A lot of women have a problem with porn. I am not one of them. Personally, I don't have an issue with my husband enjoying it. You'd have to be delusional to believe a man who says, oh no, I really don't like porn. Think about it. He's saying, oh no I really don't like watching naked women having sex... Yeah, I don't believe them.
In my experience, Brazilian women have a tendency to be quite jealous about these kind of video friends. One friend of mine exclaimed, why does he need porn when he has me! That is the sentiment I, and my husband in the past, have gotten from most Brazilian women.
He's got me? Why does he need it?
First off, I do not look like that. Ohhhh, not even close. Secondly, I will not do that, nor that, and I really don't even want to watch them doing that. I'm a little curious about that other one but I wouldn't know where to get the equipment...
Anyway, my question is, is porn a deal breaker? I'm living in a country where, apparently, 70% of husbands cheat, they sell porn next to kiddie magazines at the newsstands, and hookers are legal. Yes, you can legally be a hooker here, just not a john.
I think the whole Brazilian my-husband-is-not-into-porn-but-real-women thing goes right along with the my husband doesn't cheat thing. If you insist hard enough on something, it must be true, right?
That being said, American men are FAR beating out (pun intended) the Brazilians when it comes to porn usage. Maybe that's why I don't find my husband's healthy use a big deal. Not like the stuff is popping up all over the apartment and my son is asking me what a butt plug is.
It's one of those at it's time and place and within reason things. I would not be ok if Mr. Rant was hopping off to the bathroom during babysitting duty to watch a little Anal Sex in the City and whack one off. Not ok. But to do it at a grownup time, go for it. And it can't be an obsession. It's not kosher to not be able to download pics from your trip to the beach because you or your spouse has just downloaded the new Big Bang Theory porn edition.
And let's be honest for a minute, we don't live in a squeaky clean entertainment world. As much as I love the dialog on True Blood, it's not the main reason I watch. Naked Eric is! And I'm sure naked Sookie is making my husband just as happy. We're people, we're curious, and everyone likes a little eye candy.
So how about you? Are you ok with your spouse, loved one, significant other, cat, or whatever you call them watching the horizontal Olympics? Why or why not?
Not only are US residents huge porn consumers but study after study shows that the areas with the heaviest porn consumption are also the areas with the highest concentration of conservative Evangelical Christian residents. (But let's not go there...)
ReplyDeleteMost porn does not bother me and is certainly not a deal breaker. But I would be disturbed if my partner was into porn that was violent or degrading (not just in role playing). If he got off watching that I would wonder what was going on between his ears.
And viewing porn is not always a solitary activity. Mostly, but not always.
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ReplyDeleteWell it is funny, because when I first meet my husband he was really really really surprise when I said I like it as his exs couldn't imagine that he used to watch porn! hahahah
ReplyDeleteI'm not jealous at all...not about it!
I can say that my brazilian friends are the same, porn is not a solitary activity, not for me :D
Let's face it. Men are visual. They love nothing more than to watch a nice big ass in their face. So what's the diff if it's in real life or in a movie?
ReplyDeleteLike you said. Time and place. If we're getting hot and heavy and he's like 'excuse me, but at this moment I would rather go jerk off on the toilet while frantically clicking clicking clicking to the next vid' well, there we have a problem.
plus, if women's real problem is that he's enjoying another woman without her, why don't you suggest watching a lil porn together once in a while?? Maybe it's not your thing, so doesn't have to be always. But once in a while keeps things interesting and you usually forget the porn and focus on each other in the end anyway.
wow. That was a huge open window into my sex life.
Thanks for the trigger there Rach. haha
I personally have no problem with the porn as long as it is not obsessive. Farmville, however I have a huge problem with
ReplyDeleteI guess it all comes down to personal comfort levels. I agree that violent or extra kinky would give me question marks when it came to my partner.
ReplyDeleteAs for Farmville, as an ex-addict, it is a much bigger problem than porn. I'm waiting for people to open special clinics for the internet/gaming people. Well, clinics that aren't in China ;) I'm assuming you've all heard about that
Lol Linds. Hey, I agree. A little porn can add some random spice to an otherwise normal sex day. Why not? Plus it takes half the work out of "getting things going" if you know what I mean!
ReplyDeleteMy husband never watches porn. I think he is too lazy. Lazy as in going out and buying something. He would never be able to watch any porn on our crappy internet. But once I found a beta tape called chocolate love. I started making fun of him, then I told him these couldn't be played anymore. He didn't believe me. He wants to watch it with me.. but I had a bad porn experience, i.e. ex-boyfriend who loved porn more than me (yes, American). So I don't like to watch it.
ReplyDeleteNaked Eric, mmmmmmm. I had a comment but now I'm just have naked Eric in my head.
ReplyDeleteSinging to the choir Brynn!
ReplyDeleteI once read an article published by a relationship specialist in the UK encouraging women to be more open minded about watching porn with their mates or at least being flirtatious about it. As in "Hey, hun. When you're done watching your video do you think you can help me with something I need taken care of *wink,wink*." Do it enough times and your guy is going to think about you every time he watches one and wondering if you'd like this or that. She also stated if you can't join in and have a little fun, before, during or after watching the video look at it this way. Isn't it better for your husband to fantasize and whack off to an unobtainable porn actress rather than to make his fantasy real with the not as sexy woman next door?
ReplyDeleteAs for myself I have mixed emotions about porn. I think with my current husband I'd be cool with it for the most part and I think it'd be a great source for sparking bedroom creativity. I trust him and I know he respects me tremendously. I know he'd never even think of doing anything he'd considers degrading or harmful to me.
If you ever have time and are inclined to read "Pornland". Here is an excerpt from Amazon because I am just too lazy to form a complex thought right now:-D. The following may or may not be representative of my own thoughts on porn:
ReplyDeleteAs pornography has become both more extreme and more commercial, antiporn activist Dines argues, it has dehumanized our sexual relationships. The radical objectification and often brutal denigration of women in porn, she holds, leaks into other aspects of our lives. Dines's argument rests on a compelling, close reading of the imagery and narrative content of magazines, videos, and marketing materials; what is missing, however, is a similarly compelling body of research on how these images are used by viewers, aside from Dines's own anecdotal evidence. The author's appropriation of addiction terminology—viewers are called users, habitual viewing is an addiction, and pornography featuring teenagers is called Pseudo-Child Pornography or PCP—is distracting and suggests that rhetorical tricks are needed because solid argumentation is lacking. Likewise, Dines's opponents are unlikely to be swayed by her speculation tying porn viewing to rape and child molestation, nor by the selective sources she draws on to support her point (convicted sex offenders). The book does raise important questions about the commoditization of sexual desires and the extent to which pornography has become part of our economy (with hotel chains and cable and satellite companies among the largest distributors). (July)
Interesting point and good book suggestion
ReplyDeleteSounds like Brazilian women are a bit in denial...
ReplyDeleteThe one problem there is with (online) porn - I've learned the hard way - is that there is a very hazy line from that to prostitution. Sounds like a huge exaggeration, but it goes this way: porn flicks (actual productions) -> amateur porn -> girls online getting off to toys or even a partner (real time) -> online sex (here you can watch the semi-naked girl for free, but for that to go any further you gotta pay) -> one on one online sex -> strip bar private sessions -> hookers.
I never ever thought I would think something like this, much less write it, but some men can get hooked on the porn in an equivalent way to how some pot users end up escalating and doing crack to keep on looking for that thrill or whatever it is.
And it's not fun for the ones stuck with them.
Previous to that, I used to think porn was all a-OK and had enjoyed it with a few previous partners.
ps. to the one who said "my husband never watches"... don't tell me he's never away on work trips at hotels by himself. *Most* men will watch if given half a chance, they just don't share that they do (most of the time).
HA! You are hilarious. I'm in the camp of I Don't Want to Know About It. I want to know about most things, but I just don't want to know about it. If you catch at the wrong time (of the month), I might freak out, but most other times, I could care less.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I equate his possible desire to watch porn to my need to watch The Real Housewives of New York/Orange County/Beverly Hills. It's nasty stuff, my husband doesn't understand it at all (he's tried to watch, but given up in disgust). I feel dirty and guilty when I'm done. But on some level, it's satisfying some primal desire and I can't give it up. So, I guess, we are even.