I got in a text message argument with a friend today. She hurt my feelings. It started out as all stupid girl arguments do, Facebook. She mass tagged a bunch of girls (half of whom I know and one who is a very good friend of both of us) and did not tag me. She was inviting them all to her place for drinks and then suggested they go out to a concert.
Here comes the messages. I thanked her for the invite. She replied that it was Brazilian music so she didn't think I'd like it. Then added that she called me and I didn't answer (once at like 2 in the afternoon). Finally after I replied with the ever mature "whatever" she stated that she knew I was sick anyway.
I am continuing the maturity by venting about it on my blog. Seriously though, it did hurt my feelings. For starters, if it were only about me being sick that would have been her first answer AND I would have been tagged in the post. I was purely not invited.
The other thing is that she is supposed to be one of my best friends in Rio de Janeiro. I answer her calls when she needs someone to lament to. I reassure her when she feels like we aren't as close as we were. I tell her that "No, my Mommy friends are not replacing her."
You know what, maybe they will because obviously I am not Brazilian nor free enough to go get wasted at your place and stay out until dawn. Yes, I have kids. Yes I am an exhausted Mother. Lastly I was too sick to go out. But we all know an invitation or calling back just for once is really nice. That goes double when I make so much effort to make sure she feels included or loved because she, in particular, needs shit like that. Hey, that's what friends are for, right?
Anyway, she was the last person I thought would make me feel like a rejected 15 yr old. I know I should be above it but I'm only human. I'm a tired and beat down Mother. We have a tendency to get sensitive sometimes. That's why it was doubly nice of her to call me an ass.
I suppose we all know where we stand now.
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This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…
Here comes the messages. I thanked her for the invite. She replied that it was Brazilian music so she didn't think I'd like it. Then added that she called me and I didn't answer (once at like 2 in the afternoon). Finally after I replied with the ever mature "whatever" she stated that she knew I was sick anyway.
I am continuing the maturity by venting about it on my blog. Seriously though, it did hurt my feelings. For starters, if it were only about me being sick that would have been her first answer AND I would have been tagged in the post. I was purely not invited.
The other thing is that she is supposed to be one of my best friends in Rio de Janeiro. I answer her calls when she needs someone to lament to. I reassure her when she feels like we aren't as close as we were. I tell her that "No, my Mommy friends are not replacing her."
You know what, maybe they will because obviously I am not Brazilian nor free enough to go get wasted at your place and stay out until dawn. Yes, I have kids. Yes I am an exhausted Mother. Lastly I was too sick to go out. But we all know an invitation or calling back just for once is really nice. That goes double when I make so much effort to make sure she feels included or loved because she, in particular, needs shit like that. Hey, that's what friends are for, right?
Anyway, she was the last person I thought would make me feel like a rejected 15 yr old. I know I should be above it but I'm only human. I'm a tired and beat down Mother. We have a tendency to get sensitive sometimes. That's why it was doubly nice of her to call me an ass.
I suppose we all know where we stand now.
_______________________________________
This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…
- Set a timer and write for 5 minutes only.
- Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
- Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
- Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post.
- Link up your post.
- Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.
That sucks :( As if you need these emotions coming out of the woodwork when you are already feeling like crap. Hopefully this will open up dialog between the 2 of you and you both become closer because of it. I bet she really had no idea it would hurt you and is feeling a little defensive because she did... not trying to justify but looking at the whole picture might help to dissolve the situation. I really hope you start feeling better and your friendship mends!!
ReplyDeleteSara
I'm with Sara, I wish the best for both of you.
ReplyDeleteI completely understand where you are coming from though Rachel and I have even been IN your shoes more times than I care to think about.
I'm just like you...I play psychologist when my friends need an ear to listen and a friend when they need a shoulder to cry on. I'm always there for them, day and night and all of the wonderful things friends do because it's who I am. But do you think my supposedly "best friend" ever calls me to go to lunch when she only works FIVE minutes away from my house? Nope. But she can do everything else with her co-works and friends from other places. And then she has the nerve to ask me why I never call her? Gee...let me think.
Either I'm too committed of a friend or just have high expectations because my friends never seem to treat me with the love and care that I treat them. Problem solved in a way for me. I just stopped calling all of them and started looking for new ones. Sadly, some of them I don't even think have noticed yet.
our friendships can sometimes become something really complicated ... It's so hard to discuss or feel rejected by friends, people can sometimes are insenciveis unintentionally or unconsciously ... I hope everything goes well and you two are resolved, if you are real friends, all will end well.
ReplyDeleteComo já dizia Elmer G. Letterman:
"Só existe uma coisa melhor do que fazer novos amigos: conservar os velhos."
Você vai ver esse desentendimento vai passar, e tudo vai dar certo entre vocês, você é uma mulher muito cheia de luz, eu sinto e tenho a impressão que Deus reserva coisas grandes para você.
=)
Ah, friendships. :-/ How frustrating. I've been in a circle of friends like that before. I always ended up being the last man standing. It does hurt, and while girls will be girls, I don't think it gives anyone an excuse to treat me badly, nor to use me only when they need me. I'm not really a friendship based on convenience kind of girl. Selfishness sucks, I'm sorry. I hope this coming week is better for you!
ReplyDeleteAww Rachel, it will be ok. You just have to decide if she is important enough for you to keep as a close freind. If she is, than this is just a little bump in the road, if not than at least you have a good reason.
ReplyDeleteRemember that all relationships have rough spots, just have to get through them!
And I hope you feel better soon!
Abracos,
Alex
Yeah, I know I'm being a big baby. I just haven't felt left out in a long time and she was a surprising source. I'm sure we'll shrug it off in no time, that is if she forgives me for the blog post. It seems I have a history of pissing people off with my blog posts ;)
ReplyDeleteBeing left out stinks. It's OK to be a big baby sometimes. It may even be essential for good mental health! A wise woman once told me to reach back to the people who were reaching out to me. It's a simple idea but not an easy action.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry - being left out sucks. It's okay to be sensitive about it - hopefully you guys can work it out.
ReplyDeleteCan I be corny for a second? Friends come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. That saying resonates so true with me. So many friendships I have had to let go of because they just weren't making me feel good about myself.
ReplyDeleteI agree with what Alex said.
I hope you feel better soon.
ReplyDeleteTo me that kind of friend seems like the one who takes advantage of one s generosity, the emotional, the spiritual etc and at the end is never there to return even understanding on the other's feelings. bye bye amigao...
ReplyDeleteYeah, I kinda had the same thing happen to me at a BBQ. Although I was invited, I wasn't welcomed. My friend (whose BBQ is was) was hovering over my husband and gushing over him. While throwing out some pretty odd looks and acting super jealous.
ReplyDeleteI have always been there for her and supported her through some rough stuff. I felt really left out and almost exiled because I was pregnant and for some reason that made her upset at me. And act out on it too! But it seems I am attracted to on sided friendships a lot. Or at least it seems that way.
Take a chill pill. Figure things out when the emotions are calm. I always make rash judgements. Me, I put my friend in a time out. I am stubborn she might stay there for a while.
I think though it sounds like you were excluded on purpose. So it would hurt a lot. Does she read your blog?
She reads it sometimes but people always end up reading something when it's about them. I debated but it was all I was thinking about during stream of consciousness so I went for it. If you can't be cranky and overly sensitive on your own blog where can you be?
ReplyDeleteright!
ReplyDeleteI've been away so I'm just catching up on your posts so I'm late to respond. But for sure, I bet she didn't mean to hurt your feelings and one wonderful thing is that you HAVE friends here, real friends, this is obviously a real friend and I'm sure she didn't mean it and she'd feel badly if she knew you were hurt. Friends love friends. We have to take care of each other! It's different when you have kids (2!) and no one can understand that unless they have kids too. But I'm sure this person adores you and wouldn't want you to feel badly. She probably just assumed you were sick and busy with your normal workload and it wasn't the right evening. Sometimes we tend to overthink things and feel too much...I am guilty of this 85% of the time! 15% of the year I perceive myself to be normal lol!
ReplyDelete