Me, the ball and chain, and jazzercise

I'm running low on energy and inspiration today. It's Friday after a long week. Mr. Rant has been working very long hours every single day. I swear, he's just attempting to cure the baby fever by making me fend for myself.

I've been floating in the pool of play dates, soccer practice, poop, kiddie meals, playing dog (seriously boring game), and bedtimes. I haven't done anything other then exercise, go to my doctor's appointment, and keeping up the old blog.

On a side note, my Jillian Michael's DVD Jillian Michaels Shred Weights has been rocking my world like Mr. Rant at the beginning of our relationship. Well, let's just say that it pushes me to go until I can't any longer and makes my legs sore. Sadly, the DVD does not offer a happy ending. No, we can not have it all!

And just writing about this is a personal step. While I'll discuss my workout video with my girlfriends, I find it rather embarrassing to admit to the public. I bet my neighbors watch from across the way and  mock my moves. I mean, when I think of workout videos images of the 80s and the tv jazzercise girls pop into my head.

Oh well, boring life + workout DVD = potentially better ass.  I think I'm a cup half full kind of girl.

So tell me, would you workout to a DVD and did you ever jazzercise? 

Free Bootcamp in Aterro

So Bootcamp is all the rage these days and Rio de Janeiro is right on it! Ok, so maybe it's not exactly Bootcamp but it's pretty damn close.

In Aterro, the government of Rio de Janeiro is giving free circuit training exercise classes! FREE!  There they were, 20 or so citizens, doing their crunches. I had just caught the end of class.

So if you are in the Flamengo, Laranjeiras, Catete area, come down to class. It's Monday thru Friday from either 7am to 8am or 8am to 9am.  All you need is a note from your doctor and 2 of those small photos they collect for anything and everything in this city. You register right there and BAM, you are working out.  And where better than near the water and under the shade of trees.

The class is located in the tennis court near the Aterro entrance between Correa Dutra and Dois do Decembro.

Rio de Janeiro takes Care of their Elderly

I think the city of Rio de Janeiro read my obesity post or something because action has been taken.  The government of Rio de Janeiro has put in public exercise equipment in plazas around the city.  Keep in mind, this equipment is meant for the elderly. But they do not discriminate in Brazil and you can see people of all ages enjoying the movement of their bodies.

As you can see in the pictures, we aren't talking the 80s prison version of exercise equipment. These bad boys swing and flex, using resistance as their method of madness.  Think of it as new age physical therapy for the rusty.

To make things even better, they have a publicly paid trainer go and give classes. I saw it with my own eyes.  Personally, he was a bit pudgier than I like my personal trainers, but it's free and in a plaza.  Beggars can't be choosers. And before you judge me on the pudgier comment, I think it's logical that the person giving you physical fitness advice actually be physically fit. Call me a philosopher or something but it just makes sense.

So the old folks go to their Tai Chi in the park and then cruise to the plaza for a little stretch/movement training. I just may sign up to be old and start focusing on my self improvement.


The personal trainers work at these exercise centers from 7 to 10am and from 4 to 7 pm. And Largo do Machado is not the only old person fitness friendly spot.  You can find more of these centers at Anchieta, Cavalcanti, Bangu, Praca Seca, Ilha, Flamengo, Leme, and Copacabana.

Yo, People of the US, it is now officially cool to take care of your elderly! Send Grandma a note and tell her to put on her Havaianas. You are picking her up and taking her to stretch her legs at the plaza.

I need your help! What Should I do?

I have hit the last 13 or so days of my vacation home and my guesstimate weight gain total is about 25 lbs (11.4 kilos).

Houston, we have a problem.

I'm no ok with this. I'm fine with some weight fluctuation but it's not ok to be a little disgusted of yourself in the mirror.  Hey, in my defense, I didn't know I was this vain either.

The thing is, I went head first into food upon my arrival. I had no idea that my metabolism had gotten the memo that I had turned 30 and had given birth to two babies.  There you go underestimating... or overestimating, your body again Rachel.

And while I'm doing "The Firm" videos quasi daily, which I am as embarrassed to admit as you are to read, it is not working.  Sadly, my DVD did not come with a lipo vacuum attachment.  Now that would help you firm, not the side step and the samba for 40 minutes.

Oh the insanity of it all. I'd be fine if I were staying here where the season allows for Moo Moo sweaters to be cool under the right circumstance, but I'm not.  I'm going home to Rio de Janeiro where I will have to wear a bikini.  I think my stomach is going to eat it... God forbid, maybe even my ass.

So what to do?

That is where you guys come in! In my full dramatic way, I want you to decide what to do and I want you to be honest with me. None of this, oh I'm sure you look great load of crap.  What would you do if you were feeling like I do now?

The options I give are:

1.  Say Fuck it, pardon my French.  I'm already screwed might as well eat as much as possible, even though I don't really want to eat that much at this point because I have been eating as much as possible.  Phewww, long one.

2.  Keep up the 80s video jazzercise and eat a smidgen better.  Upon arriving home, good diet and an active lifestyle will make your body return eventually.  Maybe once the boys are back in school, you can even join pilates once again.  FYI: this is very balanced, sound, and middle ground. I am none of the above. I am rash, irrational, and indecisive. I don't know if I can stick to this one, no matter how sane it may be.

3.  Do the Master Cleanse, but for 7 days max... maybe just 5.  Yes, I'm a gluten for punishment but seriously, not looking forward to this one. The weird potion you drink, no food, and all that.  Makes me nervous.  And I know I will gain back the majority that I lose. But I will say, the 3 days I managed to do the other cleanse gave me a great jump start.  I figure, if I can get the extra frontal baggage off, at least 50%, I can do the other half sanely.

4.  Spontaneously thought of idea by you.  This is the thing that popped into your head while reading 1 through 3.

Now, I know you think I've made up my mind but, once again, refer to the second to last sentence of option 2.  Indecisive to the core.

So you tell me, honestly, if you were me, what would you do? You are a bit out of control right now with your eating, you are not craving any food from here in particular at this point, you are a bit disgusted with the girth, and are totally irrational.

By the way, I also am aware that while I put on weight, it's not that big of a deal. I know I'm being a big poor sport about the whole thing. Just a little whine with my wine.  But seriously, I hate feeling this way about myself.  Such a little pity party and it's starting to get me down.

So, what's the verdict?

Watch out Popular Girls!

I've decided I'm not taking this winter/travel bulge lying down, sideways, or upside any longer!  It has gotten completely out of control.

That being said, I know you expats are rooting for me to enjoy my time here, including indulging in everything we people abroad miss.  And you know what, if this were a subject in High School, I'd be the freaking' Valedictorian!  Not exaggerating.  I look as if I'm 4 months along with my 4th child.  And for your information, I am not.  My Mother insists that it's impossible to gain weight so quickly and I must be ovulating in a freakish manner or something.

Have I mentioned I love my Mother?

Well, sadly, no 4 ovaries or anything in this body.  It comes down to consuming about 10,000 calories, 8,000 of which being fat and sugar, each day.  Combine this with lowering my calorie expenditure from... let's just say a lot to just about nothing.  Only so much you can burn hiding out from the cold.

I decided I needed to balance things out a bit.  That's when I found my Dad's old jump rope.  I used to be on the jump rope team in High school.  Wait, did I just write that out loud?  Well, it's true. I was obviously that popular.

Anyway, I'm going to start jumping rope! Actually, I already did. My parents have an unfinished, yet still heated, basement that we have been using as our "outdoor" facility.  Two days ago I started to jump rope in the evenings.

I lasted 10 minutes the first day.

I was too sore the second day.

I lasted 15 minutes the third day.

I'm really out of shape!

But I figure, slow and steady win the race in the child's book section, why not in the fat burning one? Oh, and I forgot to mention the walking lunges.  Yeah baby, this girl is going to have a firm, flat American ass when I get back to Rio.   And we all know they go super well with muffin tops.

Watch out popular girls, I'll be back to 3rd string understudy shape before you know it!

The Gym or the Runway?

I´ve never been one to dress up to go to the gym.  In the US, I was far from alone in this. Only the extreme exercisers or the attention seekers wore hot clothes and/or makeup. 

Well, things are a little different in Rio de Janeiro.  The gym is a bigger meat market than any club.  You want to look GOOD.  You have to match.  And if you wear your husband´s grubby t-shirt with a pair of old soccer shorts, you will stick out. 


When I started to work out regularly again,  my husband convinced me to go buy something decent to wear to the gym.  In his words, the Brazilian workout clothes are made for the hot weather and thus far more comfortable.  

Oh yes, shiny spandex really does breath.

I all heard was, I don't want anyone to see my wife walking around looking like a mental bum who just rolled out of the gutter. 

Regardless of the sentiment, you don´t have to tell me twice to go shopping.

Imagine my surprise when I got to the store.  I saw a stylish, and uncomfortable looking, sports bar on sale. I´m a sucker for a sale. I asked if they had it in my size.  Oh, it was one size fits all. I literally laughed at the salesperson. I told her, bluntly, I have no breasts at all and that is too small for me. 

Oh no, it´s a push up sports bra...

Now, I´m no genius or anything but I don´t think Push up and Sports bra belong in the same category. A little contradictory, don't you think?  And besides the point, there wasn´t enough fabric to push up anything, much less support it. 

Of course, I bought it anyway.  I have no idea why.  I got a deal for it and a tight mesh tank top. Call me a sucker but it really does look better, even if it´s super annoying to wear.

But the best part is that whenever I wear them, I don´t just get to travel to the gym but also to the '80s!

For more on gym fashion, check out this post: Amerileira

Project work out

So I´m finally going to try to get back in shape after my second child.  I figure this second child is almost 2 now so maybe I should get on it already.

But what to do?!  I feel like I have an endless amount of options in Laranjeiras/Flamengo alone

I checked out a dance studio near my place. It looked good but I just couldn´t see myself busting out belly dancing.  That´s the spot that I feel needs the most work, like I want to show it off and shake the jelly around. Going to have to go with no.

I did find out that they have half off pilates (during certain hours) at the same studio. Of course all the slots were full.  I really wanted to have a go at those pilates machines! And it´s "core" exercising, right?  I´m on the waiting list. 

Ok, so that leaves me with the gym.  Oh man, I really don´t think I can pull that one off again. Weights and cardio, aerobics and weird sweaty old dudes asking me where I´m from every freakin´ day.  I just don´t have the stamina anymore to pump myself up literally and figuratively.  Next

Running?  I tried but the whole self motivation thing is really challenging my exhaustion and laziness.  Not to mention my bad hips.

Yoga... Walk softly and carry a big stick, so here I go. I hate it. Oops, that wasn´t soft at all. It´s so boring people!  And so stretchy. Stretchy and boring!  Man, I´m never going to be in the cool crowd, am I?

Rock climbing. I´ve tried that before. Coordination and chafing issues.

So what to do?!  I really want to get some muscle tone back and just improve my overall shape.  My goal is to have it figured out this week.  I have around 4 months until we go stateside for a Christmas visit. I will gain at least 10lbs on this trip.  It happens every time. I don´t know how.  I think it´s magic. Or maybe it´s the 200 boxes of pop-tarts I consume upon landing. 

Anyway, any suggestions would be welcome. Let´s figure out Rachel´s workout plan! 

Bootcamp in Rio!

I'm sure you've all heard about the Bootcamp exercise trend. I have a friend from high school who runs these kinds of training sessions in San Diego. I constantly see his posts and wish I could participate. 

It's right up my alley for working out. I thrive on someone yelling at me to keep going. I love circuit training.  I enjoy working out with others and using them as my motivation. 

Unfortunately, the commute from Rio de Janeiro to San Diego is a bit steep.  I won't be attending those classes anytime soon.  Imagine my surprise when I stumbled upon bootcamp here in Rio!  Here's the site:  Bootcamp Rio.

One downside is that it's in Leblon/Lagoa or Barra. I live in Laranjeiras. Given, it's a better commute than San Diego but still far enough to give me an excuse to skip.  I think I'll hold out for Bootcamp in Flamengo but you guys could check it out!  Class start Feb 22nd.

Just do a girl a favor, if you do go, mention that they really should have a class in Flamengo. Aterro would be the perfect place to do it in the mornings!

ps. I'm not advertising for them. I'm honest to goodness excited to see it offered here!