International Flying Goddess? - check

Bags are packed, kids are fed, and documents have been found.  We are heading out this evening for our long flight home.  2 hour drive to DC + check in and security + customs + 13 hours of flying time + stopover in Sao Paulo = Fun for the whole family.

I am armed with the same backpack of toys as in the picture. Yes, that Goddess you see there is me in my natural state of Damn Sexy.  I look my best when I fly internationally with children. Then again, who doesn't.

Rio de Janeiro, watch out! We're back, we're ready, and we're going straight to the pool to cool off!

I'm sure I'll find a good post on the journey.  That is, I will if I'm sane enough to remember once it's over.

Happy Hump Day and I'll see you on the flip side.

Who to Fly to Brazil, and in What Position

As packing for our return to Rio begins, I started thinking airlines. Oh, the airline you pick is as important as the condom people. There are some things you just shouldn't skimp on when it comes to quality.

Take American Airlines's from the US to Brazil and vise versa for instance.  It blows like your slutty stepsister.  I don't have enough room in my blog to explain my distaste for this airline.  I know they are the cheapest, but sometimes you have to spend a little more just based on principal.

Where does my hatred for AA come from?  Well, their service sucks, their seats suck, and basically everything sucks without anyone getting off. I just don't see the point in partaking in that kind of madness.

But the straw that broke this camel's back was on a flight back to Brazil from San Diego. I had a stop off in Houston and a layover. No biggie.  Once we got flying again, I popped my international-I-was-childless-and-could valium and was ready to float home.

Imagine my surprise when we started landing.  I thought, "Wow, Either Brazil has gotten closer or that was some damn good valium."

Nope, upon questioning I was informed that we were landing in Miami.  I told the stewardess that she must be wrong because I was not informed of this in San Diego when I checked in, nor did my old fashion envelope sized tickets say anything about an additional stop.

Oh, but didn't I know that it's American Airline's policy that they can add a stop if it is not a significant change.  I'll ask you, do you think my having to deboard and wait through an hour and a half layover was a significant change?  I sure do.

I was informed by customer service that they were in their rights to make that stop. I said "Dandy. And I am in my rights as a client to never fly you again."

Yeah so, I don't fly them.  I had always been miserable flying with them but didn't have a real reason to jump up to the next level. Well, the lack of apology did it folks. That's all it takes. A little, I'm sorry Rachel.  FYI American Airlines: Now it'd take 4 free tickets, international, thank you very much.  Call it inflation. Call it being an opportunist. I call it giving a second chance because I got free tickets. Hey, my heart ain't made of stone people.

But, back to reality.  If you are going to fly from the US to Brazil or vise versa, you should fly Continental.  I like them.  Of course it'll take like 2,000 trips to become elite.  That or I haven't gotten the special favors memo that shows you how to get bumped up more efficiently.  Not that I'm interested. Who's going to bump up a family with small children anyway?  That's why people pay to fly business and first.

Also keep in mind that United and Continental are sisters from other Misters these days. You can use miles and such and they work together. Pretty nice. This trip, we flew Continental from Rio to Houston and then United from Houston to DC.  Not too bad at all. Minus the 7 hr layover, but we saved like $1000 dollars. I can run around an airport with my kids for 7 hours if it saves me that much.

I also enjoy Delta. I find that Delta is good at giving more direct flights from the US into Rio. I know the stop in Sao Paulo isn't a big deal, but it's pretty sweet if you can avoid it.

And we must not forget Varig! I mourn the death of Varig. I'm telling you, they had super comfy seats, the flight attendants just rocked my world with kindness, and the plane was like an all night party.  It was Brazil in the air.  Not to mention, the food was better.  Oh well. You can't have it all, especially when executives are stealing from the company.

What airline do you prefer when you fly wherever it is you go?  

Wordless Wednesday: Flying in Style

Yeah, I don't get to fly in style internationally.  With a family of four, we'd take a closet as a seat if it meant lowering the price.

But not everyone has to be, nor wants to be, economical.  I sometimes fantasize that I am one of those people. If it ever happens, here's who I'll be flying with!

And now, for how I travel, when I'm lucky:

That's style baby!

Scream Free Flights?

The New York Times published an interesting article recently about flying, namely flying with kids.  Well, let me rephrase that, it's actually about NOT flying with kids.

What's irritating is the line drawn between families and the childless.  Hello, I want to be on your side!  But if I fly on the child free flight, who's flying with the kids?  Do the family flights come with chaperones?

In all seriousness, suck it up people! Yes, it's annoying to have a screaming kid on a flight. News flash, it's also annoying to their parents, not to mention embarrassing. 

Well, that is unless they're that breed of parent who are afraid of their children. You can tell who they are because their kid throws a tantrum and they go "oh oh oh honey. Let's not... oh oh oh it's ok"  To say I'm not a fan of that parenting style is like saying I'm not a fan of being run over by a car. It's a slight understatement.

And as much as I would like to call Ian Burford of Boston a self-important douche, it's not all the childless traveler's fault.  We parents need to get on the ball.  I travel internationally with my boys and I'm always prepared. 

All principals must go out the window.  If you are a no junk food parent, that can wait until they are off the flight. If you are a no medication parent and the flight is over 6 hours, do us all a favor and drug the little person if they start showing signs of raising hell.  Hell, drug them before they can! We know our kids. Be honest with yourself. If little Johny is a pain in the ass, he's going to be a royal one when trapped on a plane. Prepare accordingly.

And Bribery is your friend on a plane. I bring one new bigger toy and numerous new little toys.  Dance for the banana little monkeys! That's right, DANCE!  Actually, it's sit still and be quiet for the banana but you get my point. 

As for you childless bastards who have to be put out by everything because someone didn't tell you the world doesn't revolve around you, suck it up a little bit.  It's like 6 hours out of your life. Deal.  No one likes a whiner and you are starting to sound more annoying than the kids you are complaining about.  I mean, bitch bitch bitch. Just get together and buy your own plane.

Oh, and don't assume all kids on planes are bad news. Every time I get on a plane with my boys, all the people around me have a panic attack.  I have to talk them down off the ledge. My boys are awesome little fliers and I bust my ass to make sure of that.  A little credit for the non-screamers would be nice, thank you very much!