Friday, January 28, 2011

To Pee or Not to Pee: But Where?

So how many of you have peed into a diaper as an adult?  I'm not talking about Depends or the elderly.

I, all 30years, peed into my bed wetting preschooler's diaper.  Not my classiest moment.

The funny thing is that after 40 hours of travel, sleeping in the airport with 2 kids, and convincing United Brazil to transfer us to another company to fly on to Rio, the diaper is the best part. 

You see, I stood my ground and told my 4 year old that he had to try to pee again. We were about to get into the car for the 2 hour drive from my parent's place to Washington Dulles International Airport.  Everyone must use the bathroom. Since I just had like 20 minutes earlier, I didn't feel the need to go.

Of course, by the time we reached DC, the rain had gone from sleet to snow.  When the flakes started to really fly, my urine was screaming out like a 13 yr old boy who just got hit in the jewels by a baseball. 

We were 11 miles from the airport exit.  11miles!  Of course, at that point, we had slowed down to 10 miles an hour.  

That's when math came into play. I could do an hour. So when about 7.4 miles until exit came up and we had slowed to 6 miles per hour, I had some things to consider.  Snow, God, and my bladder were starting to play some evil games with me. 

I had to make a choice. I could either pee into a diaper or wait and see if I could make it to the airport. If I should wait too long to make my decision, I would have too much urine to be able to manage an absorbable stream into big boy pants. You see, Rhinos don't pee into diapers for a reason. Therefore, I could not become one. 

It was time to choose.  Thankfully, I'm not a shy girl, although this tested that.  As you all know, I chose to ease a couple of ml into some fancy shaped cotton.  Breathing exercises, meditation, and focus were very much required for this task. I dare you, try to pee into a diaper. It's not as easy as it sounds. My mind kept screaming "Pee in the Potty! PEE IN THE POTTY!"  It's like retraining an old dog.  

I have to say, this was one of the few moments in my life where I have had penis envy.

But I kicked my bladder's full ass and emptied at least half into the kiddie "panties" without leaking a drop.  I figured I could make it the rest of the way to fully relieve myself in a grown up bathroom.  

Moral of the story, Go pee before you leave the house or bring your penis.  


  1. haha awesome article...GO RACHEL! lol

  2. I always wondered if a nappy would hold a pee...I've been tempted on more than a few occasions! Instead I manage to go into water bottles somehow!!

  3. You just made me almost pee from laughing so hard...
    I travel to New York city often and get stuck in traffic for hours sometimes...I am not even talking about snow storms...just regular traffic jams...
    We have learned to save Gatorade bottles, they have a larger facilitates for pee emergencies on the road... :)


  4. Bahahaha! That is amazing!! You are a woman after my own heart - one with NO shame! Brilliant! xoxo,@ohyeah_her

  5. I've had to do that too; bad traffic in SP not a single gas station where I could/would leave my baby in the car for a minute even while I jumped out. Only problem is my little one was only 18 months or so and the diapers would hold even less. I had to use 2 and still had to pee when I finally arrived home.
    Tash, you gotta teach us how!

  6. damn go girl! I never had that situation come up, but if I do and have a kid's diaper-- I know what to do!

  7. Rachel, you are too funny and I LOVE your blog for just this kind of stuff. I'm glad you're so honest and just put things out there. You're wonderful!

  8. Too much. Next time be sure to have a P-Mate, or a T-Pee, or a Go Girl handy. (Google female urination devices) - and an empty Gatoraid bottle.


  9. You're so right, men have it so much easier. I can only imagine how much time it took! I can't even pee in the ocean , it's impossible. But once I was stuck in a car for several hours waiting in the freezing cold in the Colorado mountains and I managed to pee into an empty starbucks cup. I think I could manage a bottle, but a diaper, now that takes extra skill!

  10. OMG! LMFAO... I guess those kegel exercises really paid off (control control control). Your blog rocks!

  11. It's like pee gambling!

    You can play the pee gamble game, or its more hygienic cousin the petrol gamble game on any journey.

    You all drink before leaving and then try to hold on as many service stations as possible, the looser clearly being the one who has to stop first or the one to "release" first. If you ask to stop but do not go you still loose.

    The petrol version is wait until the petrol light comes on and then drive past as many petrol stations as possible.

    Fun for all the family.

    Note: do not play both on the same journey! There is nothing worse than running out of petrol when you're trying to get to the toilet at the next service stop.


  12. I love that people love a good semi public urination story! You guys rock! Tasha, I do not think I have the skills nor the guts to pee in a bottle. Maybe a gatoraide... good choice Ray, bigger opening. I do recall wishing I had a funnel of sorts to use with a bottle of water. Aw well, diapers work well and are easier to pack.