An Unfortunate Meeting with Street Children

Sorry guys, no cutesy Easter post here. Today there was some action in Rio de Janeiro and it involved a little ranter you all know and love.

So it all started when I was heading home from Copacabana. The cab driver had stopped at a light when some crazy street kid started beating on the taxi windows and trying to open the door.

Of course the cab driver had locked the door once I was inside so no harm and no foul. I watched them walk back towards the sidewalk once the cars had started moving. That's when noticed three foreigners quickly walking by. Obviously they were going to be the next target of this group of rowdy street children.

I watched intently as we passed, not knowing what I would do if the kids tried something. That's when I realized that one of these "foreigners" is a close friend of mine! At this exact moment group of street children had somewhat taken them over.

I yelled to the driver to stop the car. I screamed "STOP THE CAR STOP THE CAR STOP THE CAR!"

Once we stopped I threw open the door and yelled my friend's name. She was standing in the middle of the first of 3 lanes of traffic trying to get a cab and get away. There were two kids sticking their hands into pockets and basically all over her trying to get anything they could. It was not a good situation.

Luckily my friend's friends heard me calling her name and got her attention. She turned and I yelled, in English, for them to get their ass in my cab.

Sounds like an easy save, right? Wrong. One of the older kids ran to the cab as well. She attempted to throw herself in after my friend. She looked straight at me and I could tell she was not all there. I don't know what this girl was on but it was something that caused crazy, or the accentuation of it. There was yelling and pushing and she finally vacated the vehicle.

Of course she did not go quietly and started slamming the door on the last entering gringa as she threw herself in.

Freaking bitch as kid, pardon my language, was forcefully slammed the door on the woman's leg and said Desculpa (sorry). It happened twice before we managed to get her in without getting a part of her slammed.  The doors were locked and we were off.

Crisis adverted.

As it turns out, this group had been following my friend and her group for a bit. They had passed the street children as they were sniffing glue on the street.

I guess we found the source of the crazy.

My friend had been looking for a way out as the street children had gotten quite aggressive and she had never experienced anything like it before.  I can tell you that I haven't either!

But everyone was ok and we had a laugh at how ironic it was that I happened to be passing by her in a cab at that exact moment. What were the odds that two people who live in two different neighborhoods of Zona Sul would bump into each other in a 3rd neighborhood in a situation like this? Random!

What upset me the most was that I was the only one that did stop. What the hell Rio de Janeiro! What gives!

Rio de Janeiro's Traveling Pit Crews

I obviously love many things about Rio de Janeiro. Love it! But there's one thing that has always struck me as really freaking cool about this city. 

No, it's not the beer, the hot bodies, the sun, the amazing meat, fresh juices, or the fresh scent of urine.  Although those are all quite lovely.  

Nope, it's something so simple. 

You know when a crappy car breaks down in the street.  There it is, stopped and people honking.  Well in Rio de Janeiro, pedestrians come running to help. I'm not exaggerating, any able-bodied man will bust out a little hustle and help the driver push his car. It's almost as if each car has it's own pit crew following it around the city just in case.  

How freaking awesome is that! No one likes a car sitting in the middle of the road, nor do they like to be stuck in one.  It's community problem solving at their best. Quite often the people just help move the car out of the way, but I have also seen people push a car as far as a city block to a gas station.  

If that's not awesome, I really don't know what is.  

And I just saw it happening, yet again. I was waiting for my ever dawdling senior doorman to come open the gate when a taxi just didn't move with traffic. It took one honk from the car behind it to get people to run over. A moto-delivery guy, a Botafoguense, and a doorman were the first ones on the scene. 

That's when my ever efficient doorman finally decided to work and buzzed open the garage gate.  He was chatting in the parking area behind the building. Glad to see my need to bring my groceries inside my apartment didn't interrupt his conversation. 

Anyway, that's just a picture of Cariocas. They are really helpful people. They stop to push your car, help women with strollers get up and down stairs, and give us ladies an ego boost with hisses. Ok, maybe that last one isn't any help but I'm sure they feel they are doing something good. 

What good deed do people of your city do regularly? 

Machismo at it's Best

Brazilian men are known to be a bit masculine when it comes to some things. Today I was shown proof from my very own window.

I heard yelling out on the street and being the nosy girl I am, I decided to check it out.  I was not alone because the chaos had caught the attention of quite a few people.

There they were, a cab driver and a bus driver, screaming at each other. No, not from their vehicles. We are in Brazil!  They had stopped their bus and cab in the middle of the street and were having a little chat. The bus driver was reserved enough to stay in his bus while the cab driver preferred to dance around like a drunk and angry monkey.

From what I could tell, the bus driver had done something to piss the cab driver off.  Personally, I would have just let the bus go because 1. it's bigger than the cab and 2. bus drivers in Rio de Janeiro are bad asses! Driving the way they do in a city like this, and seeing what they see, puts them up there in the don't piss off category.  But that's just me.

They fought in a cycle. The cab driver would go to the front of the bus, scream, and then creep in close to the door and say something really nasty. It must of been bad because I had never heard those phrases before and they made the bus driver dive over the turn rail each and every time.

Thankfully for the cab driver, a nice middle aged lady took it upon herself to stand in front of the door and calm the bus driver down. The bus driver would hear reason and go back to his seat. Then the cycle would start again with the dancing in front of the bus.

Finally the police arrived.  The men were separated and the bus was sent on it's way, I'm guessing to the relief of the passengers. Of course the cab driver took that as an opportunity to call the man a pussy as he drove away.

And the Super Masculine Man award goes to the bus driver for stopping once again, blocking all three lanes of traffic, and trying to get off to kick some ass. Oh, he didn't care that the police were there.  Sadly for my blog, the police got him back on the bus, held the cab driver behind, and then sent him away after a safe distance had been established.

Gay Pride Almost Made Me Anorexic!

I headed over to the Gay Pride Parade in Copacabana this afternoon with some lady friends of mine.  Overall, it was a fun and interesting experience. 

I enjoyed that I could dance, and look like the ass I do, as no one would even notice me. It's really hard to take the attention away from the 6'3" tree of a man in pink fuzzy undies and a bra, 4 inch heels, and a tiara standing behind you.

I also loved all the greased up hotties in speedos on the music cars.  It was almost enough to make a women stuff a sock in her pants just to get a closer look.  Then again, way out of my league. I almost became anorexic just looking at the hotness of the hotness of the super hot gay man! I'd hate to be a main squeeze. Talk about high maintenance.  I bet the beauty/workout regiment is like a woman's but on crack, weed, a little LSD, and some Argentinian Malbec.

Not to mention the insecurity issues! I didn't think men looked like that unless carved out of marble.  I stand by the belief that things that beautiful are meant be to looked at, not touched... that is unless he's straight and has an obsession with tall awkward women who have popped out a couple of babies. Then touching is not only allowed but is recommended. 

It got even more interesting when I got into a cab on the way home. I really know how to pick 'em, don't I. 

He asked if I was a sympathizer.  What? Are the gays the newest group of Nazis out there and no one told me? Now that would be a bit mind blogging to see, wouldn't it.

I asked him to clarify.  He asked me, very gently, if I was pro-gay.  I guess everything is on the ballot these days.  

I told him of course! My husband is gay.

I had a peaceful drive home after that.


 

Destiny or Illuminati?

I swear I should start Rio de Janeiro taxi cab confessions, only from the other way around. I just keep running into interesting or creepy cab drivers.  

Lucky for me, my taxi man yesterday was interesting instead of creepy.  I was running late, a very unusual thing in my life, and it was raining.  Not to mention that I still had to drop off my oldest at his uncle´s place before I could head to my destination.  I jumped into a cab to solve the rain/time/effort issue.

The conversation started out normal enough. Where are you from?  Then it took a little turn.  Should I be surprised.

Have you heard of the Illuminati?  Of course I have! I´ve read that Dan Brown book.

No no, more than a book. I was schooled by my Evangelical conspiracy theory believing driver. Apparently the world is controlled by 33 families. They control all the governments.  That´s why that nice man Obama can´t seem to produce the change he promised.

Interesting theory.

He also informed me that he and his family are church going people but that´s with the understanding that the Illuminati do control it.  The importance is that he believes in God and you have to play the game. riiigghht

As he continued, I realized that this guy was incredibly up to date with international and local news and has an amazing understanding of history... well, expect for the whole Illuminati thing.

Then again, who am I judge. He could very well be right.  If my blog should disappear and you are randomly directed to a page full of symbols, we will all know who to blame!

Confederate Taxi Driver?!

My most disturbing taxi experience in Rio de Janeiro had nothing to do with speed or reckless driving. 

One day my sons and I hailed and hopped into a random cab. Of course he noticed I am a foreigner and started up the normal where are you from conversation. 

Then it took a different turn.  He declared himself a confederate. 

I wondered, did I hear him correctly. The man is obviously of mixed background. Confederate?

Oh I had heard him correctly and to cement his comment, he showed me his confederate flag key chain. The man had taken a trip to the US to tour the confederate south quite a few years before! 

At this point, I´m just thinking "CRAZY!" First off, he´s not American.  Who the hell from another country wants to be a confederate American, especially when there´s no longer a confederacy?  The next part is even worse.

He started raving about the KKK.  He actually turned and looked at my three year old and asked if he could say KKK.  Never been prouder of my son for saying a strong NO.  It´s like he knew the guy was asking him to say something naughty.  Then he proceeded to say that he can´t believe that the United States of America voted in some black guy. 

That pissed me off. The KKK and referring to our president as some black guy.  Not cool.  I had a seriously stupid bigot as my driver!  This dude´s Grandma was probably black. I mean, this guy was not white in the slightest.  And he also wasn´t just "Brazilian."  And that would be the reason I didn´t fully tell him off.  Crazy doesn´t respond well to reason.

I also have a rule not to piss of cab drivers, they have control over the car that my children and I are in for heaven´s sake, but I couldn´t let it slide.  You can´t not say something again racism.

But I couldn´t just it go.  I told him that I highly support Obama and that it was the white guy before him who fucked everything up. 


Then I started in on his beloved KKK and told him that they don´t even exist anymore. He was shocked and said he thought they were still going strong.  I told him no, that maybe there were small branches of guys who sat around together wearing the white dresses.  Then again, I don´t know if you could call that KKK or something else.  I also informed him that the people of the US are getting smarter (mmmm, I fibbed a bit there) and don´t support that kind of attitude anymore. (fingers crossed!)

I mean, seriously people, the KKK would sooner burn a cross in the dude´s front yard then bake the man welcome to the club cookies.  What in the hell is he thinking?

I continued by telling him the good Obama is doing with public health care and making it easier for people to get a college education.   I told him how the south is poor now and not thriving what-so-ever. I even told him that the women have gotten fatter.

I told him he could pull over because we were at our stop.  We weren´t but I was done. He gave me his card and we got out.  I walked with my boys around the corner, threw the card away, and got into another cab.  That was enough crazy for one day.

The Rio de Janeiro Taxi Driver, always in a hurry

Why am I always surprised by taxis? You'd think I'd have learned by now.

I got a night out last night and hightailed it over to my friend's place.  We chatted, had a drink, and listened to music. An all around good night.

I called a cab around 1030pm and headed home.  Rio de Janeiro has a new law that all taxis have to have working seat belts in the back. Funny how there has to be an actual law to make this happen. Before this, you'd find the shoulder strap and nothing to lock it into. The base of the seat belt was always under the seat.

I blame my Mom for my seat belt obsession.  She wouldn't even pull out of the driveway until all of us had confirmed our belted in status. 

The seat belt wasn't working on the side I got in.  I hesitated a second. Not going to make a big deal out of it and switch seats. Oh hell, who am I kidding and who am I trying to impress. I slid over, behind the driver, and buckled up. 

Maybe the driver took that as a challenge. Maybe he was just in a hurry.  Goodness knows, but we were off!  I think it took me 10 minutes max to get from the end of Copacabana all the way to my place in Laranjeiras.  He wasn't letting the rain or other drivers stop him from beating his pre-determined time, or so it seemed. 

I stayed calm during the race.  At least I was buckled in!  My next goal is to have the balls to tell the driver to slow the fuck down.  Pardon my language. 

My Mother In Law did it once.  We got in the car with my oldest, who was only 1 at the time, and the driver took off. My MIL went off on him.  "What the hell?!  There's a child in the car!  Don't you think you should drive like there's in a child in the car." She followed it up with a "Turn down the air too. You're going to give him pneumonia."

One of these days I'll develop the ability to correctly tell off a taxi driver without daring him to kill us both.  I can do Moms and Nannies at the park so it mustn't be too far off. 

Driving in Rio de Janeiro

Driving in Rio de Janeiro is an amazing thing.  It's like being in a pinball machine, you bounce from here to there and one wrong move means game over.

In all seriousness, I haven't had a problem. Then again, I have the utmost respect for driving in Rio.  You have to.  Things on the road change from one minute to the next. If it's not a random delivery guy on a bike, it's a sudden traffic jam, or a car cutting over from the outside lane to turn right.

It's madness.  You also have to take in for account the fact  that not all streets have signs, and some that do have the tiniest ones you've ever seen. And if you miss your turn you could end up stuck on a highway for 30 minutes before you can turn around. It happened to a friend of mine. A short-cut turned into a long-cut when she missed her turn and wound up over by the international airport.  2 hrs later she was home with a migraine.

Now don't get me wrong,  this is not to discourage you from driving here.  It's an adventure and a hell of a lot of fun. There are no rules. I don't even know why there are lanes.  Once they repaved a highway leaving Rio and hadn't painted the lanes on. Daniel and I were laughing hysterically because it almost worked better. No one pays attention to the lanes so be prepared.

Here is a great site about driving in Rio. It's in-depth info for those who need to know:
http://www.rioholiday.com/Driving-in-Rio-de-Janeiro.htm

Here's a less tense version:
http://www.turisbarra.com/DrivingRio.htm

In all honestly, you don't need to drive here.  Take a bus. There are buses everywhere and they go everywhere.  And they are an adventure. Hold on, I have literally fallen out of my seat on one of these bad boys. The drivers drive like they are in the indy 500... in a bus full of people.

The subway also works. Doesn't go to as many places as buses but it's a good system.

There are 500 taxis for every 1 person in Rio. You will have no problem getting one unless it's raining.  Cariocas melt in the rain.  It's been proven. They are made of sugar.

Take a van.  You'll see them. The guys hanging out of the VW bus shouting while the car is driving. Yes, that is mass transit. I've taken them. I save them for special trips like zona sul to Barra.

Lastly, walk. Great way to see everything.

Things to never say to a Carioca taxi Driver

There are numerous things you should never say to a taxi driver in Rio de Janeiro. For starters, Flamengo sucks.  Not the birds, the soccer team.  Like 98 % of all taxi drivers are Flamingistas.  Hell, 98% of all Brazilians are Flamingistas.

I learned the second thing last night coming home from Cathy's birthday party in Lapa.  I got in the cab and said "Laranjeiras por favor, rapidinho".  That translates to "Laranjeiras please, quickly (actually little quickly but we don't say that in English).

Thank goodness for the new seat belt law in Rio that require taxis to have seat belts in the back!  I thought I was going to die. I tried to say a prayer and realized I forgot all of them.  All those church years down the drain.  I'll google them later.

I was sitting thing wondering if this guy was just a fast driver or if he actually took my quickly comment seriously.

We took tunnel Santa Barbara and once we got to the other side, my driver was oh so proud.  He looked at me via the rare view mirror and said "4 minutes! Not bad!  See, I got you hear quickly" It takes between 10 and 15 minutes normally, depending on traffic.

At least I now know how it feels to be in a race car on the streets of Monaco.

Rule 2: Never tell a Carioca taxi to go quickly... unless you really mean it!

How about you?  What rules do you have when it comes to taxi drivers?