Thursday, October 20, 2011

Childless Friend Questions SAHM (stay at home Mom)

This is an advice column Q & A that a friend of mine posted on my Facebook page. It is an old one, circa 2007, but the brilliant question answer Carolyn Hax wrote something that should keep circulating! Go check her out and at the Washington Post

By Carolyn Hax
Wednesday, May 23, 2007


Best friend has child. Her: exhausted, busy, no time for self, no time for me, etc. Me (no kids): Wow. Sorry. What'd you do today? Her: Park, play group . . .

Okay. I've done Internet searches, I've talked to parents. I don't get it. What do stay-at-home moms do all day? Please no lists of library, grocery store, dry cleaners . . . I do all those things, too, and I don't do them EVERY DAY. I guess what I'm asking is: What is a typical day and why don't moms have time for a call or e-mail? I work and am away from home nine hours a day (plus a few late work events) and I manage to get it all done. I'm feeling like the kid is an excuse to relax and enjoy -- not a bad thing at all -- but if so, why won't my friend tell me the truth? Is this a peeing contest ("My life is so much harder than yours")? What's the deal? I've got friends with and without kids and all us child-free folks get the same story and have the same questions.

Carolyn's Brilliant Answer:

Relax and enjoy. You're funny.

Or you're lying about having friends with kids.

Or you're taking them at their word that they actually have kids, because you haven't personally been in the same room with them.

Internet searches?

I keep wavering between giving you a straight answer and giving my forehead some keyboard. To claim you want to understand, while in the same breath implying that the only logical conclusions are that your mom-friends are either lying or competing with you, is disingenuous indeed.

Finish reading Carolyn's answer at: THIS LINK Trust me, it's worth your time.

As for my childless readers, is this what you guys actually think?


  1. I think she answered that brilliantly, especially the part about it taking moms 45 minutes to do tasks that non-moms can do in 15 minutes.

  2. I have always imagined raising kids to be like supervising those battery driven toys that seem to wander randomly and rapidly all over the place, except that the toys in this scenario would eat, cry, crap, need a daily bath plus their battery would never run out, it would go dormant for a few hours and then kick back into full gear, over and over again. The toys would also have feelings and you would be expected to relate to them (ugh) and educate them (I'm thinking of blowing my brains out at about this point).
    The person who wrote that letter obviously doesn't know what she's talking about.
    On a lighter note that comic strip on the top right hand corner of the article is just brilliant. I haven't laughed this hard for a while. Definitely going to google the artist so to see more of his work.

  3. I love Carolyn Hax!! I read her religiously every day! Great answer, as usual.

  4. It never occurred to me that someone could think that way. What does she think a child is? I only have dogs and sometimes I lock them with me in the kitchen when I need to do something back there, because otherwise it takes forever if I need to keep checking on the puppy!

    Also, a job tipically *ends* when you get home, just to mention one thing.

    Plus: "all of us child-free"... I never met this sort of people, let alone a bunch of them that feel like they're in a peeing contest.

  5. Aw, sad! As one of your childless friends, I've never doubted that my mom-friends were busy, but I'll admit that I get a little selfishly sad when friends get pregnant, because I think, "man! Another one bites the dust! They'll never have time to hang out anymore!" and that's inevitably what happens and then I miss them!

  6. From a childless friend point of view it sucks because we realize that we don't have many things in common anymore. It's not just her lack of time to hang out (totally understanble!). We've tried many times, but I really can't keep a conversation about diapers, strollers, baby food and play groups. I miss my best friend big time.

  7. I'm a housewife without children and my job never stops so multiply my job by however many children someone has and it's crazy! NONSTOP MAYHEM.

  8. It's nice to confirm that the question writer is bat ass crazy. I do agree with you point however that you do losd us a bit after we have kids. They are life consuming.

  9. well I am married I dont have kids and didnt work for the last 2 years, this life of mine was just the dream: got housework done in short time and had the full day for me to do nothing at all, I really enjoyed. Now is over:(
    As for kids, i think I dont have them as i cant copy one minute with all the work kids are. One sunday lunch around 4 nephews and 3 nieces reminds me forever to take the pill.
    Ana Flavia

  10. Sorry, but I have no sympathy for inconsiderate childless people like the question lady. They could even say they never lived around children so they don't know any better but it's just proof they are selfish self-centered ungenerous idiots (I would have used more pleonasms if space allowed).

    Btw, this is from a childless person. But I don't need to have lived around children (although I did as someone in my family was popping one every six moths) to know that 5min is all it takes for a child to be in harms way, and when a child is in harms way it is usually with dire consequences.

    I don't need to have lived around children to know that when someone is utterly dependent on you for 100% everything (eat, dress, protect, speak, move, etc times infinity) the physical and mental exhaustion is overwhelming.

    Alright, this is from someone who's being babysitting nephews and nieces for about 20yrs now. But I also do not remember being 3yo and positive sure the socket on the wall was dangerous, that adding water in the pan would cook the rice, or that I could by myself even tie my shoes!

    So, to people out there reading this comment who sees a mother/father (or even the nanny, why not?) with their children in tow please do let them pass in front of you in the queue, let them sit on your bus seat, carry their bags if you can, open a door, pick their stuff if it falls on the floor, because I asure you your day was not even close to be as hard as theirs!! And also, please remember your mother - or whoever took care of you - in these situations (I always do!) for although people do have children because they choose to, remember your mother chose you!

    Thanks for sharing the story Rachel and for letting others rant away on your blog :) I feel great now!


  11. I don't really feel like to have a parent life... I have think about it many times and I prefer my freedom to do whatever i want and spend my money in whatever i want... have kids is pretty expensive and you will have no life for the next 20 years maybe...