Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Is Marriage becoming the new obsolete?

I got these stats from Time Magazine:

Is marriage becoming obsolete?:

62% of unmarried parents living with their partner say YES.
46% of unmarried also say YES
45% High School education or less say YES
39% of ALL groups say YES
31% of married say YES
27% of college educated folk say YES

My personal favorite is that 44% of Americans under 30 say marriage is heading for extinction yet only 5% of those in that age group do not want to marry.

First and foremost, I think we can all say that marriage has changed.  Older women marry younger men.  Stay-at-Home Dads aren't that uncommon anymore.  There are 2 income families, no income families, and a woman who became a man and married a woman but saved her/his uterus and had babies.

Things have changed.

Now, I have never quite understood all the judgement around marriage. The sacredness of the union, in the sense that everyone is throwing around these days.

People get married in Vegas for 3 hours and then get it annulled, shout out to Ms. Spears.  Hell, Amy Winehouse was allowed to marry and I doubt she can remember anything from the past 5 years at all. People get divorced, people cheat, people lie, and people beat... on each other. I was going with the whole rhyme thing.

On the other hand, people yearn for it. People make drama about it. When is he going to ask me?!  When am I going to find someone?!

We put so much pressure on a concept. It's a concept people.  An idea of 2 people coming together to take on life as a team.  Yes, it's a beautiful concept. Doubly yes, no one wants to die alone.  Triple yes, sometimes after many year of marriage, you double think that whole dying alone thing.

In Brazil, if you move in with each other, you are referred to as married.  The line of thought is that you live together and basically are, just sans the paper.  Personally, I think it's because it's a bitch to rent and get your own place in Brazil. You have to buy a washer, an oven, and a fridge for goodness sake.  That's commitment.

What I really don't get is that with all the socially acceptable changes happening around marriage, why the big old Red Haring tradition argument?  We have blended families, unmarried couples raising children, Single Mothers, Divorce, 3rd marriages, Jewish/Hindu wedding ceremonies, and so on and so forth.  You name it, we've done it.  The great thing about traditions is that they can always be adapted and new ones can be made.

So my question is, why the drama about gay marriage? Hell, 39% of you (44% under 30) think it's on the out anyway. It's the tube sock of tradition these days.  It never really goes out of style but it kind of does at the same time.

So what gives?  We don't like pairs?  I mean, after the woman/man had a baby person got married, we're basically saying it comes down to genitals. That's genitalism or something?

Personally, I have nothing against genitals nor gay marriage. I think we straight people have screwed the sacred union over enough. Let's just try to add in another group and see if they can help turn it around.  Maybe we can bedazzle over the stains left on the so-called pious tradition.

And don't even comment on my blog that gays can basically be married. Didn't we LONG ago cover that separate but equal is NOT equal?  Do you not remember history class?  Shame shit, different stink.

So what are you thoughts?  Is marriage on the outs?  Should we open our hypocritically restricted laws? Let's start a dialog


  1. Of course marriage is changing. The more it changes, the more it remains the same.


  2. My view written in July - http://www.talking2myself.com/2010/07/16/the-changing-face-of-marriage/ - some links in the comments to a couple other articles too...

  3. What it means to be married is changing, but that doesn't mean that some people shouldn't have the right to get the piece of paper. A marriage license is symbolic and couples of all genders, races, and religions enjoy symbolism. If two people make each other happy and understand the challenges and joys of what being married is all about, then they should have the right to tie the knot legally. I agree with you--what is the drama all about?

  4. The social engineers among the religious and political institutions will not let marriage go away - they need it for their own agendas.

    Hpefully the laws regarding access to marriage will chang, in obvious ways. There are many rights and privileges that one gets via a legal marriage which are not availalbe to others (see social engineering note above).

    Luiz and I fight for marriage rights not so much because we want access to the institution (which has a checkered history) but rather for the rights.

  5. Your favorite stat is mine too. When you put things in this frame of mind then I dont understand what the big deal is over gay marriage. Great post and thanks for helping me with my Oprah campaign..

  6. Gay marriage led me to your topic and blog.
    The states that allow US gay marriage don't allow immigration rights with that ... hence I am considering moving to Sao Paolo since Brazilian gay marriage apparently allows immigration rights. I don't speak Portuguese enough yet though so it is intimidating. I need my little Brasileiro though;)

  7. Immigration rights is a big problem in the states. We've had issues even though we are the "perfect" immigration couple, straight and happily married. Seriously, they need to throw the entire system away and start over again.

    You can learn Portuguese! If I can, so can you :) The Brasileiro is great motivation.

  8. marriage is a religious act. so how many people these days believe in god?
    i am one of those people who think marriage is obsolete. i don't like marriage because it's involving goverment too much. goverment rules make me stay away from marriage. me , my girlfriend and my child are happy without marriage, so who need marriage anyway...