalgic.  Something about holding the green. Holding it, even the very few dollars (all 5s and 1s) that I have at this point living abroad, make me register that I'm going home.

So, as opposed to doing a corny little post on what I'm looking forward to, because I've already done that and I reached my quota for corny with last night's post, I'm doing something different.

There are things I no longer pack when I go home. I have a definite to US or to Brazil packing style.  It's efficient, it's crazy, it holds me off for the time I'm away from either place.

Since I'm going to the US and I'm being reminded of those neurosis, here is what I do and do not bring.

1. Skin care products. I buy them there, in bulk when possible, and bring them back.  That goes for face, body, and some hair. Not that hair. I live in Brazil, there isn't enough of that hair left!

2. Tennis shoes. Only the essentials because I prefer buying my tennis shoes, converse, boots, etc there. I do sandals, flip flops, and heels in Brazil.

3. I bring all my jewelry. I love earrings and always buy them in Brazil. Cool, big, and cheap.  Makes me sound like a hooker but I make them classy.

4. Books. If I'm mid-book, I leave it behind. I fly with kids, so no way I'm going to get to read on the flight. I'd much rather read new ones, bring back new ones, and pick up where I left off upon arrival home.

5. If beach is possible, I always bring my Brazilian bikini. I especially like to bring my littler ones. Shock factor. Nothing freak outs an Americans more than one of our own in a tiny ass Rio de Janeiro bikini on a US beach.  I've gone to Ipanema, I have no more shame.

6. Coffee and lots of it. My family is bored of most Brazilian things. That's a sign you've been somewhere a long time, when things you bring home stop being exotic. 'Oh more Pau Brazil beaded necklaces.  Great! One more and I can make a curtain.'  Coffee though, that is a staple asked for by every member of the clan.

7. Cigars. Brazilian ones. I swear.

Man, I'm getting all listy these days. I do believe packing and organizing is to blame. Procrastinators like myself need lists to make sure they only forget half of the stuff they are supposed to bring.

Anything I'm forgetting people?  Only 5 hrs to go!

Who are You?

Inspired by US weekly and The Little Hen House, I decided to write a little getting to know me post.

25 Things You Don't Know About Me:

1. I hate getting pedicures but I do it anyway because I have horribly ugly feet.
2. I could eat Pizza morning, noon, and night but my body does not let me.
3. I love Spinach and avocado. Even better together.(Don't forget the salt!)
4. I'm a hopeless romantic but am easy to impress.  A combo my husband adores.
5. I love red wine.
6. Red wine pairs very well with cigarettes. That is a battle I will forever fight.
7. I've always wanted to be a dancer but seriously lack any sort of rhythm.
8. I have a lot of guilty pleasure music on my ipod.
9. I've always wanted to be a Mother.
10. Getting a comment on my blog makes me very happy. Even if it's a negative one.
11. I'm really looking forward to the golden years. My 60s are going to rock!
12. I wish I had a pet turtle.
13. I'm addicted to gossip magazines, and now after Brazil, any magazine at all.
14. I'm an avid book reader, when my children allow me to be.
15. Learning Portuguese was/is one of the hardest things I've ever done/am doing.
16. Moving to Brazil was the best decision I've ever made in terms of my personal life.
17. On the other hand, if I think about it too much, it kills me to raise my boys away from my family.
18. I make some mean cookies!
19. I crave alone time. 
20. Working out is my greatest stress reliever.
21. Sex comes in at a close second.
22. I want to live in Europe one day.
23. My husband and I researched car tripping to Rio de Janeiro from San Diego. I plan to do it one day.
24. I love me some good bad 80s movies
25.I enjoy doing laundry. Somehow I feel accomplished each and every time.

What don't I know about you?

Creepy Carioca Men

 A little message to creepy Carioca men, you are not as smooth as you think you are.

As much as anyone would imagine saying a creepy sounding 'Oi' and then licking your lips would attract the opposite sex, it doesn't.  Shockingly, it does not help if you translate Oi, you intellectual man you, into Hi.

Logically, because you seem oh so logical, if you say "You are so beautiful," I'm just going to jump into your arms while simultaneously ripping off my clothing. Oh yes, everything you've heard about us American women is true.

And the biggest winner would have to the sounds. Whistles, grunts, mmmm hmmmms, and all other non-verbal conversation sends me over the roof. As if Rio de Janeiro wasn't hot enough already.

Don't get me wrong, I think it's awesome that you leave your house feeling like a non-Metro Rodrigo Santoro.  Confidence is something everyone should have.  I just suggest you stop for a second and look around your house.  Any Gringa women putting their clothes back on there? Laying naked in your bed?  Have you received any phone calls in English or broken Portuguese lately?

My guess is going to be no for all of the above. So maybe, just maybe, your methods are not quite hitting their target.  Don't worry, we all know you have mad skills, you really don't need to prove it to anyone. Just saying we ladies are weird and don't get obvious moves.

Personally, I love it when a man plays hard to get.  Just turns me on.  Maybe you should try ignoring us!  Maybe we don't even exist.  Try it out for a while and see how it fits.  Hell, couldn't get any worse...

But it could get a whole lot better for us!