The Annual Argument

Mr. Rant and I have our annual argument today. It comes about at some kind of family lunch or event. It is always centered on our children and it is fully due to cultural differences.

I don't know why I let it get to me still. It really is just the culmination of a bunch of tiny little things over a lunch or a family weekend that seem to push me over the edge.

Take today for instance. My Mother-in-law was kind enough to take it upon herself to make my boys' plates at lunch. I have no idea why it rubbed me the wrong way because what she was doing was her being helpful. But I have just never warmed to the idea of my children equally belonging to everyone in the family. It annoyed me to see her automatically determining what they would eat and not at all consulting me. At the same time, we live here. She is with the boys all the time. It's not like their habits are a mystery to her. Just the same, I felt that burning annoyed feeling when she cut up pork on Chatterbox's plate, the exact meat I had just finished saying that I do not think is good to eat. Side note, I think pork (minus sausage because there's no real meat in it anyway) is a dirty meat. I do not purchase or serve it to my family.

So that was the first annoyance, and I'll admit that it was something I should be over by now as it has been the story of my life here. No one died. Chatterbox was happy eating it. Not a biggie...

Then the Menace decided he wanted to roam around the restaurant. I'm not too anal about this but I do expect my kid to finish eating before they start running amok. But today there was a little girl sitting behind us and the family thought it was adorable that the Menace wanted to talk to her. I was thoroughly annoyed because we are working on exactly this with the Menace, sitting down to eat and then getting up. I'm being a hardass as he has been being a pain in the ass.

Was this respected? Nope. And since I was already cranky I did actually put my foot down. I told them no, the Menace got a talking to, and he actually cried. I thought I was going to get stoned right there in the restaurant. Holy crap I held my almost 3 yr old accountable and he did not like it. How dare I! I obviously should have been like the woman with the 4 yr old girl who had to keep calling her back to the table to spoon a mouthful in before she ran off again.

The Menace and the family ended up winning that one as it had jumped into the impossible battle.
But I informed him, if you don't sit to eat you don't get ice cream afterward. He accepted that, played with the girl, and ran back to grab bits of food off his plate occasionally.

And it is just this that I find so frustrating. I know we are at a restaurant with the family but why because we are with them do I lose rule over my own children?! How is that? Of course I am the only one bothered by it as the Grandparents take control and my kids obviously choose the way which means they get to do whatever the hell they want.

Anyway, we finally left the restaurant and headed out for ice cream. The in-laws didn't think that I was going to stick with the rules. They actually called the Menace over to get ice cream. I didn't let it happen and the Menace accepted it. He saw Chatterbox with his and when he asked for some I asked him "Did we sit and eat our lunch?" He smiled, said no, and went on with his life.

That is just the thing, culturally Brazilians are not as rigid with their kids as some of us Americans are. Sleep routines, bedtimes, consequences, or standard rules are not part of the day. Just like the rest of life, in Rio de Janeiro at least, they just go with the flow. You know what, it works for them. I see parents spoon feeding  7 yr olds at restaurants or small children out until midnight during the week and everyone seems ok with it. I have Moms tell me that their children will only eat sausage and thus that is what they feed them, everyday. Fair enough. To each their own. They obviously didn't grow up in my home where I quickly learned what "putting your foot down" means.

But as someone who is so not like that, it drives me insane. I can be pretty damn flexible with my kids but I draw the line at running after them to eat. I can not stand listening to people trying to convince kids to please do something. No, you do it or you don't get to do this. If you are fine with that then great. If not, do what you are supposed to. There is room for discussion but not everything is a discussion. I'm sorry but I just don't have the time nor the energy for it.

And it drives me insane to feel like someone is undermining my parenting because they feel that they can handle it better, as if they are coming in to save the children and smooth things over. Back off dude. I am the Mother.

At the same time, it is never going to change. In Brazil the Grandparents, Uncles, Aunts, close friends etc have a certain amount of authority with your kids. In some ways it is great, in others it is extremely annoying. The key though, it is not done maliciously. No one is trying to actually undermine me or anything like that. In their way they are helping. They are being involved as all good Brazilian family members are. I can totally appreciate the positive and helpful place it comes from. I know my in-laws and the rest of the family adore me and my kids. We are their family. Though sometimes the American in me wants to throw a stinking fit and cry.

Oh wait, I did that this afternoon. I guess you can check that off the to do list. ;)

Freaking cultural differences! Which ones have you experienced? 

Brazilian Things that Make Me Go "Huh?"

In all the time I've lived in Rio de Janeiro there are some things I still do not get. Here's the list:

1. The obsession with babies and socks. It could be 104 degrees but their toes are cold. They've melted off and onto the sidewalk but I'll scoop them up and put them into socks if it makes you happy.

2. The one piece workout suit. Please refer to the above photo. I'm sorry but regardless of the make up and attempt at edgy accessories, the 80s are over and they want their jumpsuit back.

3. Kids at bars. No, not all bars but at some street bars. Personally, I like to drink without the company of preschoolers. Just saying.

4. That cold floors give people colds. Seriously, people say that. It gives them a cold. I thought science existed and thus stopped this kind of madness.

5. How weather changes cause colds. I thought it was pretty well known that viruses cause them. Coincidentally viruses tend to be common around the same time as fall, aka weather changing time. Am I the only one who has heard of science?

6. Coca Cola and toddlers. Why not just give them crack?! And no, the argument that they love it does not fly. How do they know what it is in the first place?! Btw, I had to practically backhand the family to keep the coke away from my boys.

7. Avocado and milk Vitaminas (smoothies). Sure, your avocados are sweet and you add sugar but it's still nasty! I'll take my avocado on a salad thank you very much. You go ahead and think I'm the crazy one.

8. Sleeping over at your adult boyfriend's parent's apartment. Talk about a walk of shame... right into the living room. It's culturally ok and my husband expects me to open the doors for our boys when they are older. FYI, this is a future blog post.

9. The live-in maid. Maybe in a mansion but in my tiny ass apartment that barely fits my collection of American Girls dolls... Did I just say that out loud? Ignore it. I'm lying.

10. Black beans with spaghetti pasta. My boys LOVE it. When they won't eat anything else, they'll eat this. It makes me gag. Oh well, Iron and Carbs...

Culture Shock from Across the Border

All of us, Brazilian and foreigners alike, know that a trip to the bank in Brazil is a pain in the ass. Heaven forbid you actually try to open a bank account as a foreigner! You'll be asked to jump threw hoops of fire, ice, and possibly rabid bums.  You really never know.

Imagine the shock my ex-student, and now proud LEGAL Canadian resident, felt when he went into the bank and opened an account with no problem.

Honestly, I had long forgotten how it is to open an account N. America, but when I think about it, it is one thing our banks do well. That, and charge us extra fees and take our money, thus the desire to open new accounts.

My student was shocked as he was ushered over to a nice desk right away, when he got to meet the bank manager, and when the manager asked him if the service was ok.  Say what? The bank manager cares if I am pleased with their service?!

Yes our new Canadian resident, they do.  Everyone does. This little thing is called costumer service.  It's all the rage up north.  It's a combination of salesperson desperation, commission incentives, and North Americans need to have their egos stroked.

And it rocks! There is nothing like having a salesperson actually listen to you and, get this, try to help.  It's amazing. And if you aren't satisfied, they actually attempt to fix it, most of the time anyway.  And return policies... you can always argue return policies.

I will say, customer service is a service I really miss and now my student knows why.  After his banking experience, he called his wife to exclaim that she should have been there! She should have seen how much easier their life was going to be!

That's the funny thing about being an ex-Pat, you never know what will bring you to the other side. Personally, I'm not quite ready to give up on Rio just because I needed to have two official copies of pictures of my left ass cheek just to open a savings account, among other things.  I still find other parts of the grass down here a little greener.