Oh the poor Brazilian man. You are always the object of debate or fascination. You are called charming and untrustworthy. We foreigner women hate your blatant attention and yet complain when we aren't receiving it. You can never win! Wait, or do you always win?
The Brazilian man can openly compliment not one or two women but all of them. And they aren't necessarily being inggenuine. They just love ALL women. Honestly, part of me buys this. Just look at the kilo restaurants Rio de Janeiro is famous for. Nothing a Brazilian likes more than being able to go in and try a little bit of every kind of something.
I started thinking about this after reading an article in the Huffington post. In it the writer goes over why she has lost her sexy mojo when it comes to Brazilian men. They just don't compliment her as much. One of the possible reasons being because she darkened her hair. That or because she is "giving off an inaccessible vibe."
I could see that but not in the way that she is thinking. The Brazilian man is not deterred easily. They are persistent if anything. What changes after being here a while is that you stop hearing it. It is kind of like the noise of the city, you get used to it after a while. The "linda" (beautiful) and the obnoxious hisses start to blend in with the fruit guy yelling about bananas, the traffic, and general people movement.
Though I can give you some advice if you want to notice the attention again. Get pregnant. I'm dead serious. While I am not the favorite body type of the Brazilian man, while pregnant I was harassed more than a woman would be walking around naked. I'm telling you, at least Carioca men seemed inappropriately turned on by my baby belly. I couldn't go anywhere, ANYWHERE, without being aggressively whistled at, linda-ed, and hit on.
What do you think, is a pregnant woman that sexy or is it just a Brazilian thing?
Totally, I only get with pregnant chicks. Just kidding.
ReplyDeleteWell I think that this might be a worldwide phenomenon, let me give you are reason why.
1) Biologically we look for good partners to make supermodel children. We pick the person who we are attracted to (well, maybe) and someone who is generally healthy. When pregnant, you are showing the world that you are able to carry a child and therefore you passed the test.
2) Men in general like curves. Me, I can appreciate all body types....within reason of course (3,000 pound women are such a turn on... and I can only imagine what you gals want to do to a 3.000 pound man......) =/
3) Men are more forward with their cat calls, we all know that. It is really, really hard to catch girls checking me out or other guys in general. When I catch them it's kinda funny, but it's much easier to catch men doing it.
I'll never forget the time when I was in South Beach and an entire bar full of guys stopped what they were all doing and smiled and watched me as I walked by. I take it as a form of flattery!
My 2 cents.
Abracos,
Alex
Your cents are always appreciated :)
DeleteMust be you, Rachel! I'm sporting the belly...and zero compliments. :( It's starting to feel like I'm in the US, not Brazil, what with the dearth of psiu-psius!
ReplyDeleteThink BIG belly
DeleteAs I said above. The big change happened when I was BIG
ReplyDeleteAllow me to me *weigh* in (yes, I know, but please hold your applause 'til the end).
ReplyDelete1. Hitting on pregnant women is gross (and pretty immoral).
2. I have never seen a man in Brazil, or anywhere else, do this.
3. I do not engage in cat calls. I have though been subjected to a few psiu-psuis by people who just wanted to call my attention for numerous reasons. My answer: psiu-psiu é o perdão dos mal-educados.
4. Footage from Alex's South Beach bar occurrence has recently reached my hands, via a friend that was with him during said event.
The story did not play out exactly as Alex portrayed in his first message.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a-xFidwDbHI&feature=related
Damn Gritty, you should just be a detective. I can't go anywhere without paparazzi following me everywhere anymore. Ugh, total white girl problem.
DeleteSeriously Gritt, you should have seen it! But I will state that some creepy dudes posted my personal videos while pregnant and put them on some SUPER creepy fetish site for people who love pregnant women. While disgusted it did make me feel like I must have been a pretty hot whale.
DeleteAlex, I will scream at your from a restaurant anytime ;)
I knew Alex was a tango guy.
DeleteActually, I always thought of myself as more of a funk carioca kind of guy. You should see me dancing Creu. Magnificent!
DeleteThanks Rachel, I'll let you know when I'm in Rio so you can yell at me.
"While disgusted it did make me feel like I must have been a pretty hot whale."
DeleteAh, the underappreciated hot whale.
Only in Japan's enlightened - pay by the pound - sumo culture is this exquisite beauty still admired (yes, I used a someboutmary reference on that one).
Dude, they only hit on preggos because they know there can be absolutely no possibility another preggo situation accountable to them! Cariocas will boink anything they think they can get away with! Believe me, after talking to my cunhados and amigos, a pregger is prime a prime boinking target.
ReplyDeleteMeredith,
ReplyDeleteI could be wrong, but I am under the impression this is totally a Carioca thing!! :)
Ray
Rachel,
ReplyDeleteI think Greg hit the nail in the head, I was going to say exactly what he wrote.
Plus, we have a lesbian friend in Massachusetts, who is from Brazil and she is obsessed with pregnant women. She loves to have sex with them, looks for them and says she always get's lucky because apparently some husbands don't like to have sex with their wives during pregnacy, so they are needy and ready to have a little adventure.
Ray
Danielle, I know a lot of Brazilian men who are educated and have class. None of them would cat call to a woman on the street. This is very low class behavior so it shouldn't be ascribed to Brazilian men in general.
ReplyDeleteWhy does this guy keep calling you Danielle?
DeleteHey James, You are confusing me with Danielle from Danielle in Brazil: http://daniellebrazil.blogspot.com/
DeleteRachel, sorry about that. I was confused and did send you and email about that but never got an answer.
DeleteAlex, "this guy's" name is James.
Really?! people would hit on you when you were pregnant!! Maybe you were the most gorgeous pregnant on earth, and were just glowing... :)
ReplyDeleteI always thought of pregnant as asexual being... people would just rub you big-belly without asking because you are non-sexual being while pregnant... not sure if you can generalize this one on Brazil, and to be honest I never saw this behavior... Were you hit on during both pregnancies?
I kind of find this a bit disturbing to be honest, I agree with GP "1. Hitting on pregnant women is gross (and pretty immoral)."
I got it with both pregnancies, but more-so with my first. Maybe I looked too fertile pregnant and with a toddler ;))
DeleteRegarding the original article that generated this entry. Blonds are rare in Brazil (save for the south) so they will get a lot of attention and, as you know, our culture does not put many constrains on male behavior (for good or bad) so if we see an attractive women we will express it (from tacky cat calls to trying charm you on a bus stop)
ReplyDeleteI think her experience in Rio would have been different if the had lighter tone hair (her friend is right) not because we only goes for blonds but the is simply a lot of gorgeous brunet woman in Rio and her body type would be different from the "national preference" (or obsession depending on your point of view)
Total obsession. My youngest is blonde with blue eyes and people are constantly saying that he is so adorable and will be a big hit with the ladies. I'm starting to think that he could be a total dog but the blue eyes and blonde hair would make Brazilians find him beautiful anyway ;)
DeleteThat is because you live in a town with 3 people and they all know your husband ;)
ReplyDeleteBeing a Gringo guy, I love it that Brasilian guys are so aggressive, while single in Rio I met many Brasilian women who were repulsed by overly aggressive behavior by Brasilian guys and it worked to my great benefit by being very un-aggressive. I can see why Brasilian guys are that way, though, they live in a nation where women outnumber men. Having those odds in your favor is what makes most US women so unattractive to me. Nothing to do with physical attraction, just that US women know the odds are in their favor and often abuse that fact. Just as Brasilian guys do here, in my experience.
ReplyDeleteAs far as hitting on pregnant women, I say no way. I would never get serious with a woman who has young children, let alone unborn children. Many are just looking for a human cash machine.
PT!!! Thank you for posting that!
DeleteWhen I get there I will use my normal approach, not being super aggressive. If it gets me somewhere there I'll be a lot happier than here because I am an un-agressive kind of guy. It literally gets me nowhere here, NOWHERE! It's because the girls here know they have the power to reject anyone (and basically everyone.)
Good to know, in Brasil at least, that nice guys don't always finish last!!!
Alex, you may just find your version of paradise in Brasil! Rio proved to me that nice guys can finish first, they are respected and adored here in my experience.
DeleteThere are always exceptions of course, but it helps to learn as much Brasilian Portuguese as possible, and just have fun while you are here. The music, the dance, the food are all exceptional and unique.
Personally, I would try to avoid what I call the "pay per view" or "parking meter" ladies, no disrespect intended, but there are more than enough "normal" girls to meet.
And, don't skip Emporio! It is where I go when I really need to speak English.
When are going to be in Rio?
PT,
DeleteThanks for the advice!
Right now I'm in the process of putting together my study abroad program which will start next January (I still have some waiting to do unfortunately), but I'll probably spend 6 months in Sao Paulo then maybe do 6 months in Rio. If I can't do the second half through school, I still definitely want to spend a good chunk of time in Rio on my own.
I already speak close to fluent Portuguese. I've been studying it formally for almost 2 years now and I'm in love with it. Not to mention Brazilians, they are my favorite group on the planet. I've got my blog too, if you want feel free to stalk me. HA!
Thanks!
Alex
No on ever hits on me either, but I'm pretty sure it's because I'm taller then most of them.
ReplyDeleteThank goodness my husband had the smarts to bring me to Rondonia, because I would have bloody knuckles and a rap sheet from knocking some Cariocas out. It's despicable behavior, and the other men that allow this to continue have some culpability in sustaining this 'rape culture.'. Italy used to be like that, but I think all the sons, nephews, and grandsons of those men were so embarrassed that they ended the 'tradition.'
What? No more pinching in Italy? Frankly, I have seen Brasilian men behave in ways which just plain embarrassed me. There is a bar in Centro, forgot the name (this was about 7 or 8 years ago), where only women are allowed in until something like 10pm. The show consists of male strippers.
ReplyDeleteWhen the doors open to men there is a long line, once inside it is a frenzy of men literally grabbing the mostly drunk women, forcefully kissing them and being the most aggressive I had ever seen. Yet, I did not see one guy smacked upside the head, nor any well placed knees to the you know whats.
I was appalled, I wanted to ask the women what happened to their self respect. It must have been checked at the door.
And, while on the subject of Brasilian men behaving badly....I just noticed this about the BBB incident: Ex-BBB Daniel terá que entregar passaporte à Justiça, diz MP-RJ Objetivo do MP é evitar que o modelo deixe o país durante investigação. Daniel Echeniz é investigado pela polícia por suposto abuso sexual.
ReplyDeleteThere is no defense to what this guy allegedly did. It will be interesting to see how the case progresses.
Male Pig Index.
ReplyDelete1. Albanians
2. Middle East (also plagued by acute goat abuse)
3. Italians
4. Argies
5. Carioca
-------------------------------
Male Politeness Index
1. The Gritty Poet
2. Swiss
3. Scandanavians
4. Dutch (except to German women)
5. German (except to Dutch women)
You can take Italians off....seriously. There's been a shift there! I found Norther Europeans to be veery reserved.... especially the men in Barcelona and North.
DeleteI have yet to see a decent looking man in Rio that actually pulls the pssiius and fiufius. They are usually the ones you would run away in a heart beat. My guess this comes from lack of education (in all senses) and the strong macho man culture.
ReplyDeleteThere is this joke that goes around here that when this happens to you too much every where you go, you are a complete mess (being you're not looking your best).
It's not necessary a compliment.
Your reacting process to random street fiufius ( the time frame varies for each woman of course)
1) You get embarrased
2) You get flattered
3) You get annoyed
4) You get disgusted
5) You simply ignore it
Carioca women usulay hit level 5 by age 18 lol.
Rachel, I think this post was well timed with the recent judicial decision in the Rafinha Bastos case (he now has to pay a fine for saying he would screw a pregnant singer...and her baby too)
ReplyDelete@PTRio It has AMAZED me how many Carioca men I have heard defending the BBB guy. "If a girl drinks, she is looking to have sex with anyone/anything, if a girl goes anywhere unaccompanied (even on the train or metro) by a man she is "asking for it", if a girl dresses "sexy," she is asking for it....and my favorite of the week...girls who try to say any of this is rape or abuse are hiding behind "feminismo" because they are looking for an excuse to be whores.
That last one has left my baffled several times in the last week.
Apparently women are supposed to "know carioca men are pigs," accept it, and if we don't do everything possible to avoid it (basically running away and hiding behind another man whenever a man comes in our general vacinity) we are paving the way for sexual advances.
This is one of the few things I understand less and less the longer I live here.
Anon - It baffles me too, because while I was a single guy in Rio, an older single guy even then, not rich, not even close to Hollywood handsome, just a guy who liked to have fun, drink Cuba Libres and meet girls, I never had any problem meeting and, ahem, getting to know Brasilian females. Not on the scale of Wilt Chamberlain or Ron Jeremy mind you, but light years beyond anything possible in the US. So, why would any young and attractive Brasilian guy ever feel the need to be overly aggressive, let alone assault or even rape, a Brasilian woman? It makes no sense to me.
ReplyDeleteI have to believe a lot of my good fortune was due to the aggressive behavior of these "pigs". Bless them all for their rude, ignorant "kiss me now" attitude, it led to their loss and my gain. Eventually, I met J, my wife, and we have been happily married for 4 years now.
Still, I have been told there is some truth to the story that a Brasilian girl does not think you like her if you don't kiss her within 30 minutes of meeting, sometimes sooner. To me, that is aggressive. I did not kiss my wife the first night we met, and didn't see her again for a month. I took no chances the second meeting.....
Wow, getting a bit overboard aren't we?! When I said aggressive I meant guys who would be bold and hit/try to pick up women anywhere.
ReplyDelete"Force Kissing" a girl is not OK in our culture, I witnessed this terrible act only a few times and always during Carnaval (which does not make it OK) this is not a common behavior and the alleged rape if proven it is rape period and is obviously a crime, while BBB is not my cup of tea I'm kind of glad it brought this discussing up.
Our culture is machismo and that allows for more aggressive/bold behavior but that does not include force kiss or rape. There is a fine line between chatting up a women and forcing anything. Machismo leads to situation that is quite hard to Brazilian women to achieve working parity with male colleagues but I really do not believe that this lead to a culture of rape.
By the way, I grew up in a small Minas Gerais city so I was always quite mellow (for Carioca standard) when hitting on women back on the day (happily married now).
An aggressive individual will often evolve into more and more aggressive acts over time. I did not mean to imply that rape was tolerated in Brasil, if that is what you thought. However, sexual assaults are reported to authorities far less often in Central and South American nations than in the US, Canada and Europe, which makes it difficult to really know the true situation.
ReplyDeleteFor example, just by following the alleged BBB incident, it is clear to me that nothing would have come from it without the video. I suspect this sort of thing (sexual violence and assaults) occur more often in Brasil than many are aware of or want to believe. They just don't get reported because the victims would, in most situations in the past, have had to report these to men who either disbelieved the victim or subsequently failed to take any action. Or, the victim was further victimized by having reported the incident. Hopefully that is changing.
Yes and no, in my opinion.
DeleteYes, the risk of un-reported case makes statistics hard to compare and any rate of rape is to high - it is a hideous crime, hopefully we can evolve o a society with zero sexual assaults. To combat the risk of unreported case Brazil created "Delegacia da Mulher" so the victims would be on a safe environment without "but what were you doing/how were you dress/where you asking for it" BS questions by male police officers.
I don't think the aggressive way Carioca men hit on women leads to aggressive acts... I do not think or witness in my experience a behavior of physical intimidation as being the norm in Brazil or in Rio, kiss me or else type of thing as you said yourself there is no need for that. Yes there are the occasional a$$ whole that will force kiss, grope women on the street/subway etc but this isn't the norm.
I think to hit on a pregnant woman (or married) is aggressive/bold (courting) but I really don't think it would escalate to an aggressive act. I don't think this is sexual harassment.
Rachel I was in the same boat when I was pregnant! It happened early on though and I think that I just filled out a bit and didn't look so straight. I even had a random guy send over a glass of wine to my table.... weird. Normally in Brazil I don't even get a second glance from men but when pregnant I couldn't keep them away!
ReplyDeleteWhile Luiz and I continue to try - niether of us seems to get pregnant. So I can't really offer a personal perspective on the subject.
ReplyDeleteKeep working on it Jim...try over and over and over and over.
Deleteahahahah!
DeleteIt's good that people are speaking up against sexually agressive behavior.
ReplyDeleteThere is still a topic though that few dare touch: man on mascot abuse.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VCl6n4TbpwQ
Poor Thunderbug.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAAAAAAA
ReplyDelete