Childless Friend Questions SAHM (stay at home Mom)

This is an advice column Q & A that a friend of mine posted on my Facebook page. It is an old one, circa 2007, but the brilliant question answer Carolyn Hax wrote something that should keep circulating! Go check her out and at the Washington Post


TELL ME ABOUT IT ®
By Carolyn Hax
Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Carolyn:

Best friend has child. Her: exhausted, busy, no time for self, no time for me, etc. Me (no kids): Wow. Sorry. What'd you do today? Her: Park, play group . . .

Okay. I've done Internet searches, I've talked to parents. I don't get it. What do stay-at-home moms do all day? Please no lists of library, grocery store, dry cleaners . . . I do all those things, too, and I don't do them EVERY DAY. I guess what I'm asking is: What is a typical day and why don't moms have time for a call or e-mail? I work and am away from home nine hours a day (plus a few late work events) and I manage to get it all done. I'm feeling like the kid is an excuse to relax and enjoy -- not a bad thing at all -- but if so, why won't my friend tell me the truth? Is this a peeing contest ("My life is so much harder than yours")? What's the deal? I've got friends with and without kids and all us child-free folks get the same story and have the same questions.

Carolyn's Brilliant Answer:

Relax and enjoy. You're funny.

Or you're lying about having friends with kids.

Or you're taking them at their word that they actually have kids, because you haven't personally been in the same room with them.

Internet searches?

I keep wavering between giving you a straight answer and giving my forehead some keyboard. To claim you want to understand, while in the same breath implying that the only logical conclusions are that your mom-friends are either lying or competing with you, is disingenuous indeed.

Finish reading Carolyn's answer at: THIS LINK Trust me, it's worth your time.

As for my childless readers, is this what you guys actually think?

Working Dads

There are a lot of posts about Stay at Home Moms and how we rock this world. Let's be honest, it's pretty damn accurate. At the same time, the working Dads are doing their part. This one is for them!

We all have our cross to bear, so let's even out the playing field. While Moms bust their asses every day, this is what the working Dad has to deal with:

* If it's pouring rain we Moms can declare a jammie day. My poor husband has to face the storm and head to work. This is particularly hard for him as a Carioca (Brazilian from Rio) because they are made of sugar and melt in the rain.

* It's not fun to come home to find that your child, while you were at work, learned to crawl, talk, walk, and was accepted to their first choice college. You kind of feel like you missed out.

* The kids scream when Mommy leaves as if you are some freakish 13 year old babysitter. "But you just don't put us to bed like Mommy!" This too shall pass, the moment they realize that Dad lets them watch PG13 movies, order pizza, and play video games, they will ask Mommy to go out every night.

* You work your ass off for your paycheck. You have to show a presentation to your boss for that raise you just got. At the same time, you have the same "allowance" because junior still needs diapers. Who knew you'd work so hard just to buy stuff for your kid to crap in.

* Your wife gets to say "You never see your kids!" and yet you can't reply with "That's because you don't work!"

* Your "free time" is spent with the kids because you never see them. Of course that time is Mommy's free time because she's always with the kids. When did your free time become free babysitter time?!

* You got married and thought that you'd never have to work to get laid again. You married your girl! How is it then that you come home horny after a long day at work but your wife is the one that is too tired...

* When you get home late from work, she has already drank all the wine. Not that you like wine but she also drank the beer. Why don't you get to drink at work?

*Somehow, in parenthood, you have half the friends you had before and your wife has double. Not only that, you get set up on "Man dates" with your wife's friend's husband. Awkward!

I guess it comes down to team work. I am here eating cold leftover pasta, blogging, and babysitting while he is out trouble shooting and having a hamburger for dinner. Neither one of us is totally pleased with the situation.

And that is my point to my fellow stay at home Moms. As much as we have the thankless jobs that go unnoticed, they have the ones that are considered a given. For each time we have to listen to stories about that bitch client, they have to listen to stories about how so-and-so's child doesn't know how to share.

Amazing how shoes are really uncomfortable on other people's feet...

Any other examples? I know you guys have them!

Me, the ball and chain, and jazzercise

I'm running low on energy and inspiration today. It's Friday after a long week. Mr. Rant has been working very long hours every single day. I swear, he's just attempting to cure the baby fever by making me fend for myself.

I've been floating in the pool of play dates, soccer practice, poop, kiddie meals, playing dog (seriously boring game), and bedtimes. I haven't done anything other then exercise, go to my doctor's appointment, and keeping up the old blog.

On a side note, my Jillian Michael's DVD Jillian Michaels Shred Weights has been rocking my world like Mr. Rant at the beginning of our relationship. Well, let's just say that it pushes me to go until I can't any longer and makes my legs sore. Sadly, the DVD does not offer a happy ending. No, we can not have it all!

And just writing about this is a personal step. While I'll discuss my workout video with my girlfriends, I find it rather embarrassing to admit to the public. I bet my neighbors watch from across the way and  mock my moves. I mean, when I think of workout videos images of the 80s and the tv jazzercise girls pop into my head.

Oh well, boring life + workout DVD = potentially better ass.  I think I'm a cup half full kind of girl.

So tell me, would you workout to a DVD and did you ever jazzercise? 

Stay at home Mom vs Go to work Dad

It all started with one comment made by my husband.  I do believe he realized it too, right after he said it. 

It wasn't his fault really.  We had a rough start to a busy day.  For starters, we have a 1 yr old with diarrhea. That means that I was up most of the night with him and my husband got up early with him so that I could get some sleep.  Mom up at night + Dad up super early = two exhausted adults. 

I was kind of complaining about everything I have to do and how exhausted I am today.  Daniel, being the helpful and caring husband he is, told me not to worry. He knows I'll figure everything out and get plenty of time to sit on the couch. 

Seems innocent enough, doesn't it.  Not at that moment. At that moment he was saying that all I do is sit on my ass.  Funniest part is that he totally got that right after he finished saying couch. But the damage was done.

We went back and forth and he declared the fight open with the oh so famous words "And you don't think my job is hard?!"

Gloves were on and we were in our corners. The contest had started. Who has it worse? 

Sitting here in my unbiased thinking chair, neither one of us.  The grass is always greener.  I do think I have a bit more manual labor going on at my job, which I so classily pointed out by saying he's not a miner or anything.  He sits at a desk!  I'd kill to sit at a desk all day some days!

He does have a lot more pressure at his job. If I slack and feed the kids chips for dinner, no one is going to say anything to me.  Not that I'd tell anyone!  He has deadlines, meetings, politically correct conversations, dress shoes, and a boss.  Hmmmmm

Point being. This is a winless argument where everyone just ends up going on with their day feeling like crap.  It's hard for him because he's at work all day and doesn't really get to relax when he first gets home.  It's hard for me because I don't leave the house without children and can't relax until late evening. 

Eh, it is was it is.  I'd hate to have to spend the entire day away from my kids.  I know Daniel hates that too... Damn it.  There's a slight chance that I could be wrong here.  Let's just keep this our little secret.