Shoe DNA?

Photo by BabyGrim: http://www.flickr.com/photos/36089846@N06/

I have boys that love shoes. All three of them. It obviously must be something in their DNA.

Today was a particularly interesting shoe day as Mr. Rant stated he only had one pair of shoes he could wear. The tupperware full of shoes in my closet begs to differ, not to mention the ones in the laundry area.

That's when he started to explain himself. My converse are too casual, my brown Pumas pinch my fingers (I always correct him but it never sticks. Very cute), my orange Pumas are too thin for the amount of walking I'll do today, and so on and so forth.

Talk about adjusting generalizations of the sexes.  Throw me a pair of Havaianas and I'm set!  Of course that makes dressing me up a bit of a strain. At this point I'm so unaccustomed to heels that I walk like a large straight man dressing like a woman for the first time.

The funniest part is, my boys are the same as my husband!  Both of them are obsessed with their shoes.  Once they realized that there was a selection to choose from, they insisted on picking out which ones to wear.  And they get super pissed if any of them ever get "misplaced" or are unavailable. 

Then again, I should have known. Brother-in-law is also a shoe fanatic. Hell, he even makes sure his Havaianas match with his boardshorts. He's taking metro to the beach baby.

Ah well, what can a girl do. So what if my oldest went through a 6 month stage of only wearing his rain boots during Rio de Janeiro's summer.  Choice of footwear is not a mountain I'm willing to die on.

At the very least, all three of my men are happy to let me dress them.  That is as long as I let them pick out that special pair shoes calling to them from the pile. 

I dream of burning my husband's comics

I dream of burning my husband's comics. You see, I live in an apartment in Rio de Janeiro.  There's like 1 and a half closets.

He has like 6 boxes of them.  They are all saved for our kids.  And I had to go and encourage him by giving birth to children with penises.

I did managed to send 3 boxes to his parent's house.  They live outside the city and have a proper house.   The boxes are there.  I would have sent them all but it just looked bad.

His parents are very much parents that they encourage him to be happy. Although he never reads his comic books, they make him happy by being in existence.  I argue that even if recycled and created into new and reusable items, they still technically exist.

No dice.  If you marry a person, you have to except them for who they are. My husband is an overly organized pack-rat.  I would almost classify him as a hoarder but he does not save trash, or anything dirty mind you, and has no problem throwing my stuff out.  This is not a hoarder.

And as much as I want to be the "cool" wife, every time I open the cabinet with his comics, I get an urge to just set the entire place ablaze.  Really quite beside the point because where would be live? On the other hand, we wouldn't have any stuff to clean up.

Thank goodness I have no pyro tendencies.

And then add on top of it that Brazilians just aren't good at throwing things away. They don't like to buy used and they won't throw it out unless it literally gives them the finger and walks out the door. I wouldn't be surprised if they still followed after it screaming "but we can get you fixed! I know a guy!"

Basically, there is nothing to be done. I so sassily recommended that my husband put up a shelf in the boys' room, since the comics are for them, and line up all the comics. It'll look cool and lower the risk of molding in the humid climate.

What was his response?  'You just want the cabinet space! What will you put there anyway'

Of course, I could only answer 'Stuff.'  Sorry Rachel, wrong answer.

So, he's keeping it there to spite me.  It must be out of spite because there is nothing that this man loves more than drilling holes in the wall. Mr. Rant, I know you are out there reading this.  Go do your thing to that wall, you sexy Mr.  Drill the crap out of it!  Then put in the shelf, nice and level, just like you like it.

And how nice will those Batman, X-Men, and other comics look on display.  How jealous the other 4 year olds and your friends will be.  Their wives and Moms would never let them have that in their house.

And that readers, is how you go from wanting to burn your husbands belongings to becoming the cool wife/mother.

Live and learn baby.

A Tale of Acceptance...?

I read an interesting article in the November 15th issue of People. It's called 'A Tale of Acceptance'.

To sum it up, it's about a boy who likes to dress up like a princess. Oh yes, the bigger the tutu the happier the boy.  And his parents ROCK.  After some discussion, they decided to let the boy do what he wants.  Not to push him.  The Mom even wrote a book called My Princess Boy in attempts to quell the backlash of him expressing himself.  It's getting around the school system, thank goodness.

You see, I'm a big believer in Sass. I think if more people had it, the world would be a better place. Sass is something that makes you be who you are with force. You say things, even if it's a no go. You dance even if you are the only one that thinks your singing is danceable (happens to me a lot).  And you wear a freakin' big ass, glittery tutu if it makes you feel good.

I'd like to think kids are not cruel. I know we all say they are but, ideally, they don't come that way. They are like rottweilers. They look a little scary and have the tendency to be little bitches.  But they only really turn if you raise/train them that way. A rottie raised in a good home is as sweet as a golden, maybe a tad bit more protective... normally.

Not shockingly, there has been quite a bit of debate about this book and the parents' position on the subject. From Current.com: Online radio blogger Lashaun Turner, the 46-year-old mother of three grown children (including two boys) in Riverside, Calif., was taken aback by Kilodavis tracing Dyson's fashion sense to age 2. "I mean it's just crazy. Your 2-year-old is picking out pink colors and wanting to wear pink dresses and so therefore you start buying him dresses? I mean a 2-year-old has not a clue as to whether they're boy, girl, fruit, vegetable or a rock."

So what would you do?  In the time of the ultra-sensitive parenting movement, do you smash his dreams of pink and ribbons to smithereens?  Or is it not smashing at all, only guidance towards social norm?

Personally, I cut my oldest off from nail polish at 3 years old. Dude, we live in Brazil. It was attracting attention at the park that was upsetting and mean from parents and kids alike. Amazing how parents are so quick to judge.  There are plenty of kids at the park with whom I'd like to loudly say, 'Wow, that kids is a douche and has small man's complex at 6!' but I hold my tongue. I feel that is the thin line that separates kids and adults.

And you know what, I was made fun of A LOT in school. I was even in our middle school slam book.  I was voted flattest girl in school.  I'd like to thank my genes. Without them, I never could have been so flat chested.  The vests I insisted on wearing really didn't help the situation.  I was so before my time. 

My mother never tried to help me be more accepted.  I like her thank her for that regularly. She was very, you are who you are and if they are your friends, they will accept you.

That's awesome. It really is. Sadly, in the 7th great, I apparently had no friends. 

At the same time, look at yourself.  We all have had our moments and we all have our things. Some of you are really into feet, you know, in a kind of scary way.  Some of you like to stand right next to the only other person in the elevator.  Many of you use food items in a very non-edible way.  We're weird people. Every single one of us. Just think about it.

And I know we try to "protect" our kids but maybe, sometimes, we raise them when they just need to be left to their own devices.

In an ideal world, home should be a shelter away from the bullshit.  Check your roof, does it have bullshit leaks? 

At the same time, the world is a tough place.  So what would you do?  Would you guide your son towards overalls and boots?  Would you limit sparkles to the house?  Would you bedazzle his basketball shorts if that's what made him happy?  What are your thoughts on the discussion?

And a secondary question: What makes you weird? Oh come on, I know you have something!

Finding Masculine Halloween Costumes For Your Effeminate Son

 

Living in a machismo country, sometimes you just need to make fun of it. Check out:

 If you aren't already a fan, check out The Onion!

Boys who play with Dolls

I was cruising the park scene this afternoon when I was approached by 3 college students with a video camera.  Their target was found and they approached. 

They asked if they could ask me a question. Sure, why not.  Then they qualified and asked if they could ask me a question and then film my response. Ok.  They turned on the camera first and got ready to ask.  For one second, I thought they were going to ask me something dirty or do something just to shock me on camera.  Then I remembered, it's me.  It'd have to be pretty damn good to get a reaction. 

"Can boys play with dolls?"  That was it?!  Of course they can!  I told them my son even has a princess castle set.  Oh yes, Little People pink princess castle courtesy of his Nana Kay. 

They were very pleased with my response. 

I don't get the big deal. I don't see a problem with my son playing with dolls. I see no big deal in Shiloh Jolie Pitt dressing like a boy.  I don't see the an issue in children playing with everything, including gender identity. It's not just normal, it's healthy. 

My son wants to be either a robot or Spiderman. He thinks his bruises from playing on the playground are the beginning of his Spiderman transformation.   If enjoying toys labeled for the other sex is questionable, then thinking you are slowly changing into a make believe superhero is crazy. Oh wait, it's not because Superheros are a boy thing.  Duh.

It's a load of crap and, of course, you get even more of it in Brazil.  My son also used to like to have his toe nails painted.  Of course blue or red, something related to Spiderman. Aren't we all surprised.  I saw no problem with it and ignored my husband's protests until we had a little incident at the park. Thankfully Luka was too little to get it but a group of older boys, around 4 yrs old and he was 2 1/2, were following him around pointing and laughing. He didn't get it. I told him they thought he was funny and I stopped painting his toes. 

The next time he asked, I had to explain that certain things are for girls and certain things are for boys. It was a conversation that made me kind of sad.  I felt like I was telling him, here's your box and you have to live in it. Enjoy!  But I feel that it was the lesser of two evils.  Kids are mean.  In his class, him playing house with his friends is ok but a boy with painted nails is not.

But part of me wonders, where's this coming from. My kid had no idea about societal standards of his masculinity at 3 years old. Wonder how it came about in the other kids...

And the machismo machine lives on. 

Thoughts? Do you steer your kid towards gender specific toys or let them choose for themselves? Would you be ok if your son wanted pink shoes or your daughter wanted to cut all her hair off?