Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Creepy Carioca Men

 A little message to creepy Carioca men, you are not as smooth as you think you are.

As much as anyone would imagine saying a creepy sounding 'Oi' and then licking your lips would attract the opposite sex, it doesn't.  Shockingly, it does not help if you translate Oi, you intellectual man you, into Hi.

Logically, because you seem oh so logical, if you say "You are so beautiful," I'm just going to jump into your arms while simultaneously ripping off my clothing. Oh yes, everything you've heard about us American women is true.

And the biggest winner would have to the sounds. Whistles, grunts, mmmm hmmmms, and all other non-verbal conversation sends me over the roof. As if Rio de Janeiro wasn't hot enough already.

Don't get me wrong, I think it's awesome that you leave your house feeling like a non-Metro Rodrigo Santoro.  Confidence is something everyone should have.  I just suggest you stop for a second and look around your house.  Any Gringa women putting their clothes back on there? Laying naked in your bed?  Have you received any phone calls in English or broken Portuguese lately?

My guess is going to be no for all of the above. So maybe, just maybe, your methods are not quite hitting their target.  Don't worry, we all know you have mad skills, you really don't need to prove it to anyone. Just saying we ladies are weird and don't get obvious moves.

Personally, I love it when a man plays hard to get.  Just turns me on.  Maybe you should try ignoring us!  Maybe we don't even exist.  Try it out for a while and see how it fits.  Hell, couldn't get any worse...

But it could get a whole lot better for us!


  1. Ok, my husband told me that sometimes their stupid pick-ups work and they get laid. So I think Brazilians just randomized tactics. And Brazilians love to have sex. My grandmother and mother-in-law both told me that they love to have sex. YIKES! More than I needed to know. Yeah it's a generalization. But Brazilian men do have some social reasons to why they love sex..... But I am not going to geek out in this post.

    I remember when you said (in a later post) about how eve contact may just be an open sex invitation. Sometimes, I feel like Brazilian men are trying to have sex with my eyes!!! It sounds crazy, but I don't know how else to explain... well I could but this sounds way cooler. I just put out "I am a bitch signal", if I don't want to be bothered and that works. Brazilian don't like non-happy people. AND wearing sunglasses helps.

  2. GAhhhhh damn the "psu-psu", it gets me every time! I always think I dropped something, or an old lady needs my help, so I quickly turn around to see a pot-bellied old man grinning while he scratches his balls. blah!
    Nina- I agree that Brazilians love to have sex...but then again, who doesn't?

  3. I have never, ever, ever understood why straight guys think that being rude and disgusting is somehow the best way to hook up with a strange woman.

    I’ll admit that I separated from the straight guys back in high school, so I was never around for the pow wows where they compared strategies. But sneering and grunting coochie coochie under your breath? Please. Even I know that is a bad idea.

    A few days ago I saw a street sweeper guy cat calling at an attractive young woman walking home from work. It was impossibly rude and the woman was polite enough to look straight ahead and pretend she did not hear the creep. But if she had a shoulder rocket launcher, perhaps things would have been different.

    The thing is, if you love to have sex, you would think you would come up with a more successful strategy for hooking up!

    Down with creeps.

  4. Rachel,

    This post made me laugh, it is true and so freaking ridiculous, but I keep wondering if these strategies ever worked for any creep ever...
    In some parts of Italy guys will actually give a little tap, a light slap or even grab womens butts...I can't see that happening in Rio though.
    I tried to imagine what would be like if gay creeps applied such strategy...a black eye is the first thing that comes to mind,lol... :)


  5. The worst is the sound that they make which sounds like what we'd do back home to scare a stray cat out of the yard (kind of a ssss-hissing sound). If anyone asks why I've completely let myself go since moving here, I tell them it's because I didn't like hearing that sound. ;) Thankfully it seems to be working and it has almost completely stopped!