10 Ways to Move Without it Ending in Divorce

As everyone in the world knows, I'm in the middle of a move. Let me share some of the pearls of wisdom that this move has bestowed upon me.

1. Allow for coping techniques. We are all different and need to cope in different ways. If that means that Mr. Rant needs to aimlessly roam around the only available 4 feet of floor space in circles for about 8 minutes in a moment of being totally lost, so be it.

2. Do not complain about someone's smell unless you've smelt yourself first.

3. If someone is in charge of a task, do not micromanage them. I have to say I'm pretty damn good at this one. Mr. Rant, on the other hand, is the micromanaging queen of the world. It's a part of his charm.

4. Have sex. I don't care if it is on a box. Someone should get laid during a time like this.

5. Remember that a possible zombie invasion is not a good excuse for keeping old crap that needs to be thrown out.

6. Less girliness ladies! Men can hardly handle it on a normal day. It's more than enough to push them over the edge in the midst of choas. Now if that was what you were going for, bring on the pink!

7. If someone is on the phone with a company, do not attempt to find out what is happening and/or start having your own imaginary conversation with the idiot the other person is talking to. I, for one, can not help but do this. I infuriate Mr. Rant as I am always wrong about what is happening on the other end and get way too riled up. What can I say, it's part of my charm.

8. Should someone have a mini meltdown, stay calm. This is normal with moves. Hell, I just had one this morning.

9. If you are the one who had the meltdown, apologize immediately if not sooner. Said it already but sorry Mr. Rant!

10. If all hell breaks lose, build a box fort and have a picnic. Humor can get you though just about anything.

And When the Whirlwind Romance Doesn't Last?

When we read about cross cultural relationships and the relocations that follow, we think all about the love. The story of the chase, the move, and the adaptation are just so romantic and interesting. 

We rarely stop to think about what happens when things don't work out. Oh, don't get all excited. Mr. Rant is not on the market. We said til death do us part and if it comes down to that it'll be his. 

So what happens to us foreigners when the relationship that caused us to move in the first place goes down in flames? I bet you all think I'm going to get sentimental. Come on, I'm American. I'm going to get legal! 

After exchanging some emails with a lawyer friend, and reaffirming her that I'm not about to leave my husband, I found out some details. 

We get jack!  Well, you can't say exactly that.  For starters, it depends on the type of marriage contract you entered into here in Brazil. Are you  universal, partial or 100% separated? Mr. Rant and I went universal as we had nothing so it really didn't even need to be discussed. The newbie love and lack of belongings made the decisions easy. I was, however, worried about the security of my Havaiana collection until I realized he has bigger feet. 

From there we go into work and independence. If you are a stay at home Momma who makes next to nothing, you usually get 30% of your husband's income. Of course this is all situation based. If you are young like myself, this will be limited and you'll be told to find a job. Oh the humanity! 

If you are an independent and working woman, you get your own paycheck.  Children will open you up to a bit of child support. Of course, as a woman, if children are involved you usually get to keep the homestead. Primary custody usually goes to the Mother but that can be discussed and if the children are 12 years or over they can voice their opinion. 

Now all of this varies on how much the husband makes and/or can afford, the situation of the household, the wife's income, and the phases of the moon. 

Seriously, this is a very fair system. I'm starting to understand why it takes so damn long to get your case heard in court! They actually figure stuff out down here. 

Of course, as a Mother, I will say that it does not matter how much a husband can afford to give when it comes to child support. If there are children involved they should get enough to keep their lifestyle. The Mother and Father can live on Top Ramen and black beans if money is an issue. 

So there you have it. A rational system that takes time to run.  

Emotionally, that's a whole new ballgame. Personally, I wouldn't leave Rio de Janeiro. This is my home, and more importantly, the home of my boys. Their Father is here.  Then again, I'm not in that situation and single Motherhood anywhere, but especially here, is not easy. Props to all the single Mothers out there!

What would you do? 

Is Marriage becoming the new obsolete?

I got these stats from Time Magazine:

Is marriage becoming obsolete?:

62% of unmarried parents living with their partner say YES.
46% of unmarried also say YES
45% High School education or less say YES
39% of ALL groups say YES
31% of married say YES
27% of college educated folk say YES

My personal favorite is that 44% of Americans under 30 say marriage is heading for extinction yet only 5% of those in that age group do not want to marry.

First and foremost, I think we can all say that marriage has changed.  Older women marry younger men.  Stay-at-Home Dads aren't that uncommon anymore.  There are 2 income families, no income families, and a woman who became a man and married a woman but saved her/his uterus and had babies.

Things have changed.

Now, I have never quite understood all the judgement around marriage. The sacredness of the union, in the sense that everyone is throwing around these days.

People get married in Vegas for 3 hours and then get it annulled, shout out to Ms. Spears.  Hell, Amy Winehouse was allowed to marry and I doubt she can remember anything from the past 5 years at all. People get divorced, people cheat, people lie, and people beat... on each other. I was going with the whole rhyme thing.

On the other hand, people yearn for it. People make drama about it. When is he going to ask me?!  When am I going to find someone?!

We put so much pressure on a concept. It's a concept people.  An idea of 2 people coming together to take on life as a team.  Yes, it's a beautiful concept. Doubly yes, no one wants to die alone.  Triple yes, sometimes after many year of marriage, you double think that whole dying alone thing.

In Brazil, if you move in with each other, you are referred to as married.  The line of thought is that you live together and basically are, just sans the paper.  Personally, I think it's because it's a bitch to rent and get your own place in Brazil. You have to buy a washer, an oven, and a fridge for goodness sake.  That's commitment.

What I really don't get is that with all the socially acceptable changes happening around marriage, why the big old Red Haring tradition argument?  We have blended families, unmarried couples raising children, Single Mothers, Divorce, 3rd marriages, Jewish/Hindu wedding ceremonies, and so on and so forth.  You name it, we've done it.  The great thing about traditions is that they can always be adapted and new ones can be made.

So my question is, why the drama about gay marriage? Hell, 39% of you (44% under 30) think it's on the out anyway. It's the tube sock of tradition these days.  It never really goes out of style but it kind of does at the same time.

So what gives?  We don't like pairs?  I mean, after the woman/man had a baby person got married, we're basically saying it comes down to genitals. That's genitalism or something?

Personally, I have nothing against genitals nor gay marriage. I think we straight people have screwed the sacred union over enough. Let's just try to add in another group and see if they can help turn it around.  Maybe we can bedazzle over the stains left on the so-called pious tradition.

And don't even comment on my blog that gays can basically be married. Didn't we LONG ago cover that separate but equal is NOT equal?  Do you not remember history class?  Shame shit, different stink.

So what are you thoughts?  Is marriage on the outs?  Should we open our hypocritically restricted laws? Let's start a dialog