It's 4pm and I smell like a wet Saint Bernard. It's not pretty. I'm sweating like a heavy weight boxer in the middle of a championship. My hair is up and I'm wearing my lightest summer dress. Hell, I even ditched the bra but it didn't make a difference.
I stumbled into the metro station this afternoon, dripping sweat and my body covered in patchwork red heat splotches. It was as if I was a reject blanket from the Amish sewing circle.
And there she was, of course, The Brazilian. Her hair was down and perfect, just like a Pantene ProV Conditioner ad. She had on an adorable, professional, and yet still totally hot outfit. She was sweating, obviously, but it was different. Her sweat looked like she was spritzed with body oil before a magazine shoot. I looked like I was urinated on by a bum standing on a bridge.
Not fair! I know my body is not made for this heat, I step outside and my feet start running North, but I should be adapting by now. I have the right attire, I bath at least 3 times daily like any good Carioca, and I reapply deodorant regularly. Yet, my body still insists on overheating anytime the temp reaches 31 (87 F) or above.
The best is when this kind of woman turns and says "It's so hot isn't it! So muggy!" I always answer with the typical "I know!" or " It is. Hopefully it'll rain soon" or "Tell me about it. I wish I was at the beach".
What I really want to ask is: Does that Brazilian ass convert into a portable air conditioner come summer?
