If I were the president...

I'd:

1. Legalize gay marriage.  Come on people, church and state are separate, right?  Well, if your church doesn't like it then don't do it.  Fine, a gay couple can't be married in your church.  Who cares. They will be married in the eyes of the government.  Who the hell are we to say who can and can't be married. And on a total random side point, those who hang right are always complaining that the government is getting too involved and we should take care of ourselves yadda yadda yadda.  How much more involved can you get than saying who you can or can't marry?  We will have to limit it to the human race though. Sorry Iowa, no cattle, horses, or chickens.

2. Legalize Marijuana. No, I'm not saying this as a total stoner, not that I have anything against that.  Look at tobacco.  Hello cash crop! Goodbye debt!

3. Press the re-do button on the whole INS system. It's crap, it doesn't work, and I hate it.  I'm legally married to a foreigner and he has to be in the country every 6 months to be considered a resident.  Crap! In Brazil I have to visit the country once every 2 years. Totally reasonable.  People run the boarder and have fake marriages but my husband has to visit twice a year. What are they, his baby momma?  To make matters worse, no one talks to anyone. INS, FBI, CIA, CBS (for all you Mentalist watchers), no one has a clue what's going on. They are like competing frats.

4. More money to public schools, a portion of that goes to mandatory foreign language studies. Get on the same page US, not everyone speaks English.

5. That's all for now.  Hey, if I really were president, republic or democrat, it'd be time for me to take a little vaca to Camp David thank you very much.