Neurosis of a Carioca

I can´t speak for all Cariocas, but I can speak for my husband. I find that as mellow as this specific breed of Brazilian is, the Carioca has some really funny deal breakers.

1. Coconut water: My husband will not drink pre-packaged coconut water. He says it tastes dirty. Plus it´s just ridiculous to drink it out of a box when you can go outside and get it fresh.    It´s a good point. And as a processed food, everything comes in a box and loving it American, I never even thought of that. 

2. The dirty beach:  My husband hates dirty beaches. Funny because I consider any city beach dirty but there are degrees of dirty in the mind of my Carioca husband. For starters, you can not even step on the sand at Praia do Flamengo.  It will eat your feet right off. Ok, maybe not but it´s still not recommended. You can, however, walk on Praia Vermelha (Red beach) but can not go in the water. You get the point.

3. You do not, unless it´s completely unavoidable, go near the ponte on the last day of a holiday weekend. This is just insanity and will cause your spouse to call in the professionals. Of course if you are returning from Buzios or something like that, it´s ok.  Then again, I´m sure my husband would say there are even better routes. 

4. You can not plan to meet someone on a beach without getting their cell phone number. It does not matter if you designated a spot, are going to put up a sign, or will have a plane circling. It´s madness to not have the person´s cell! We had this discussion yesterday when I, oh dear goodness the sanity of it all, didn´t get my friend´s cell number.  By the way, we found each other just fine.

5. Sit on your bed in your street clothes:  He will not sleep well if he sees me do this. Seriously, the microscopic germs he imagines transferring from the butt of my jeans, through the blanket, and into the mattress will keep him up at night.  He´s not the first person I´ve seen with this rule.  The entire family does it.  People in the family wouldn´t hold my newborn because they had just been outside, on the street. I was like, then unless you move in with me, you´ll never hold the kid. Apparently, just walking outside makes you a dirty sack. 

Just a few little things that make me laugh every time.  I wouldn´t even notice these things if it weren´t for the people closest to me.  Got to love their little crazies.  Goodness knows they love mine, or at least are good at faking. 

By the way, the great image highlighting this post is from the book I am Neurotic.  The brilliant Lianna Kong composed a book of people´s random neurosis.

What are yours?