How to talk on the Phone in Rio de Janeiro

I learned the hard way about super socially polite Brazilian ways. I was 18 years old and dating the Brazilian exchange student at my little High school in Coronado, California. Oh yes, I was cool like that.

I used to call his place, where he lived with his older sister (10 years older so much older to an 18 year old).  I used to call, per all American fashion, like so: Her "Hello?"  Me "Hi, is So-and-so home?" 

One day I was asked why I didn't like his sister. For the record, I didn't but of course I didn't say that to him.  I asked him what on Earth he meant! Apparently, I was supposed to ask how she is, what's been going on, and so on and so forth each and every time I called.  For an 18 year old girlfriend that is like 4 to 5 times a day! 

Well, that was going to make calling a whole new story. Obviously I was calling to talk to him so I would only be asking to be polite. What's the point?

In Brazil, that is the point. You should want to know.  You should want to chat with anyone who is willing to chat. 

Fast forward many years and 5 years of living in Brazil later.

I do it. I can't help myself. It doesn't matter if the person who answers in senile. I will ask how things in her world are. I will marvel at the pink elephants she's seeing. I will agree that they too should eat their bananas and that even pink elephants should go to time out if they refuse. 

What I didn't get in my young, inexperienced traveler mindset of 18 years was that a phone call isn't just to talk to a person. You are calling to touch base, converse, and stay a part of their world. Whomever answers is also a part of that world. 

So when you call someone in Brazil and they ask who is speaking, you say who you are, ask who they are, and you chat. Chat like that little drunk girl at a bar hitting on a waiter... ok, maybe not so enthusiastic but you get where I'm going.  Just because there is a phone line between you, it does not excuse you. Even your husband's secretary deserves a 'Hello, how are the kids?".  I don't care if they are sleeping together. It's about respecting the culture.

That being said, "Hello, How are you this evening?"

Two Kisses or a Wave?

It took me a little while to get used to the double kiss greeting here in Rio de Janeiro.  In the past, I would have a mini anxiety attack when I entered into heavily attended dinner parties. It was the question, do I kiss everyone? Do I have to?? 

I'm used to it now.  I'm a lean mean kissing machine. I can handle a fully attended Brazilian family event like a Brazilian!  Kisses flying here and there, hello hello, tudo bem?

I'm almost too used it actually.  I've found that I feel more awkward meeting people in the states than here.  At home I never quite know what to do anymore.  Do I give them the little wave? It seems so cold. Oh, nice to meet you but I'm not going to touch you.  That's be gross.  Do I shake their hand?  That seems so stiff. It's like I've run into the old vice principal of my high school instead of making a new friend.

All the stateside options seem so distant and at the same time, I can't hug them.  That would make me the creepy person. And if I opt to do the Brazilian kiss, I'd be a poser. I'm American, not Brazilian. Kissing hello here, I'm adapting. Kissing hello there, I'm pretending to be Brazilian. 

I find myself hoping I won't meet anyone new the first week. Give me a week to revert back to my North American ways and then I can be social.  Once that happens, I normally bust out the little wave unless encouraged by the other person to do more.

And should I meet a foreigner, I always give two kisses. I can't do one. It feels so incomplete. I know Mexicans and Paulistas give one kiss but I'm too far gone here in Rio de Janeiro to conform now. 

Of course it's not second nature. I don't kiss my pediatrician on the cheek. It seems weird.  I also can't seem kiss my dentist or maid hello.  I feel it's strange in working relationship, although I do kiss my students hello.  I'm just a big ball of kissing confusion.  I prefer to call it being American.