How We Know You Are A Tourist

1. You wear socks with sandals. Seriously, that is just wrong. You wouldn't do it at home, why do it when you are representing your country abroad? Shame on you.

2. Swimsuits should hug the bottom, not tent it. Your ass isn't getting fumigated, you are going swimming. Get something that cups your butt like it should.

3. You walk to a restaurant at 8pm with a can of beer you brought from somewhere else, and it is not Carnaval.

4. You travel in herds. It's like going on safari but the other way around.

5. You are tan when we are white or are white when we are tan. Think, for example, Norwegian in Brazil or vice versa.

6. You pull cash out in public and count it or carry everything in a wallet taped to your chest. This shows either an ignorant level of confidence or an extreme level of paranoia common to 1st world country dwellers.

7. You walk around with a bottle of water. Not only do you have that but you also have a freaking carrier.

8. Gear. You have a hat, sunscreen, glasses, camera, and a backpack full of other potentially useful gear. I'm walking to the store and you are out for survival. If that isn't an obvious difference, I don't know what is.

9. You are reading a book that talks about my city in a foreign language. Enough said.

10. You watch us like we are a live National Geographic Documentary. Foreigners always have a strange twinkle in their eyes as they view a new way of life. I like it. It almost gives me a Peter Pan like buzz. 

Serious Growth and I'm NOT Talking Mold

Living in Brazil has taught me so much about myself. We are talking serious growth here people.

Take my space issues for example. That has basically been beaten out of me, or at least it felt like that at the time. In Zona Sul, there is no space. And when it seems like you just may have founds some, you realize that there was a person on deck waiting to invade it. If you don't believe me, just try being pregnant down here. I had total random strangers rub my baby and lower down to talk to him. It was quite interesting and a bit of a boundary pusher for me at the time. I mean hell, go down a few more inches and you'd be talking to my vag. Yes, that is a little too close for comfort.

I have also started to become organized. This is directly related to the above space issue. While Mr. Rant and my Mother may call bullshit on this one, I do believe they have blocked the memories of my past ways out of their minds. Yes, it was that bad.

And not to be forgotten, I am damn good at pinning clothes. I like to consider myself a 1950s inner city wife. I do it well but keep it classy people, no clothes hanging out my window. Of course they are on my balcony but that's just between you and me.

Then there is food. My major source of nutrition in the states, if you could call it that, came in the form of a box and was heated in the microwave. I only have good genes to thank for not falling victim of the American Obesity trend. In my defense, I didn't really know how to cook and I drank a lot so crap food just tasted better. Of course I'm in Brazil now where, when I got here anyway, the only frozen ready-made food was basically Pão de Queijo or some stuff that I didn't even recognize. Not to mention the fact that there are so many fresh fruits and veggies that they basically fall out of the sky and right into your mouth. FYI, so odd to be saying this, don't swallow. Wash them first or they'll be going out even faster than they went in.

There's also the whole cooking from scratch thing. While I had seen my Mother do it, I just thought she was old school. Apparently it has quite a little following. My biggest shock was when I realized that I, Rachel's Rantings, is capable of making something from scratch that tastes a hell of a lot better than the stuff in a box (and keeps you much more regular thank you very much.)

All this stuff has me thinking that I was really immature when I came to Brazil for the first time at 23 years old. Oh wait, isn't the definition of 23 immature anyway? Sweet, there's my excuse!

Seriously though, how has where you are, physically or otherwise, changed who you are for the better? 

Surviving the Heat

The season of swamp ass and swenis has returned to Rio de Janeiro. I always joke about how people run around half naked and I know all you non-Rio de Janeiro residents fantasize about it. Sadly the day has come where I have to break down the ugly truth of it all.

It is necessary for survival. It gets really freaking hot and humid down here. I'm already hearing some of you who live in the Southern States of the US claiming that you know how it is. Yeah, I have to disagree with you. Just like charm, Brazil has one upped you in heat.

Seriously, my least favorite part is the sweat that drips down the back of your legs. It's a dampness like you are wetting yourself and it just doesn't stop. There really isn't much you can do about it either. While you can spend a fair amount of time in the ocean, under a shower, or in a pool drinking beer, you eventually have to go somewhere to eat or urinate.

Then there's the smell. I am especially thankful for Brazilian's extensive culinary use of garlic and onion during the summer. It just smells so yummy coming out of the pores of all the sweaty people smashed up against you on the subway. Yum, just makes me want to find the nearest Churrascaria.

Though I do have a secret for a successfully survived summer in Rio de Janeiro. Want to know?

1. Get to the beach early! That means parking at 8am, no later. Better yet if you can get there at 730am. First off it's already hot and sunny at that time but at a level that is still enjoyable. Secondly you still have options as to where you can sit on the beach. Come 10am it's slim pickings. After 1230pm it's like a freaking Carnaval Bloco (street party).

2. Ideally either go out to eat or have something prepared from earlier for lunch. It's a bitch to cook after being sapped of all your energy at the beach. Plus a hot stove top at noon sucks.

3. Siesta until 4am. In air conditioning if possible, at the very least good ceiling fans.

4. Beer. It just quenches that thirst you get while sitting in the shade on a hot day surrounded by sweaty bodies. It fits like glaze on a doughnut.

5. Showers and a change of clothes. We do it often down here. Trust me, it's the way to go at least 3 times a day my friend.

Now I'm going to go and hose myself off, turn on the fan and take a 30 minute cat nap. You?

Ask Rachel: Moving to Rio!

Q. Dear Rachel,

I recently found your blog on living in Rio from the ExPat blog and find it quite entertaining.  So many of the things you identify as Brazilian are things that I thought were peculiarities of my husband :)  God help me now that we are considering of moving to Brazil, I am going to lose my critical mass here in the States!

 My husband has a job offer and we are thinking seriously about moving to Rio in the next few months.  My husband is Brazilian and grew up in Recife. We have been living in the States for the past five years. That said, Rio would be new to both of us. I would love to hear any advice you have on moving to Rio and what areas are reasonable to live in. (I have read about your nightmares with realtors.) Do you live in the city or in the surrounding areas?   We have a 2 year old daughter, but I am not keen on moving to a suburb right off as I feel it might be harder to meet people and adjust. Any advice? My husband spent the weekend trying to get an idea of rentals, but it seems to be a tough market. 

Thanks in advance!    


A. I live in Rio de Janeiro, in Zona Sul. Renting in Zona Sul is difficult. As an expat and a Brazilian from another city, I suggest trying to live in Zona Sul initially. Will your husband's company help with rentals? With hiring your husband are they treating him as an expat hire? If so, they should be very helpful with rentals, schools, and general adaptation. 

If not, and even so, I suggest you look into the most popular neighborhoods like Ipanema and Leblon. If you are open to being a bit more native (and enjoying a slightly lower cost of living) I would also check out Flamengo and Laranjeiras. This also depends on where your huband's job will be located. For example, if his office is in downtown Rio de Janeiro (centro), my advice is right on. If he will be working in Barra, I suggest living in Barra. The commute to Barra and vice versa will take precious hours away from quality family life. You should realize that working in Brazil means that your husband will be working A LOT! There's no "it's 5pm and the work day is done" here. Most likely he'll also have to travel. You want to be somewhere you feel comfortable and have friends. 

It's also easier to find an apartment to rent when actually in Rio de Janeiro. If that means your hubs has to come before you and your daughter, so be it. If that is not an option you can always live in an aparthotel at the beginning. They are essentially extremely small apartments/hotels where you have all the conveniences of hotels with a sort of apartment life. They have them in every neighborhood. 

I also imagine you are nervous when it comes to adapting your daughter. While Rio de Janeiro is big city living, it is also very child friendly. You will find that you can take her everywhere. There are also nice and nice enough parks in every neighborhood. You should consider joining a country club. Some companies have connections and discounts for this.  They come in all ranges. For example, the Flamengo club in Leblon is reasonably piced and also very nice. The Club Paissandu in Leblon that is much nicer and less reasonably priced. There are many clubs to choose from and they can make daily life much easier for a expat Mom in Rio.

Food will also be an adaptation. Milk is different here. It tastes weird. It can sit on a shelf. It's just strange all around. Kids seem to get used to it anyway. Food is mainly homemade. If you love to cook and am a foodie, Rio de Janeiro is your heaven. You can buy plenty of cheap fresh veggies, fruits, fish, and proteins. Of course, if you are not it could be your hell.  Thankfully most restaurants deliver and you can hire a cook who comes to you place one day a week and cooks for the entire week. There's also the maid option. I have someone twice a week to clean and cook lunch. Many people choose to have someone full time. This depends on the family. 

All and all, I think that expats generally discover that living in Rio de Janeiro is amazing. The more open you are to it the more open it will be to you. You have an edge seeing that your husband is Brazilian. We should meet up sometime seeing that Mr. Rant's Mother is from Recife and Father is from João Pessoa. If you have the chance, you should visit the NE of Brazil (if you haven't already). It is truly amazing! 

Lastly, if you are set on a house, go live in Barra. You can find reasonably priced houses with a kind of yard there. They are in gated communities and are safer than houses in Zona Sul. You will have to be prepared for a lack of space. Cariocas are used to close quarters. Apartments and houses in Barra are generally larger. In Zona Sul you will have to fight and pay for a larger apartment. Houses are an entirely different story. If you are renting on your own in Zona Sul, principally Ipanema and Leblon, I recommend going to see apartments with all necessary papers in hand and possibly a blank check. It's quite competitive now and not uncommon for you to call back to an apartment the following day only to find out it has already been rented. My neighborhood (Laranjeiras/Flamengo) is more size/price friendly but renters lean heavily towards Brazilians over expats and companies. 

This is a lot of info I am vomiting out on you right now. Let me know if it brings up any other questions! 

Think about Rio, it is a great place! I choose it over the states daily. 

What would all of you add?

Living in Rio de Janeiro Forever?

I am usually asked about if we are staying or going. Are we going to be in Rio de Janeiro forever? Forever is a long time so it is a difficult one to answer.

Logistically, we will be here forever. Mr. Rant's job is here. We own a home. Our children have been born and raised here so far. And as much as I love Target, the idea of picking up the entire family to indulge my consumerist tendencies seems slightly selfish (even if I'll be mainly buying for them).

Then there's the other side of the story. Rio de Janeiro is an amazing place to raise small children! First off, they are widely accepted anywhere. Seriously, Cariocas love small children more than small dogs in Louis Vuitton bags. It's a special place like that.

Don't even get me into how life in Brazil is heaven for children. Even ignoring the natural beauties such as the beach and waterfalls, you also have the extravagant birthday parties and commonly late bedtimes. Kids are the dictators and people pretty much like it like that.

The only thing that worries me about living here is the general lack of stability, although the economy has been going strong for 10 years now. Brazilians my age have memories of inflation dramas, change of currency, minor epidemics, and general nervousness of parents surrounding government stability. As an American born in the fabulous year of 1980, I'm used to a government who averages a life of butterflies and rainbows. Of course that is not counting natural disasters, wars, and the current state of the economy.

None the less, I have realized in my young age that stability is in the mind of the beholder. Living within one's means makes all the difference in a world of flux. Just to clarify, I'm not saying that I do that. Of course I so immaturely blame Continental and their extremely high priced tickets from Rio de Janeiro to the US. That and my 8 suitcases full of crap that I just HAVE to bring back. Consumerism is a drug more addictive than crack and I am not even close to accepting that I have a problem, so don't even go there.

But back to the main topic, we live here. Taking away the little issues, like being thousands of miles from friends and family, we have a good life. We are happy. My children are well adjusted, bilingual, and love every aspect of the culture of their Motherland.

And when I live in a place that makes the 3 most important men in my life happier than anywhere else, how can I not want to live here forever? 

I'm Doing it Again! *sigh*

I'm doing it again. I'm allowing myself to befriend other foreigners. Not an issue, right? Well yes, it is an issue.

You see, 85% of the time these foreigners leave. They stay for 6 months, 1 year, maybe 3 and then they bail.

Initially it was great just to meet some people who spoke my language. Later, I was the one left behind.  So I decided to go Brazilian all the way! Brazilian friends and that is it!

Of course we foreigners are attracted to each other like white on rice and I managed to find some who actually live here. Finding other foreigners who didn't have a Brazilian expiration date was awesome to say the least. Of course, times are changing and the temporary expats are moving in like locus. Push came to shove and I ended up entering into an expat group. I blame the blog. The blog was the key to the world of Alice (expats) in Wonderland (moving to Brazil). I got emails, made contacts, and ended up in an expat Facebook group.

The thing is, I like these expats! The ones I have met are pretty damn awesome. Many of them move around all the freaking time. They are like nomads with a company credit card. I dig their worldly experience and open minds. I even dig the newbies, their questions, and their willingness to head out on a foreign adventure.

But they will leave. Their storm will soon form and take them away. I, however, will stay here and watch the sand settle. It sucks.

Of course, I've never been one to learn a lesson the first time around, just ask my Mother. I suppose I'd rather meet and miss cool people than not meet them at all.

So off I go back into the land of the traveling foreigner. Although I think I shall put a map up this time around. While the person may not be here, I could still have a little pin representing them and whatever city they originated in. That, my friends, would be quite interesting to see. 

Stripped in Rio de Janeiro

People want to settle in Rio de Janeiro. They come here with a plan to live a good life and work a fun job. That is entirely possible in this city. I actually have friends with a flexible enough work schedule that they get two half days a week and work until 11pm other days when they like to go out at midnight.

What people don't talk about is the living part. It is not easy to make a home here. While us foreigners mock cultures where people live with their parents until they are 30, we have no idea how it is. That truth came to me the very first tiny apartment Mr. Rant and I looked at. We were looking to buy.

The tiny part wasn't shocking. I was prepared for that. I wasn't prepared for a place that was totally stripped. When I stay stripped I mean not even a place to screw in a light bulb.

You see, stuff is expensive here. People take cabinets, light fixtures, and even outlet covers. Don't even hope to find a place with a oven!

Of course things are changing now. Life is getting a bit easier. People actually now rent with some appliances. By the way, some appliances (aka. a Fridge and oven) classify as a furnished apartment to some rental agencies.

So when you come as a foreigner and feel totally ripped off with your place in Ipanema realize that you were only somewhat ripped off. It is not even worth bothering to try to "save" some of that money unless you are here long enough to use that fridge you bought and make some friends who are willing to buy it when you leave.

All that being said, I've been here for over 5 years now and have amassed enough crap to over-fill my place. Rio de Janeiro seems to come down to grit, staying power, and determination. If you have any of those you are golden!

Rio de Janeiro has a Zoo!

"Mommy is the lion dead?!" They seriously asked!

Yes, it is true! We have a zoo here in Rio and I went to it today with the kiddos. I had been putting it off due to the discrepancies in reviews. On one hand people say it's a depressing place because the animals are not adequately taken care of. On the other hand people say that it's a great place to take the kids.

It was time for me to go see for myself. My review you ask? It's both! The entrance is very cute and you immediately walk into a lovely walkway lined with monkeys and birds. I'll tell you this, the place does not lack in monkeys or birds! Hell, you could say the same thing about turtles, snakes, and crocodiles.

But it is also depressing. While there are cute trees and well kept benches all over the place, the larger animals have a pathetic box of a habitat. It's just cruel. Personally, I'd be suicidal if I were one of them. Not to mention that they currently have a lot of empty habitats. Why they don't just knock down a wall and give a tiger some room, I have no clue. My kids were quite disappointed with all the empty "animal spots".

However, all and all I do think it's worth a visit. For starters, it's practically free to get in. R$6 for an adult and R$3 for a child over 3 or 4 or something like that. That is during the week though. The prices do go up a bit on weekends. They really should take note from the San Diego zoo and hike up the prices! That and get sponsors, there's a reason why it's world famous (the money to make it that way).

Anyway, the zoo is relatively close to zona sul, a great place to walk around with the kids, and close to an awesome park. I say check it out, unless you are from San Diego. If that is the case, stay away.

Here's the Rio Zoo site where you can find more information: http://www0.rio.rj.gov.br/riozoo/

News Wrap up: Brazil and Rio de Janeiro

Photo by: http://www.debbieleavitt.com/

Brazil's New Plan to Beat Poverty: The Telegram

Rio de Janeiro Aims to Become World's Capital for Gay Tourism: Guardian

Brazil Fights with the Real and US dollar: Bloomberg

Gol to buy Webjet: Businessweek

Brazil's Captain Wants more Commitment from his teammates at Copa America: USA Today

Brazil, One of the Best Countries to Retire Abroad?: http://blogs.smartmoney.com

Sarah Waldron targets Rio de Janeiro's 2016 Marathon: BBC

60,000 Murders in Rio de Janeiro

New Years in Rio: Yes those are people

Rio de Janeiro has 60,000 unsolved murders from the past 10 years. This for North Americans and Europeans is SHOCKING! That's why I wasn't surprised by this article saying that we need some CSI down here. Fair enough.

What did annoy me was this little comment:

"Why is this a big deal? Other than the fact it’s more than slightly disturbing that tens of thousands are being killed by the drug cartels that control the impoverished city, Rio is set to host the World Cup in 2014 and the Olympics in 2016...They’re going to need an army to handle millions of unsuspecting drunk tourists there to enjoy the events"

My initial reaction was that the writer had never heard of Carnival before. But, thankfully, he did mention that we successfully hold the massive party each year. Of course he had to mention:

"However this year 129 people were killed in over 2,000 car accidents in the first three days of the weeklong party. And that’s an event that happens every year. Now imagine the insanity of having the World Cup in Brazil"

Now as someone who actually lives here, let me explain a few little things. First off, Brazil has the highest rate of car accident deaths in the Americas. Car accidents claim over 35,000 lives a year in this country. Many roads suck and the drivers on them suck more. Not to mention that most cars are not kept up to the care that they should be and people don't wear seat belts. Don't like this fact, don't drive or take a cab. We do have an excellent metro system for the gringo safe areas. 

As for the safety, unless Athletes decide to change careers and start smuggling drugs and/or living near the dealers, they will be fine. If tourists do not attempt to screw with the government or make enemies with the police, they will be fine.  And if someone decides to go try to score some coke or party where they think "locals" party, it's at your own risk. 

Rio de Janeiro as a city is quite separated by socio-economic class. Even the neighborhoods within zones are divided. It is highly unlikely that something will happen to the tourists or athletes. While disorganized, there is nothing Cariocas like more than a good sporting event or a party. 

Just go to New Years on Copacabana beach with the other 3 million people and see how peaceful it is. Well, not peaceful but not violent. My first and lasting impression of New Years in Copacabana was that if it were in the US there'd be drunken fights, police beatings, and someone would have gotten shot. Here people know how to be in close quarters with a gazillion other people without getting offended that someone accidently gave them a flat-tire. I'm actually concerned with the unwanted fights drunken Gringos will cause. 

Besides all this, the politics behind murder in Rio de Janeiro is something no foreigner can truly understand without a long period of time living here. This is such a uniquely crazy ass place that you can't even begin to get it. That being said, I do not walk the streets thinking I'm going to get murdered. It just doesn't go down like that, at least not in my neighborhood. 

And FYI, it may be the cops/government/corruption and not the drug cartels controlling the city and killing the people. For many down here, the jury is still out on that one. 

Jeans Hell and a Camel Toe

While shopping for jeans/pants the other day I remembered my first high school boyfriend. Also Brazilian, he had an interesting style. Poor guy, the worst was a pair of whitish and stone washed jeans. 

Fast forward 12 yrs later and I am wearing a similar pair only hammer style. There is a simple explanation to my spontaneously random change in jeans style, there were no normal jeans! 

I went to so many stores on Wednesday that I was in Rachel shopping hell. I actually had a salesgirl pull out a pair of skinny jeans with zippers up the side of the leg. I know this is may be cool and new for some but I remember wearing them when I was 10 yrs old.  

The whole process just made me feel old! Sure, the stuff fit me, but I couldn't buy half of it. For starters, I'm now required to bend over in day to day life. While some may enjoy seeing me lose money all over the place (aka. show crack), I'm thinking it's not a classy thing to do at the park with your kids. 

And don't even get me started on the Brazilian camel toe! I guarantee that half the pants down here are made for that effect. Personally, I can't understand why the Brazilian girlie bits aren't running off in protest. Then again, maybe they prefer to live in two territories with a dividing wall much like East and West Germany. 

Basically, I had a lot of ass and vag suffocating pants to sift through before I could get to something that was comfortable, sexy, and made my butt look good. I think this time around I went a little far to the left on the anti-suffocation part. I mean, I could give birth in these jeans and continue on my way. 

I think Hammer jeans should be considered the new form of baby-wearing: Proven to be even more comforting than the heartbeat, carrying near the vag gives the infant the feeling that they never left the womb at all. 

Anyway, I had to settle for 2 out of three in the Brazilian jeans world. You can't win them all. Surprisingly though, I like these jeans more and more every time I wear them. Maybe I should stop bitching about random Brazilian jean styles and instead let them open my mind a bit. I can't always hop a plane back home to my lovely Sevens. 

Banana anyone?

Fruit was one of my biggest adjustments moving to Rio de Janeiro. Yes, fruit!

You see, I was following the extremely balanced American university diet of microwavable food, alcohol, and water. Even living with a foodie roommate, I was as picky of an eater as an obnoxious toddler. 

Try explaining this to your newly adopted Mother-in-Law when you don't speak the same language and are living in the same house. I was in healthy homemade food hell, that is until I started eating it. Who knew not perfectly shaped tomatoes could taste so good?! And those little weird looking bananas, not nearly as pretty as ours, packed a taste that would put American ones to shame. 

My eyes were opened and they were curious. It amazed me how easily and naturally fruit snuck into the everyday diet of Brazilians. Any given day you'd stop and have one or two fresh fruit juices, pineapple is served as a desert, and you can find fruit easier than a public bathroom. It's everywhere in Rio and it's cheap! 

Now I'm one of those women that takes samples from all the vendors at the farmer's market. A little piece of papaya, a triangle of watermelon, and maybe a square of mango. Why not? 

My diet as a whole has changed, as well as what I consider to be healthy eating. While I'm far from the strict foodie, but I am now more educated on the subject.  Not only that, my tastes have become more open and I find myself craving healthier and more interesting foods. 

And while I seem to have decent genes that literally saved my ass from the whole American obesity issue, there's still general health, heart attacks, and blackheads. It's not wonder some of the most beautiful people in the world are down here. They have the fuel to feed it! 

Has a place ever changed your diet? 

How Safe is Rio de Janeiro?

Photo by: Discovery channel

The first thing everyone asks me is: Is Rio de Janeiro really that dangerous?

This is a tricky question. Personally, I have rarely felt threatened in this city and all of those times have been in the last couple of years. Either the city is changing or having children has thinned my thick skin.

Normally you will find two opinions: 1. the foreigner saying that the city is super safe. Ironically, they say the city when it's unlikely they have ventured outside of the Zona Sul (south zone) more than going to Barra in the Zona Oeste (west zone). 2. The Brazilian who grew up here and knows the real story. Of course they are normally overly cautious when it comes to foreigners as they see them as a target.

The thing is, Rio de Janeiro's danger is spontaneous and generally unpredictable. It is quite possible to find yourself in the wrong place at the wrong time even if you were being careful. Of course there are areas where you should generally be more aware, for example Lapa, centro, and Botafogo and Copacabana on the emptier streets at night.  Also be warned that there's more snatching of bags in Leblon/Ipanema as that is the tourist zone, but it is not all that prevalent.

What I tell my friends who come to visit is that you don't get to be stupid but you don't have to be scared. You are visiting a city with a diverse economic background. Do not flaunt.

Finally, here are my personal rules:

1. Do not walk in dark empty streets, take a cab. Hell people, I even follow this rule in the states (unless in Coronado)
2. No diamonds on the street (not that I have any)
3. Know where I'm going. This one is easy now that I know Rio but when I didn't I'd do a little research so I didn't get too lost.
4. No prolonged digging around in my purse
5. No talking in English on my cell in centro loudly or for long periods of time
6. Do not leave anything I would not want stolen unattended in public places
7. Enjoy yourself
8. Use cabs with the name on the side. Those cabs work for posts and you are less likely to be taken advantage of.
9. When it's late, do not hesitate to take a cab instead of mass transit. This isn't always necessary, for example if you are going from Ipanema to Leblon. Sometimes though, it is best, like when you are going to Lapa late and the bus would drop you far from your destination.

It comes down to this, the actual real dangerous moments are in places where you will never go as a foreigner. It's just a fact. The other dangers are random and more or less avoidable by paying attention to your surroundings. No, that does not mean in a paranoid way. Just know where you are and what is going on around you.

And if you should find yourself in a bad situation, stay calm. Hand over your things slowly and do not panic.

What tips do you guys have? What is your feeling on Rio de Janeiro safety?

Living in Brazil Means No 4th of July!

Enjoying the Coronado parade during our visit 2 years ago

I am missing 4th of July this year. For some reason I am feeling the desire to be with my fellow Americans sitting in lawn chairs, drinking mildly cold beer, eating bbq, and watching fireworks. 

It comes as a bit of a shock because I've had years when I totally forgot that it was the 4th. It's not that I don't like the holiday. I just don't live in the US and I accept that. When you don't live there, you don't really get to celebrate all the same holidays. Of course, I do get to dress up in costumes, drink in the street, and dance the samba. 

This year though, I find myself thinking about San Diego, CA, more specifically Coronado,CA. That is where the 4th of July comes to life. 

And as I read status updates from Nado people on Facebook, I feel an inner 'if only' sigh. You see, everyone from Coronado returns for the 4th. It is one big reunion and it rocks! The 3rd of July is party night. People roam the island on their beach cruisers, going from one bar to another meeting everyone on their way. 

On the 4th, way too early, people line up on the median for the parade. It's a lame one, per any small town 4th of July parade, but we are all there anyway. I think it's the joining of community that brings everyone there so early after such a long night. Of course the bloody marys help. Oh yes, all those people you see with the plastic cups have stopped by Danny's on Orange. Best freaking bloody mary in the world and it will burn the hangover right out from under you. I do believe they start serving at 6am on the 4th, though I could be wrong. 

Anyway, the town buzzes with an excitement as high as a child's. Get-togethers are happening everywhere and new guests are always welcome to pop by. 

This year I wish I could be there. My boys are at a great age to take part in all the festivities. 

But if I had to pick one thing to take them to, it'd be the fireworks in the gulf course. I know Rio de Janeiro's New Years fireworks are amazing and kicks Nado's ass. No one is doubting that. 

It's just that there's something to sitting together on a blanket with your parents on the golf course grass. The air would be cool in the evening and I would have brought along blankets. Mr. Rant and I would have had a beer while the kids had some juice and snacks. Our friends and family would have been sitting next to us on their own blankets. 

And then the show would start. The kids would giggle and follow along with the chants of ooohhhhs and ahhhhhs. The radio playing patriotic songs going along with the beat of the fireworks. It's enough to make any expat feel down right proud to be an American. 

It just makes me kind of sad that my boys are going to look at the 4th as some celebration they sometimes go to when they are visiting my side of the family. Or, at the very least, just another day. 

While it's a rare happening, I sometimes get these pangs of sadness over not being able to share my traditions with the boys to their true extent. Then again, the 4th of July I remember included a HUGE bag of illegal fireworks like black cats and those tanks that shot sparkly stuff out and then sometimes caught on fire. I think those good old days are lost to everyone! 

The Rich Ban Babies!

So some people have their panties in a bunch because some Malaysia Airlines flights will not be allowing babies in first class. Can you blame them?

Babies are little poop, pee, smell, and tear inducing creatures. I can tell you this because I have two. And as a Mother, I do not find this offensive at all. My kids are great travelers but that doesn't mean I get excited about being trapped in a airplane with them for 12 hours. Why would anyone else?

On top of that, people expect to get what they pay for. Each and every time I get my meal in coach on an international flight, I have to fight the urge throw it into someone's face. My $1200 ticket bought me this crap?! Now think of the person who spent $4000 plus and has Mom shhh-ing her baby as they scream the entire flight.

This whole thing actually reminds me of a story a friend once told me of what she saw in first class one day. A woman was sitting in first class and her Nanny, baby, and dog were sitting in coach. The flight attendant informed her that she could not have both the baby and the dog sitting with the nanny. The woman was going to have to choose one to keep up front with her.

Most would think the Mother would choose her child. As a Mother, I totally guessed the Dog (not that I would make the choice but if the woman has her Nanny and kid already in coach...)

What did she choose? The dog! She left the kid in coach and brought the dog up with her! I just hope she put the money she saved on that flight right into a savings account for her kid's future therapy bills.

The thing is, I think airlines are going about this the wrong way. Instead of just focusing on separating the two groups of babies on the plane (VIPs and babies), they need to make planes more child friendly. For example, get bigger pillows that are just for children. That way they can get more comfortable and settle in better. Show cartoons as people are boarding. Have non-itchy blankets. Provide a mini-pack of crayons and a airline themed coloring book. Have two choices of snacks and meals for children. I know it's a bitch but if you win over the kids you get the entire family for life, whether you want them or not.

Let's figure this out people. Children aren't going anywhere. As long as sex is still fun, there will be babies.

Does this piss you off or does it make sense?

US Gov Orders $80mil Payment to Brazilians

It's a typical Cinderella story. Brazilians get an under-the-table job at a pizza place. The American boss totally abuses their hourly rights as they are immigrants. Federal investigators start investigating said pizza place and orders them to pay back overtime payments.

I think this is one of the beautiful parts of our government, doesn't matter if you were illegally working or not, the law is the law. You work more than 40 hours a week, you get your time and a half. And that is how it should be!

Now this little pizzaria, which has probably shut down at this point and declared bankruptcy, will have to pay $341 million in back pay to all it's staff. That's a lot of slices and medium size sodas.

More amazingly, an old policy from the 90s has been renewed. No complaint given to the Department of Labor can be passed to the Department of Immigration. It seems that they are now doing their job, making sure everyone working in the US is being treating well.

As for those who think "they were illegal blah blah blah bitch bitch bitch", get over it. There are tons of thousands of cazillions of illegals in the US. They work. They are living their life. Hell, They are doing the jobs that we won't do. So if it bothers you so much, let them become legal. Do what just about every country does and have a mass legalization of immigrants. Legalize them and make them pay taxes.

And if that is not something that you would consider, try the Dutch method. They offer 2,000 euros to immigrants who leave of their own free will.

Traveling Abroad with Minors: Brazilian Requirements

Traveling abroad with a Brazilian minor, without one of the parents, used to be a total bitch, pardon my French. You had to go get an official paper with your a notarized signature from your house notarized. That paper lasted 30 days or 90 days or something like that. Pain in my butt.

I have done it many times. You always had to check with the Federal Police first to make sure some little detail hadn't changed. It was a real pain if you got to the airport and they didn't like your note. Trust me on that one.

Well guess what people! Brazil has actually changed some laws that make life easier for us!! Now we don't need to deal with any of the notarizing crap. All you need is a note signed by the other spouse and a copy of their ID. The signature on their ID will be compared with the note and badda Boom, you're out of the country!

Just imagine how hard it was for couples who are separated and live in different cities. Talk about a nightmare.

So Yay to bureaucracy for doing something right! FYI, double check on the Federal Police website before any trip anyway. They are sneaky little ninjas over there!

**Correction** The signature needs to be made official at the catorio but the person doesn't need to be present. 

Give Brazilians US Visas

It's not a secret that Brazilians become shopaholics the moment they set foot in the US. They get there and put our status as consumers to shame!

There is a very logical reason as to why. Stuff in Brazil is expensive. The stuff in Brazil that is from the US is doubly expensive. We're talking a lot of Reasis here people.

So when Brazilians go to the US they do not let that shopping opportunity slip though their finger tips. On the contrary, they take full advantage and come home with truck plane loads. Time Magazine even published an article talking exactly about that.

The article in a whole discusses how much actual cash Brazilians drop abroad and how much money the US is losing by being a bit overly scrutinous (the understatement of the year.)

I already broke it down the the US in a blog post entitled: Brazilians: A part of Obama's Stimulus package? Honestly, It just makes sense. Brazilians love to travel and love to buy electronics, not to mention Gap clothes, purses, Puma, shoes, and skin care items. Let's not even go into luggage and baby gear.

The thing is, Brazilians are doing well down here. Hell, if they aren't, they can't afford the airfare to go up there anyway. I know I can't! And if someone does manage to scrape together the money, give them a freaking shot at living there illegally. Hey, they can have Mr. Rant's spot.

My point is, I don't think everyone in the world is crying themselves to sleep because they don't live in the US. I do think that some 15 year old Brazilians who can't go to Disney World for vacation are. It must be hard for a family in Minas Gerais to pay for the tickets, hotel, and food for the whole family to go to São Paulo or Rio de Janeiro just to get their Visas. This with the chance of them getting denied plus the cost of the trip abroad makes going to the US more of a pipe dream as opposed to an actual plan.

Hell, the US won't even let people change planes there unless they have a Visa! That is just madness! Have you ever tried to escape customs? I'm afraid of them and I am American. I really doubt people who have a continuing flight to Canada are going to bust out a window in the International terminal and make a run for it.

I think it's time for the US to give other countries the respect they deserve. Start out slow and let Brazil and Chile into the club. If they mingle well with the other "Visa-free Cool Countries," let in Argentina. Go from there. Let's expand our commercial dating circle.

United States of America, if you do this, you will find that Brazilian Tourists rock. They are outgoing, they are excited, and they will take over Best Buy!

A Brazilian Wedding Weekend!

I went to a beautiful wedding this weekend in Teresopolis. The couple was so excited and in love. They were both sniffing and crying their way through the entire ceremony. It was beautiful.

And even more exciting was the reception that followed. You know when you are driving up to a party and you get a look at the venue and think 'HOLY SHIT! This is going to be a good party!" ? Yeah, I did that and then peed a little, that's how freaking amazing the place looked.

We left our car with the valet and walked in on a carpet of leaves. The entire place was draped with Christmas light (or fairy lights as they call them here), candles, greenery, and all around good taste. Whoever planned this wedding definitely had style (and money).

Our table

Mr. Rant and I managed to get the last table for our group of friends and we spent the first couple of hours drinking, eating, talking and toasting the couple. That's the thing about Brazilians, they really do come to weddings ready to celebrate! They are as happy as a bunch of old women on Valium. They bust out the real meaning of 'to eat, drink, and be merry.'

And that is exactly what we did. Between the 5 couples, we drank whiskey, Caipirvodkas, champagne, Caipirsakes, red wine, and water.

Mr. Rant and I sauntered out of the party at 4am. The Bride and Groom where still going strong and 2 couples out of our original party of 5 stayed behind. I have to say, I was proud that Mr. Rant and I stayed that long! We are a bit out of practice, especially in comparison to our friends. It's nice to know we can still hang with the big boys.

The Groom 

And so I ask you, what would you have drank at this wedding? (Don't even get me started on the food! YUM!)

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I'm in Love... With my Kindle

Photo by: http://singularityhub.com/

I'm in love and it's with my kindle. You know when you look at someone, like a child for instance, and smile because they just make you so happy. I do that with my kindle.

Take yesterday for instance. I was looking on Amazon for phonic books for my preschooler and I stumbled upon one for the kindle. Oh kindle, you sassy little piece of technology. Children's books! Who knew?!

In around 3 key strokes I was the proud owner of a new book in, gasp, English! You do not know how big of a deal this is. For years I've read any hand-me-down books given to me. I would scan street vendors and buy anything, literally anything, they had in English. I even got so low as to read one romance novel.

I often fantasied about reading that new book that was the current talk of the town. Would I go crazy if I could get any book I wanted at a snap of a finger? Once I started with these fantasies I realized that I was officially a desperate book whore.

Thankfully my parents came to my rescue this past Christmas. My Mother insisted that I get one and, as it turns out, she had already purchased my Kindle as my present from them. I was a bit torn. Riding that wannabe book snob wave of 'I'll miss turning pages,' I didn't know if I'd love it.

Well, I'll tell you this now, I was insane. My Kindle is now my 3rd and favorite child. The screen looks like a freaking book page, it automatically saves the page you left off on, and I can buy books impulse shopping style in 2 seconds. It's an expat's best friend! It and Mexican seasoning packets that we bring back with us after visiting home.

And you can take it everywhere! Ok, not everywhere. I do live in Rio de Janeiro and I like to be careful with new technology. Yes, the Kindle is mysterious here, a large part of the population not even quite knowing what it is. Most times you'll just be bombarded with questions but sometimes it's a little more than that. Case in point, Danielle's experience on the beach.

But my little Kindle lover is so light and small that I just carry a bigger bag and no one is the wiser. You and me Kindle, we're going to take over the world!