Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Slow walkers beware!

Cariocas are a special breed of slow walkers.  They've mastered the slow walk and then designated it as below them.  But, you may ask, how do you develop something even more annoying than the slow walker?

I'll tell you. You know the phenomenon that is the zig zag walker.  Well, the Cariocas have patented the slow walking zig zagger.  Oh yes.  It does exist and it's right here in Rio de Janeiro.

You're cruising along with your stroller and get caught behind an obvious slow walker. Thankfully you're on a rare large sidewalk so you decide to try to pass and the WAM BAM, they are in front of you again!  How did that happen? Dare I say, it was a zag.  That 60 + year old lady just zagged your ass and she's damn proud of it.  Go on, try to pass her and she'll do it again. And if you manage to get past the slow walking zig zagger, even if you do it without cutting them off, you'll get a dirty look.  You might as well have ran over their heel, you'll get the same dirty look either way.

I have fallen victim to many slow walking zig zaggers of all ages and races.  The SWZZ does not discriminate.  I have found a weapon to combat it. It's called the huge double stroller. I named it The Hulk.  The Hulk is full of about 50 pounds of childhood ammo and I drive that thing around like a Brazilian bus driver.  You heard it here first, you SWZZ my ass and I'll take you down!  

Here's a link to another blog discussing the slow walking phenomenon in Barcelona: Woolgathering


  1. Sometimes I try to walk really really closely on the left hand side of said zigzaggers but it's like they don't even feel me breathing on their neck.
    Either that or their zigzagging tendencies just can't be stopped.
    They're just out for a Sunday walk everyday of the week.

  2. Or at 11am every day in Flamengo as all the Grandmas join together to go to Hortifruiti at the same time ;)

  3. I do exactly what Linds said. I also have my keys hanging making annoying noise to make then notice me trying to pass by.

  4. I forgot to tell about the office people. They get out to lunch and walk side by side, all of them, blocking the entire sidewalk.

  5. It is not worse than tourists in NYC.