The Poor Brazilian Man

Oh the poor Brazilian man. You are always the object of debate or fascination. You are called charming and untrustworthy. We foreigner women hate your blatant attention and yet complain when we aren't receiving it. You can never win! Wait, or do you always win?

The Brazilian man can openly compliment not one or two women but all of them. And they aren't necessarily being inggenuine. They just love ALL women. Honestly, part of me buys this. Just look at the kilo restaurants Rio de Janeiro is famous for. Nothing a Brazilian likes more than being able to go in and try a little bit of every kind of something.

I started thinking about this after reading an article in the Huffington post. In it the writer goes over why she has lost her sexy mojo when it comes to Brazilian men. They just don't compliment her as much. One of the possible reasons being because she darkened her hair. That or because she is "giving off an inaccessible vibe."

I could see that but not in the way that she is thinking. The Brazilian man is not deterred easily. They are persistent if anything. What changes after being here a while is that you stop hearing it. It is kind of like the noise of the city, you get used to it after a while. The "linda" (beautiful) and the obnoxious hisses start to blend in with the fruit guy yelling about bananas, the traffic, and general people movement.

Though I can give you some advice if you want to notice the attention again. Get pregnant. I'm dead serious. While I am not the favorite body type of the Brazilian man, while pregnant I was harassed more than a woman would be walking around naked. I'm telling you, at least Carioca men seemed inappropriately turned on by my baby belly. I couldn't go anywhere, ANYWHERE, without being aggressively whistled at, linda-ed, and hit on.

What do you think, is a pregnant woman that sexy or is it just a Brazilian thing?  

Brazilian men: Hot or Just Charming?

I ran across an old friend on Facebook the other day. This old friend comes out in my stories as being absolutely gorgeous. Seriously, I still remember thinking, every time I saw him, that he was gorgeous. Of course, the Facebook photos tell a different story.

Don't get me wrong, he's a good looking guy. The thing is, Facebook only provides the image. No charm is involved. That got me thinking, how much of Brazilian hotness is due to personality?

Honestly, Brazilian men are freaking charming! They are smoother than butter. They are smoother than a male swimmer's legs! Hell, there's a Carioca rule that if you are into the girl you try to kiss her within the first 5 minutes. You miss that window and it's all downhill from there.

Some foreigner girlfriends and I were discussing just this last week. We are all from different countries and have had experience with men from different countries as well as Brazilians. The consensus was that Brazilian men have a smoothness that we foreigners have not seen anywhere else. One minute they come to say hello, the next minute you are kissing, and the next minute you are buck naked and having sex on their dining room floor. Alright, maybe their Mother's dining room floor as a shockingly large amount of Brazilian men live at home for far too long. Whole different blog post.

It made me stop for a minute and just look at Mr. Rant. Thank goodness we have been married for almost 8 yrs now and he wastes hardly any of that charm on me at this point. (Isn't it nice how I turned that into a positive?)  Anyway, I can say that I do find him very attractive. He's hot! Phew!

None-the-less I really couldn't keep my hands off him when we met... and for like 3 years afterward. After a night with him you'd think he had created the bra hook with the ease in which he got that bad boy off!

Let's also not forget how well he handled my awkward ways. When we met he was sexy and smooth and I would say something lame. He continued to be sexy and smooth and then I would be awkward and sarcastic. There was no stopping the smooth people... and obviously it worked.

Fast forward and I married the guy. Personally, I'd like to act as if that compliments me because I caught this charming man. But let us be honest, I am living in Brazil and have learned Portuguese. The force in him is strong my friend.

If I had to compare the Brazilian charm to anything I would say it is like a top shelf tequila. It slides down so smooth you almost think you aren't drinking alcohol at all. Of course 2 or 3 sips in you are practically bar girl putty in their hands. Be warned ladies!

FYI, you can grow a tolerance to it just like tequila, and that is a good thing!

So what is more important to you, charm or beauty? Do you find Brazilians particularly charming or is it just me? 

Crushes, Divorce, and Regret

The Little Hen House, an awesome Mommy blog, posted something that caught my eye: 70% of people who divorce regret it within a year later .

The entire post was about a married woman's crush on someone other than her spouse and how to handle it. The post touched home because I am a little crush magnet. I constantly have crushes. I just can't help it! Apparently I am 12 going on 31. If only they made a movie about that.

The best part of the post was the how it is "normal" part. Honestly, I have always found it normal! Marriage was created as a means to secure property. You can thank an ex for that fact, but it is true. Just marry a Brazilian man and you will see that the potential-other-hot-partners observational skills do not die after marriage. They still see them and they feel far less responsibility to hide that fact than us North American/Europeans.

The things is that just because you are married doesn't mean that you will not notice others whom you would want to "mate" with if you were single. It doesn't meant that at all! What marriage means is that you'll not hook up with them in spite of the attraction. Oh yes, the hook up potential is still there, it's just not worth what you would have to give up.

Personally, I take that as a far bigger compliment. Find ladies attractive. Wonder if I would be willing to do what you hear they do. Whatever you need to do to get through your day. What is essential is that you find your relationship with me more important than any other curiosity that may cross your path.  There really isn't anything more complimentary than that. It's a big old "You rock my world so much that I am going to make a constant effort to be with you, even though I really hate how you leave your bras hanging off the doorknobs in the bathroom!" Not that I do that or anything...

The point is, crushes are awesome because they demand nothing more than our imagination and they are ok as long as they stay that way. Crush on people! It's a great way to feel a bit naughty without actually being it!

So tell me, do you have a crush? 

Hot Brazilians for your Friday!

I was inundated with recommendations for Hot Brazilian Friday. And I LOVED every minute of it! If you have a crush on a hot or cute Brazilian, feel free to let me know. Nothing like mentally rating pictures of beautiful people to brighten up your day. 

There are no words to describe Anderson Dornelles except for maybe the fact that I am totally in love. He can be an ass if he wants to, he is officially hot enough to pull it off.  

And while I usually only do one picture each, Anderson's butt totally deserved a cameo! 

For the Lady lovers, I have Alinne Moraes. While she is absolutely gorgeous, she has nothing on Mr. Anderson up there!

4 Million More Women in Brazil than Men!

Photo by: http://www.moxiebird.com

The Brazil 2010 census is out people and it gave this Ranter some very important information!

There are 4 million more women than men in the country of Brazil! As for the state of Rio de Janeiro, there are 1 million more!

Houston we have a serious problem.

People say that Brazilian men cheat and can be chauvinistic.  Well wouldn't you be if you were the one in short supply and high demand. Hello, it's basic sexual/relationship economics. There are just far too many tacos to fill people.

Luckily for all of us I have the solutions to our problem. Yes, solutions because something as dire as this can not be fixed easily.

For starters, Brazilian men have got to stop bringing in foreign women. I know I fall under that umbrella but I have popped out 2 additional Brazilian men. I feel that they could possibly make up for my husband's actions.

Next we women have to start working Brazil in 2 year shifts. I will make a call to the US, Canadian, and British consulates and explain our situation.  We will divide ourselves into 3 groups and every 2 years you are required to travel for 2 years. Think of it as keeping the population new and fresh.

As for an effort to fix the problem, not just treat the symptoms of it, we are going to start a lesbian movement. Lesbians of Brazil it's time to step up your game. We women confuse easily, use it to your advantage and take one for the team.

Mr. Rant was kind enough to off another suggestion, that's what husbands are for after all. He suggests polygamy under the understanding that there must be an amiable relationship among the wives. While I appreciate his effort to help, I don't really think the women of Brazil can pull this one off.  Let's just say that there's an alpha dog situation among a woman and her maid, what the hell is going to happen with another wife?!

Lastly, and most drastically, the importation of men. I think this could be a big money maker for the right company but they have to work on their angle. Women in Brazil expect certain qualities in their men. To make things easier for these future business people, please refer to the chart on this post: Yes I'm Writing About Penises

This is going to be a group project people! If one of us drops the ball, everyone drops the ball. And I know that all of you want to hold the ball but please just wait your turn and you'll get your chance. We have a shortage on our hands! 

Is Facebook Ruining Relationships?

While reading the Brazilian Magazine Criativa, I stumbled upon an article called "Facebook and Sex: A new Etiquette for Romantic Relationships."

One thing came to mind: Awesome! Not only has Facebook made it uncomfortably convenient for all of us to have easy access to those people we may want to forget, it's also allowing love to screw with our heads much more efficiently.

You have all  seen at least one facebook couple fight. No easier way to get gossip flowing than by changing your relationship status. Married to it's complicated or in a relationship to engaged. The best being the complete removal of relationship status all together.

Go ahead, make your high school sweetheart's sister wonder if you are still with your husband. Make a comment on a picture and see if your old neighbor's cousin's wife questions the sexual history between the two. Let's rock the boat a bit.

And apparently Facebook brings out affairs! The Criativa article and the AAML site state these statistics:

 "An overwhelming 81% of the nation’s top divorce attorneys say they have seen an increase in the number of cases using social networking evidence during the past five years, according to a recent survey of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers (AAML).   Facebook holds the distinction of being the unrivaled leader for online divorce evidence with 66% citing it as the primary source."

Way to raise the bar Facebook! Apparently people cheating on their spouses are even easier to catch with this wonderful social network.  In Brazil, I could totally see people accessing their facebook while on a tryst and accidntly checking in: So and So was at Love Time Motel April 24th at 3pm. Oops. 

It's just a matter of time people. If you would kindly refer back to my post on how 70% of Brazilian men cheat, the odds are not with us! Keep track of the relationship statuses of your friends people.

Sadly though, I'm a train wreck kind of girl. I find so much humor in these online back and forths. The status changes, arguing on posts, and/or comments made on a 3rd party's picture of someone else's lover. It's like listening to the neighbor's lovers spat but at your own convenience and with pictures.

I have to say, as the rest of the world starts sharing as much as I do on Facebook, skeletons are leaving closets and creating their own profiles. While high in entertainment factor, this does not always work for the greater good. 

What do you think, are we giving Facebook too much credit or is it taking away the essential mystery in relationships?

Machismo at it's Best

Brazilian men are known to be a bit masculine when it comes to some things. Today I was shown proof from my very own window.

I heard yelling out on the street and being the nosy girl I am, I decided to check it out.  I was not alone because the chaos had caught the attention of quite a few people.

There they were, a cab driver and a bus driver, screaming at each other. No, not from their vehicles. We are in Brazil!  They had stopped their bus and cab in the middle of the street and were having a little chat. The bus driver was reserved enough to stay in his bus while the cab driver preferred to dance around like a drunk and angry monkey.

From what I could tell, the bus driver had done something to piss the cab driver off.  Personally, I would have just let the bus go because 1. it's bigger than the cab and 2. bus drivers in Rio de Janeiro are bad asses! Driving the way they do in a city like this, and seeing what they see, puts them up there in the don't piss off category.  But that's just me.

They fought in a cycle. The cab driver would go to the front of the bus, scream, and then creep in close to the door and say something really nasty. It must of been bad because I had never heard those phrases before and they made the bus driver dive over the turn rail each and every time.

Thankfully for the cab driver, a nice middle aged lady took it upon herself to stand in front of the door and calm the bus driver down. The bus driver would hear reason and go back to his seat. Then the cycle would start again with the dancing in front of the bus.

Finally the police arrived.  The men were separated and the bus was sent on it's way, I'm guessing to the relief of the passengers. Of course the cab driver took that as an opportunity to call the man a pussy as he drove away.

And the Super Masculine Man award goes to the bus driver for stopping once again, blocking all three lanes of traffic, and trying to get off to kick some ass. Oh, he didn't care that the police were there.  Sadly for my blog, the police got him back on the bus, held the cab driver behind, and then sent him away after a safe distance had been established.