Monday, December 27, 2010

What? Where?

I feel guilty because I miss the dynamic of my Brazilian family.  I should be all butterflies and daisies because I'm here, but I'm not.

My family has always been one to bicker and pick at each other. Regardless, we enjoyed each others company... or that's how I perceived it at the time.

What has changed, I do not know. Maybe it's just my tolerance to negativity has decreased. Maybe I just no longer get why people have to control themselves or feel like family get-togethers are a thing that need tolerated.

I don't understand the lack of flexibility or adaptation. And I'm sure I have my label with them. I'm sure in some way or another, my family is seeing me as being a douche.  Maybe my new Christmas nickname is self-righteous Brazilian Wannabe.  God only knows.

But why is it that when we get home, we are automatically converted back to our old selves. My family always have and forever will see me as an obnoxious 13 yr old girl with braces.  And yes, I was the Queen of all Obnoxious 13 year olds, but I don't think that means I deserve to be treated as one for the rest of my life.

Maybe if one of the numerous offspring would ask how my life is, they would know that I have grown up slightly.  While I'd like to think the two offspring of my own would be a clue, we all know children do not automatically make the parents into adults, sadly enough.

I think we just need a really good surgeon that does not mind working under odd conditions.  We can sterilize the bathroom and get everyone lined up.  One by one he can pull all the sticks out of our asses.  Seriously! If we can't do it ourselves, we sure as hell should be able to call a professional to do it for us.

And you all? Have you ever had to call in this kind of surgeon to your family events?


  1. over the holidays...
    My brother recently moved out of the house...or as my Dad would like to believe that he was "kicked out" either way, my Dad didn't show up to my house for Christmas eve because my brother was going to be there. So sad really since he was the one missing out.
    But we were all really unphased by it and I'm glad. We really did have a great Christmas...not to brag in your face but I think that we all have family issues when holidays are concerned.

  2. Not rubbing my face in it at all. We had a great Christmas too. Just shit hit the fan this morning and it just really rubbed me the wrong way. I love my family and enjoy spending time with them, I Just wish they felt the same. Well, I know they do but I wish they acted like it.

  3. When the surgeon is done, send him this way....I have such a big stick that says "devil's daughter that stole my son".......

  4. Rachel,

    I totally relate to this post!
    Just so you know, it's the same the other way around. When I go back home to visit my Brazilian family in Sao Paulo.
    I was the black sheep of the family and that is a reputation hard to shake it off... :(

    Forte Abraco


  5. I didn't realize I was being so offensive. I didn't intend to hurt anyone. From what I'm hearing in a somewhat awkward home, I did...

  6. Yeah, be careful. I always have the screen on.

    My family doesn't even make the effort to get together to fight. If I didn't call my mother she would never call me (I even hooked her up with Skype, so cost is not an issue). My sister has sent me three emails in three years, and my brother has been AWOL for 20 years. If my mother didn't send me pics of his kids I would never know he has three, one is 10 already.

    I didn't think you were being offensive, just being your sassy blogging self. It's a writing voice not an insult vehicle.

    Hope they come around.

  7. Dude, my MIL and my mom had a fight, which almost turned into new fights between my mom and me and my mom and my husband. I don't know if the moms will ever come around. My mom and brother also had a fight, but bc they are so much alike, I think they're almost fine now, even though he was about to move out (again) and didnt show up at home for 3 days. X-Mas Spirit my ass... every year there's a different problem, and I guess this is one universal truth... family is family bc they have to be, not because of choice or afinity. One of our jobs in this earth is to come to terms with these people that we joined in the so-called family for some reason that is beyond our understanding...

  8. Aw, I saw the post after this before I saw this one. Sounds like it rifled up some more probs at home. Hope you guys are ok now... everyone gets upset when they fight w/ their family, and the holidays are extra stressful.

    I feel the same way when I come home. (Have you noticed how little I write about my family back home on my blog? Not super connected w/ them.) I think (and maybe this is the case for you too), that in my family's eyes, I'm the same age I was when I left for Brazil, maybe younger. So they question me and doubt me a lot. My grandma's favorite thing to say is "well THAT doesn't seem like something YOU would do..." as if I'm pretending to be someone else in Brazil as opposed to just growing up.

    Anyway. You'll be glad you went home once you're back in Brazil. I'm sure you're fine by now, in fact. But please don't stop the actual rants on Rachel's Rants! :)

  9. I think the family dynamic thing can be even tougher as an expat for two reasons:
    1) You change really fast and no one's around to see it so they assume you're the same as when you left.
    2) You go through so much to be there and look forward to it differently; you're very invested in having a good visit which puts pressure on every moment.

    As you can see I'm slowly catching up! Hope to read that it all ended well ;)