Banana anyone?

Fruit was one of my biggest adjustments moving to Rio de Janeiro. Yes, fruit!

You see, I was following the extremely balanced American university diet of microwavable food, alcohol, and water. Even living with a foodie roommate, I was as picky of an eater as an obnoxious toddler. 

Try explaining this to your newly adopted Mother-in-Law when you don't speak the same language and are living in the same house. I was in healthy homemade food hell, that is until I started eating it. Who knew not perfectly shaped tomatoes could taste so good?! And those little weird looking bananas, not nearly as pretty as ours, packed a taste that would put American ones to shame. 

My eyes were opened and they were curious. It amazed me how easily and naturally fruit snuck into the everyday diet of Brazilians. Any given day you'd stop and have one or two fresh fruit juices, pineapple is served as a desert, and you can find fruit easier than a public bathroom. It's everywhere in Rio and it's cheap! 

Now I'm one of those women that takes samples from all the vendors at the farmer's market. A little piece of papaya, a triangle of watermelon, and maybe a square of mango. Why not? 

My diet as a whole has changed, as well as what I consider to be healthy eating. While I'm far from the strict foodie, but I am now more educated on the subject.  Not only that, my tastes have become more open and I find myself craving healthier and more interesting foods. 

And while I seem to have decent genes that literally saved my ass from the whole American obesity issue, there's still general health, heart attacks, and blackheads. It's not wonder some of the most beautiful people in the world are down here. They have the fuel to feed it! 

Has a place ever changed your diet? 

Low Carb no Sugar = No Fun

I have a couple of Brazilian friends doing the low carb no sugar diet.  They are on a  plan that lasts a couple of months, keeping track of inches as opposed to pounds. It sounds all well and good. A manageable way to lose a couple of those lingering, unwanted holiday added increments to your diameter.

Of course, I have an issue with willpower. I am not one to use it regularly when it comes to food.  While I'm not as bad in Brazil as I am at home in the states, but there are a few special items that make this diet impossible for me.

Rio de Janeiro is like a big pitcher full of fresh squeezed juices. They are everywhere, they are tasty, they are cheap, and I like them.  Just imagine 95 degree weather and a freshly made mango juice. How am I going to give that bad boy up?!  Let's not forget watermelon juice, orange juice, papaya juice, and real purple grape juice made on demand.

Then there's the fresh baked french bread. It calls to me like a lady of the night in Lapa. I can't resist.  It's beautiful, fulfilling, and a decent price.  Put a little queijo minas on top and I'm in sugar/carb heaven.

Then there are the novelty items. I don't eat these on a daily basis but if I get the opportunity, and have a couple of Reais in my pocket, they are all mine.  These special treats are esfihas, pastels, churro with dolce de leite, and popcorn. After writing, this I may just have to get a sample of each and every one.

Of course, it's about balance.  If you balance correctly in Rio de Janeiro, you can have a very healthy diet. Sure, it'll be full of carbs, salt, sugar, garlic, onion, and oil but that's not so bad.

So congrats to those who can follow these diets! And to those who can't, have a juice on me!

I need your help! What Should I do?

I have hit the last 13 or so days of my vacation home and my guesstimate weight gain total is about 25 lbs (11.4 kilos).

Houston, we have a problem.

I'm no ok with this. I'm fine with some weight fluctuation but it's not ok to be a little disgusted of yourself in the mirror.  Hey, in my defense, I didn't know I was this vain either.

The thing is, I went head first into food upon my arrival. I had no idea that my metabolism had gotten the memo that I had turned 30 and had given birth to two babies.  There you go underestimating... or overestimating, your body again Rachel.

And while I'm doing "The Firm" videos quasi daily, which I am as embarrassed to admit as you are to read, it is not working.  Sadly, my DVD did not come with a lipo vacuum attachment.  Now that would help you firm, not the side step and the samba for 40 minutes.

Oh the insanity of it all. I'd be fine if I were staying here where the season allows for Moo Moo sweaters to be cool under the right circumstance, but I'm not.  I'm going home to Rio de Janeiro where I will have to wear a bikini.  I think my stomach is going to eat it... God forbid, maybe even my ass.

So what to do?

That is where you guys come in! In my full dramatic way, I want you to decide what to do and I want you to be honest with me. None of this, oh I'm sure you look great load of crap.  What would you do if you were feeling like I do now?

The options I give are:

1.  Say Fuck it, pardon my French.  I'm already screwed might as well eat as much as possible, even though I don't really want to eat that much at this point because I have been eating as much as possible.  Phewww, long one.

2.  Keep up the 80s video jazzercise and eat a smidgen better.  Upon arriving home, good diet and an active lifestyle will make your body return eventually.  Maybe once the boys are back in school, you can even join pilates once again.  FYI: this is very balanced, sound, and middle ground. I am none of the above. I am rash, irrational, and indecisive. I don't know if I can stick to this one, no matter how sane it may be.

3.  Do the Master Cleanse, but for 7 days max... maybe just 5.  Yes, I'm a gluten for punishment but seriously, not looking forward to this one. The weird potion you drink, no food, and all that.  Makes me nervous.  And I know I will gain back the majority that I lose. But I will say, the 3 days I managed to do the other cleanse gave me a great jump start.  I figure, if I can get the extra frontal baggage off, at least 50%, I can do the other half sanely.

4.  Spontaneously thought of idea by you.  This is the thing that popped into your head while reading 1 through 3.

Now, I know you think I've made up my mind but, once again, refer to the second to last sentence of option 2.  Indecisive to the core.

So you tell me, honestly, if you were me, what would you do? You are a bit out of control right now with your eating, you are not craving any food from here in particular at this point, you are a bit disgusted with the girth, and are totally irrational.

By the way, I also am aware that while I put on weight, it's not that big of a deal. I know I'm being a big poor sport about the whole thing. Just a little whine with my wine.  But seriously, I hate feeling this way about myself.  Such a little pity party and it's starting to get me down.

So, what's the verdict?

A Salt Cleanse: The Beginning and the End

Today will be the start of another mini-cleanse.  Nina is doing the sea salt cleanse and I decided I would go ahead and try it.  No, I do not have a love for diarrhea but I do like a good easy way out. 

Yes, I am also well aware that there are no easy ways out.  I feel this is another kick off. Let's just be honest, I've eaten as much in 4 weeks as a family in small town China eats in a year.  And no, I'm not a China hater nor exaggerating. 

While I am not obsessed with my form, I am aware that I will be returning to Rio de Janeiro, mid summer. While I can't, or am possibly unwilling, to correct my currect Casper like skin color, I can help my bloat. 

I will not go back to Rio in the peak of summer looking like an albino, over-stuffed turkey.  Not going to happen. 

While the 'If you vomit, wait and try to drink mixture again' in the instructions threw me for a loop, I decided, hell, why not.  If I throw up, I won't swallow anymore.  Get your minds out of the gutter!

By the way, totally almost throwing up over here.  Still holding my own though.  If I had an affinity for vomiting, I wouldn't need a cleanse anyway.  Ohhh, so wrong!

Anyway, the goal is to stop eating like I will be dying tomorrow.  So I'm nursing my 3rd 500 ml glass of tepid sea salt water. Jealous much! I'm thinking I will not make it to two liters. I know I should really try, stomach ma...

And the cleanse has begun.

That was fast.  I'm thinking, this was fun. It was really nice to meet you salt cleanse.  It's not you, it's me.  I think I got confused and was looking for something in the wrong place.  No, no, please don't call. I will not be answering.

Apparently a couple of trips to the bathroom resets my brain. Doesn't this flush require you to drink a ridiculously large amount of sodium. Sure, your body doesn't absorb it and you poop it out. Sounds nice in theory.

And won't the bloat just come back when I drink a glass of water?  Ok, I'm going to continue to poop this stuff out because, let's face it, I have no other option.  Tomorrow will be the start to a new day and, not surprisingly, a saltless one.

I think we all learned a little something here. First, Rachel will try just about anything once.  2nd, sea salt flushes (aka Diarrhea diets) are not fun.  3rd. I like to eat.

Do with that information what you will.  As for me, I'm going back to the bathroom.

Ignorance is bliss so just give me a hot dog!

I roll with the super healthy here in Rio de Janeiro. It's kind of odd seeing I've never been a part of a "healthy" group before. Hell, in college my dietary triangle consisted of fats, salts, microwaveable, pasta, and alcohol. 

Of course, things change.  Living in a country where fresh fruits and veggies are not just readily available but actually cheaper than other food has helped quite a bit.  I felt I was on the right track.

That was until I entered into the super healthy super Mom group.  These are the ladies that do yoga at least 3 times a week, also throwing in a run now and then. All of them have had natural births (meaning no pain killers) and some home births.  They read labels, do not normally consume sugar, and their kids do not know what McDonalds is.

And it's a good thing. These Mommas can tell you where to find the rare fresh milk of Rio de Janeiro and if that one type has to be boiled or not before drinking. They know the organic fairs and which organic stores will deliver staple items on a weekly basis.  They can give you whole wheat, no dairy, no sugar recipes that only taste slightly like cardboard.  It's eye opening.

At the same time there are problems. There are things I don't want to know. I do not want to know there is msg in my bouillon cubes. I really don't want to know what msg is because I plan to keep on using my precious cubes! I live in Rio and there is no way I'm going to boil a whole freakin' chicken just to get some broth.  Cooking here is time consuming enough.  Next I'm going to have to convert my laundry area into a chicken coop just to make sure they are antibiotic free.  Heaven forbid, actually give the bird up totally!  I'm already done with pork.  What's next? Vegetarianism?  I'd rather stop eating all together.

It's almost enough to make a lady feel subpar in the taking care of your family/spouse department. And this isn't just reserved for Moms. My sister-in-law has my brother-in-law on a special no taste, very expensive diet too. Steamed veggies and whole grain rice are becoming a staple when out to lunch with friends.  Are we all growing up or just trying to avoid daily doses of Metamucil?

In the end, it is a good thing.  I find myself, at the very least, adapting my own diet.  My children see veggies on their plate twice a day, if not more.  Hey, you can bring a kid to veggies but you can not make them eat. And fruit is now part of my vocabulary outside of apple martini.  That's a good thing. 

Will I be giving up real pizza, fries, greasy Mexican food (when I can find it), butter, or sugar. Hell no!  But maybe I'll put said butter on some broccoli and the sugar on some strawberries. It's a start, right?  

Granola here I come

Ok, I´ve been converted. Loved loved loved Pilates!

It´s slow but requires focus and strength. I feel stretched out and yet I know my thighs and abs will be killing me tomorrow! Yeah! Seriously, I´m one of those sick people who like the burn.  Not that burn! 

Plus, it has the whole breathing thing that totally reminds me of the good part of a cigarette.  I don´t think my brain has ever had that much oxygen before. Well, at least not, on and off, for the past 10 years. 

And you know what, I´m starting to get scared. I´m enjoying the taste of, get this, vegetables.  Plain veggies!  I used to make fun of people like this.  But in all honestly, I forgot the real taste of veggies. We put so much stuff on them, especially in Brazil, that you can´t even taste it. Hell, when my maid makes veggies, she boils them and then sautes them in oil with garlic, salt, and onion.  There´s nothing left to it by the time she´s done but it sure as hell tastes good.

It´s sad but true, I´ve been reformed. I really don´t know how long it´ll last. I´m sometimes quite rash and random with my decisions if you haven´t noticed.  But I feel great! I was feeling like crap before pilates but now, wow, now I´m on fire. I know I´ll crash soon but I wonder how I´ll feel when the whole detox part is done.

So maybe there´s something to this "clean" living thing. I mean, it´s not like it´s too hard to do in Brazil. Fruits and Veggies are a dime a dozen.  Fish and lean proteins are also easy to find and not too bad on the pocketbook, depending on the kind. 

I guess it´s like the kind of gas you put in the car. Mr Rant always wants to buy premium.  I say buy regular and cheap. He says the car runs better and longer with premium. I say that´s the man trying to get you to give him your money.  Maybe we´re both right. 

So in the end, I may turn into a granola, at least I come with Açai.

Let the Cleanse Begin

So I finally decided on a cleanse. And you all thought I was going to flake out on the idea. 

I´m going to do an intestinal cleanse a friend of mine recommended.  That means I will be consuming Cateto rice and steamed veggies for 10 days.  Oh yes, we´re talking breakfast, lunch, and dinner for 10 to 21 whole days. I´m putting 10 in my head because that seems far more feasible.  If all goes well, maybe I´ll stretch it out...but I doubt it. 

Why put myself through this, you ask.  Actually, I´m not quite sure. If I really think about it, I don´t want to go through the coffee and sugar withdrawals.  It´s scary to think about it. I´m cranky in the morning with my coffee and sugar.  Just imagine how I will be, the first couple of days, without. I am not envious of my family. 

And don´t even mention wine.  My dear friend wine.  

The real reason I want to do this is because it´s time to be healthier. It´s time to really see what my body can do. I used to live off of microwavable crap and feel great. Seriously, all through college, and a couple years afterward, my diet consisted of microwavable pizzas and instant pastas.  I rarely ate fruit or veggies.  Let´s not even get into the regular drinking. 

But I was in my late teens and early 20s. You can pull off that kind of madness.  I can´t anymore. I´m exhausted, I´m bloated, and I`m gassy. I know what you are thinking, sexy. Dead sexy. Shockingly, not so much. Flatulence is not foreplay people.

Anyway, my body is a smidgen older and needs a little more care.  I figure, it´s like changing the oil in your car, only I`m doing it to my intestines. 

Now the real issue with be not falling back into old habits.  I´m a bit of a glutton.  I love me some overindulgence. 

Well, we´ll see what happens.  Wish me luck!