Hot and Sweaty! Who? Me?

It's 4pm and I smell like a wet Saint Bernard. It's not pretty. I'm sweating like a heavy weight boxer in the middle of a championship. My hair is up and I'm wearing my lightest summer dress. Hell, I even ditched the bra but it didn't make a difference. 

I stumbled into the metro station this afternoon, dripping sweat and my body covered in patchwork red heat splotches. It was as if I was a reject blanket from the Amish sewing circle. 

And there she was, of course, The Brazilian.  Her hair was down and perfect, just like a Pantene ProV Conditioner ad. She had on an adorable, professional, and yet still totally hot outfit.  She was sweating, obviously, but it was different. Her sweat looked like she was spritzed with body oil before a magazine shoot. I looked like I was urinated on by a bum standing on a bridge. 

Not fair!  I know my body is not made for this heat, I step outside and my feet start running North, but I should be adapting by now.  I have the right attire, I bath at least 3 times daily like any good Carioca, and I reapply deodorant regularly.  Yet, my body still insists on overheating anytime the temp reaches 31 (87 F) or above. 

The best is when this kind of woman turns and says "It's so hot isn't it! So muggy!"  I always answer with the typical "I know!" or " It is. Hopefully it'll rain soon" or "Tell me about it. I wish I was at the beach".

What I really want to ask is: Does that Brazilian ass convert into a portable air conditioner come summer?

The Brazilian Butt: Baby got Back

I've never been one to have ass envy. I've actually never thought too much about the ass in general. I enjoy seeing nice male tail but I've never really stopped to think about the size of my own.

Then I arrived in Rio de Janeiro. Is it just me, or are there huge asses everywhere?!  There are huge ones, fat ones, and, the vast majority, very large muscular ones.  I honestly feel that these women, with large muscular butts, are defying all laws of muscle tone and gravity.

It's like a work of art, these toned tooshes in tight workout pants. And you see them everywhere. I don't know if they are all always going to the gym, or just like to show off. Could be both.  I think they'd have to practically live at the gym to keep those girls standing like they do. And if I were the owner of a pair of those, they'd always be practically suffocating them in the tightest clothing possible.

It's a beauty that Brazil owns, the large tight butt.

I'm not envious.  I enjoy my small tight butt. I also enjoy that it doesn't take too much work to keep up. That combines well with my somewhat lazy personality.

I do, however, keep a small little petty glee hidden inside.  That glee is that I know they can not defy gravity forever.  While my long, lean frame may not be the most popular south of the boarder, it is easy to keep with age.  That makes me feel good when my husband glances at this common sight. I don't blame him. I find myself and my 3 year old doing the same thing.