Monday, December 13, 2010

Snow or Bidet?

I've been in the states for a whole 5 days now and I'm already missing a couple of things about Brazil.

For example, I miss the fruit. It's winter and this morning, for the first time this season, there was a thin layer of snow.  I forgot that fruits don't really like to grow in this weather.  Of course we can get staple fruits. This is America people. But no, we will not eat American bananas. I am a Banana snob after Brazil and the American banana is like the American fake breast. It's beautiful to look at, but is as hard as a rock and tastes like cardboard. Not that I know or anything.

I also miss the bidet and/or butt hose.  Call me French, call me Brazilian, call me messy, but the bidet is the Cat's meow.   My Mother is a very good sport and got us the flushable wipies to help fill the void.  It's so not the same as a hose spraying right up your bum.  And I am really unaccustomed to my grownup parts smelling like baby powder.  It's a little creepy.

And then there's the doorman. No doorman here.  Well, it would be a bit strange to have a doorman sitting on my parent's front porch.  Strange or kind of cool.  Anyway, where is the random conversation. I have no one to discuss the weather with as I wait for the elevator.  Of course I don't have an elevator either but that is beside the point. 

Last and totally least, I miss the heat. Well, not the heat really but the convenience of it.  Heat means not having to bundle up.  You can kiss the 4 layers of clothing goodbye! 

There are some other benefits of hot as well. For starters, it's super easy to gorge on food here. Ever eat a salad in 4 degree (30 F) weather? No, that would be insane.  And going outside. My kids are troopers but how long can you really last dressed up as the Pillsbury dough boy.  That leaves about 10 hours a day stuck inside somewhere. Thank goodness for inexpensive toys, art supplies, and unfinished basements for running around in

But one thing makes all this worthwhile.  And you know what that one thing is, BACON! Oh yes people, I have real bacon in my hands, in my mouth, and all over my clothing.  The strips are almost 2 inches wide, the fat to "meat" ratio is balanced, and I can cook it in a broiler.  Mmmmmmmmm. 

I bet you guys thought I was going to say family.  Don't you know me by now?


  1. Believe me, you do NOT miss the heat.

  2. You are a bacon lover? Have you ever heard of Jim Gaffigan? Hilarious...