Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Grandma Brings the Booty

Not that kind of booty people! That's my fabulous Mother you are thinking about! Anyway, not only is she playing Santa by hauling piles a crap to Brazil, she is also my guest post for the day. Read on and see where I get my sass from:


Heading for Rio for Christmas…Santa and his wife flying economy on American Airlines. I get two suitcases at 70 lbs each. Looking at the booty piled in the dining room I think I’m already screwed. I’ve been eyeing Santa’s suitcases…he can get all of his clothes in a carry-on. It’ll be hot…how much does he really need.

I have mad packing skills. I’ve hauled down a desktop computer, a Diaper Genie, Thanksgiving dinner minus the turkey, the entire toy aisle at Target, the candy section three aisles over, piles of little boy clothes and shoes, Bisquick, Campbells soup, A-1 sauce, shower heads, a million Zip Lock bags and a zillion disposable diapers…and a blow-up rubber ducky bath tub.

Ducky was the last item in the bag, smoothed out over the top of a box of Lego’s and a set of Tupperware, with his bill stuffed in a crevice on the side. I could hear him quacking as the suitcase rounded the corner on the conveyor belt. The TSA left me a note saying they had cut my TSA approved (they have a key) lock off and searched the suitcase…bet they were sorry. I think they took some of the peanut butter cups as compensation…

I have a growing list on the fridge and the doorbell just rang…UPS dropping off another box of must have toys and a few shirts Only Daughter found on line and had shipped here…I may have to pay for an extra suitcase.

Dear Mr. Rant…when you pick us up at the airport you may need an extra car….bring backup.


  1. I think there should be a support group (or Facebook Group) devoted to Mamas of expat girls in Brazil! My Mom has the same lists at this very minute, packages arriving and the piles are shifted by priority. There is always a pile of what did not fit waiting for next year. She considers it complete failure to be anywhere under 65#! FYI the extra baggage fees have been increasing. But it still better than mailing a box by far. (That is my rationale and I'm sticking to it). But it should be noted that my husband does not buy my theory as mailing a box is optional as is the extra suitcase). I met a family in Sao Paulo that did not use suitcases. Only huge rubbermade tubs that they drilled holes in and then tied the lids shut. That way they never gave up any weight for the suitcases and did not have to store them in the apartment. It is funny how it makes me a appear rather materialistic and I promise I'm not. But my heart does go pitter pat at the electric tea kettle, treats and tampons coming my way soon. On behalf of all the daughters...we thank you for your mad packing skills, for the fact that you unwrap and consolidate everything and the fact that you trade a white Christmas and carols for one with sweat and sand!

  2. Wow! You've set the bar so high you may suffer the wrath of other mothers who will now be forced to try to match your performance standards!

    Hope you all have a wonderful holiday together next month!

  3. Ahh, aren't mums great? Mine has only been out to see me once (so far!), but I felt awful when I took her bags at the airport and realised how much heavy stuff she'd brought out for me. Nice timing with Christmas fast approaching :)

  4. Zip lock bags are gold, gold I tell you!

  5. I miss Zip Lock bags. No idea why they stopped selling them in Brazil.