Tuesday, July 26, 2011

10 Ways to Tell Your Children are American

After receiving good feedback on my 10 Ways to Tell Your Children are Brazilian post, I decided to take a reader's recommendation and write one for Americans. Don't worry, I'll be nice. 

1. They know how to use the microwave by 3 years old.

2. They are fed, bathed, and ready for their bedtime routine by 6:30pm.

3. A PB&J is one meal you can always get in them.

4. They've been to Disneyland at least 2 times already and own all of the memorabilia.

5. Target is their happiest place on Earth.

6. They are taking Ritalin, Prozac, and Allegra.

7. They play Wii for exercise.

8. Your baby, toddler, and preschooler are all on a routine, as well as you.

9. Their DVD collection has past rivaling yours and now encompasses then entire entertainment center.

10. When you say their cousin is coming over to play you have to explain what a cousin is.  


  1. Yes! And for #10 - you have to insist they be nice and share.

  2. Omg, don't even get me started on the sharing part! I had to drop that to make sure I stayed nice ;)

  3. Haha, you're right on Rachel! But I won't divulge which ones apply to our family (too embarrassing)! ;-)


  4. You forgot about them drinking soda instead of milk right after they walk out of their momma's womb while in business suits on their way to work (at age 1 minute and 53 seconds old) because we're workaholics!

  5. Love the reflection. But um i have to disagree with the coment above... soda intake among young children is significantly more prevelant in Brazil or fruit juice with a cup of sugar. I will nod my head to the fact that coke is made with sugar here instead of corn syrup... but served at school, every family party of which we have established there are many and in a baby bottle? I come from the midwest...but our kids drink milk 3 times a day (without chocolate.

  6. Sarah Elizabeth: I have never seen that in my (previous) Brazilian life. Soda served at school ? And in a baby bottle ?

  7. SHOCKINGLY, four out of ten. I didn't expect so many. THey've both got the damndest little british accents and everything :)You knwo what they say, you can take the babe out of the states, but...

  8. I second Anita.
    I have never seen a baby in brazilian drinking soda in a baby bottle.
    Maybe it does happen but its definitely not the norm.

  9. #11 their whole menu consists of PB & J , Mac & Cheese , chicken nuggets and hot dogs.

  10. I haven't seen coke in a bottle but I have seen kids less than 1 yr being given drinks of it!

  11. Babe,

    Those British accents can't hide the beauty that is the USA ;)

  12. Of the "10 ways you can tell" posts I associated with 3 items from the Brazilian list featured previously and 6 from this American one. I have already concluded that this equals awesome.
    I did use a factor of equivalency so to put some items in context with my childhood years: Wii is Atari and Microwave, well, equals Microwave, plus being able to cook your own TV Dinner using a stove at an extremely young age.
    I would also point out that a love for Lojas Americanas and Target was a point of convergence: I liked them both yet see them as being basically the same thing.
    Also, Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwiches and Pão de Queijo are both acceptable but totally overated.
    If you want your Bramzilioncan kids to grow up in harmony with their influences then feed them RootQeG (Root Beer with Queijo e Goiabada), THAT is the breakfast of champions.
    Btw it is also a Gritty Poet Special. I came up with it on my own, suffered persecution from purists on both sides of the aisle and had parents who were suspicious when it was evoked as a separate, ethnic dish not bound by the "Sodas only on Sundays" rule my people were oppressed by for so long. So if used or advertised I expect credit where credit is due.
    Btw, to all you moms out there, when serving RootQeg substitute Qeg for Keg after age 21.

  13. Ha, I love this list. It's great.

    I would add:

    #11- Your kids expect you to go by Mc Donald's drive-thru on the way home from school..., or Burger King, or Wendy's. Dunkin Donuts if you live in New England and Sonic if you live in the Midwest... :)

  14. ...and In_N_Out Burger if your from California. #8 is sooooooo accurate.

  15. i think routine is great for kids and adults . At the same time its good to be flexible if something special comes up so u can break your routine sometimes!

  16. The cousin point hit home for me. I just sent my girls off for two weeks in the Alps with their grandma and cousins. They are all growing up together. I don't even know my cousins.

  17. Hi Rachel! Haven't stopped by in a while. Love this and the Brazil top 10. Made me laugh :) It's almost like the difference between summer and school year here!!

    keep on blogging!

  18. YES TO BEDTIME! it's insane here! my neighbor's children, and the children next to the neighbors, and so on are are still screaming/giggling/breaking things/crying well past midnight! is there no such thing as "mommy and daddy need grownup time?" 8:00pm max ;) ps also love #10!

  19. Every time someone here in Rio gives me shit I say the same thing. I have at least 2 or more hours of free time EVERY NIGHT with Mr. Rant. I will wake up at 7am (normally sometimes 630) every day for that. It's worth it.

    When I got pregnant my Mother told me that. She said that the key to a family is the relationship with my husband and to not forget that. Without our relationship (the two adults), there would not be a family. We have our time almost nightly and I look forward to it every day.

  20. if the kids go to sleep early means they will also wake up early and wont spend a lot of time w daddy :-(
    SO a little later is not that bad since they will wake up later...but its good to have adults time too....difficult! so I guess i would say not too early not too late...maybe 9-930pm?

  21. What are you talking about? If they wake up early they see Daddy before work