Questionable Internet Behavior?

Mr. Rant and I had a chat this evening over questionable internet behavior. The thing about internet is that it leaves access to gray areas that could or could not be questionable depending on the relationship of the person.

That then goes directly into the "privacy" aspect of internet and relationship. What can a partner read and question without getting the response of "Did you go into my account?" Is it ok for a spouse to enter your account? Is it ok to do questionable things under the umbrella understanding that one won't use the known password and check on the other?

I have always felt that, seeing Mr. Rant has all my passwords, he will one day check up on things. Personally, I call it healthy curiosity instead of prying. But let's be honest, we all like to pry. We want to know the dirty secrets of the person we are with, even though the person we are with isn't supposed to have any dirty secrets.

At the same time, how boring is it to not! My solution, to have dirty secrets with the one you are with! Oh the ideal world I live in.

In all honesty though, it comes down to perspective. And in the internet society we live in we have to have perspective. I'm sorry but at one point or another your significant other is going to either 1. download more porn than you are comfortable with 2. overly compliment someone else to a point that you are not comfortable with 3. have internet sex or 4. try internet bestiality (sheep are getting crazy smart these days).

So where is the line? Is it password use or activity? Is it communication over lack there of? How much contact are you comfortable with you spouse having? 

Crushes, Divorce, and Regret

The Little Hen House, an awesome Mommy blog, posted something that caught my eye: 70% of people who divorce regret it within a year later .

The entire post was about a married woman's crush on someone other than her spouse and how to handle it. The post touched home because I am a little crush magnet. I constantly have crushes. I just can't help it! Apparently I am 12 going on 31. If only they made a movie about that.

The best part of the post was the how it is "normal" part. Honestly, I have always found it normal! Marriage was created as a means to secure property. You can thank an ex for that fact, but it is true. Just marry a Brazilian man and you will see that the potential-other-hot-partners observational skills do not die after marriage. They still see them and they feel far less responsibility to hide that fact than us North American/Europeans.

The things is that just because you are married doesn't mean that you will not notice others whom you would want to "mate" with if you were single. It doesn't meant that at all! What marriage means is that you'll not hook up with them in spite of the attraction. Oh yes, the hook up potential is still there, it's just not worth what you would have to give up.

Personally, I take that as a far bigger compliment. Find ladies attractive. Wonder if I would be willing to do what you hear they do. Whatever you need to do to get through your day. What is essential is that you find your relationship with me more important than any other curiosity that may cross your path.  There really isn't anything more complimentary than that. It's a big old "You rock my world so much that I am going to make a constant effort to be with you, even though I really hate how you leave your bras hanging off the doorknobs in the bathroom!" Not that I do that or anything...

The point is, crushes are awesome because they demand nothing more than our imagination and they are ok as long as they stay that way. Crush on people! It's a great way to feel a bit naughty without actually being it!

So tell me, do you have a crush? 

Brazilian Child Star talks Anal

So this is old news but I am still going to talk about it. Sandy, a Brazilian version of Marie Osmond only younger, apparently mentioned anal sex in an interview with Playboy magazine. The magazine quoted her as saying something along the lines of "anal sex can be pleasurable."

Well the Brazilian side of Twitter nearly spontaneously combusted at the news. Of course Ms. Sandy went to Twitter to say she never has and never will talk about her sex life. Playboy magazine said they have the video of the moment. This is all big news down here, or was last week anyway, because she is a goody two-shoed good girl.

News flash! Even nice girls like to get laid. I know we are not supposed to say it out loud (like how I slid myself right into that category) but we do. Second news flash, sex is fun.

So this brings me to a conversation I had with friends last night. Why is it that we women have this stigma. If you don't have sex with enough people you are prude and if it's with too many than you are a whore. The entire international group agreed that Brazilians seem to be much more flexible with "the number" and do not scare quite as easily.

My impression of Cariocas, for example, is that a woman can have one night stands without much backlash. That and I have yet to hear about people asking about "the number." I wonder, with all ficando (hooking up) and intersexing, are numbers not important? Have Brazilians sexually evolved past keeping count?

At the same time, how can a country parade naked women every year at Carnaval and then be shocked over one woman's mention of anal? Isn't that a double standard? Of course Sandy was Devassa's Carnaval girl this year and it got just as much attention and criticism. So does that mean that Brazil does have the separation of the good and bad girls just like everyone else?

I really can't tell with all the nudity and making out. Where is the line?

As for good girl vs bad, why do we still have this stigma? Do you think it's beneficial or detrimental to society?  Have we or will we ever evolve past sexual judgement?

Brazil's Perfect Polygamist Relationship!

Photo from the movie The Maid

I've been sticking my toes into the topic of polygamy quite a lot these days. It all started out as a joke on Twitter. Though like any puddle, the source of that water is much larger and pretty damn deep.

So when I stumbled upon an article about a lawsuit by a feminist polygamist, my ears started itching. What is this about? Turns out that she is fighting for her right to have the relationship she wants. She doesn't want legal status or right to property, she just wants the government to stay out of her business.

Obviously my mind then switched to Brazilian women and their maids. You don't see the connection? Let me point it out for you. It is the perfect non-sexual polygamist relationship!

Seriously! Take any married Brazilian woman who has kids and a full time maid. That maid runs the house for her, helps raise her children, and does all the shopping. The two women also bicker. Yes, the maid and the woman of the house will exchange words occasionally, the maid will totally undermine the Mother in front of the children if she feels it's necessary, and the Mother will generally accept it. They are two wives living together!

But why does it work?:

1. The maid doesn't get to sleep with the husband (at least that the wife knows of) but she does have to babysit the children.
2. The wife does not have to share the household income, only the allotted salary that was agreed upon.
3. You have two women who have learned to co-exist due to their own personal needs. This is a key point in any polygamist relationship.
4. You can add another maid without pissing anyone off! Most likely everyone will just be happier with the additional help.
5. No long skirts, poofed hair, or generally ugly garbs unless worn by personal preference.
6. Everyone is of legal age.
7. You can use birth control and only have to provide it for one person.
8. Equality is not an issue. Remember the maid's bathroom post?
9. If the relationship does sour, you can always look for a new sister/maid/wife.
10. It is culturally acceptable. 

Sex or a Baby?

Remember how I screamed baby fever from the top of the blog the other day? Well, things got worse. 

Actually, it's kind of been a work in progress, growing until it hit a peak. You see, not only has baby fever jumped up, so has my libido. 

Yes, I'm saying it here right now. I have been one horny Mommy/expat blogger. It really is getting out of control. I am at the point where I want my husband to skip out on work. I want him to miss meetings and instead head over to a motel with his wife.  Is that too much for a woman to ask?!

People, my libido thinks it's in it's 20s! It's out of control. Sex and hotness is crossing my mind all the freaking time. Ok, let me rephrase that. It's always been a regular visitor but now it has moved in next to my childhood memories and Portuguese that is used at the park. 

Imagine if those things get mixed up! It could get a bit nasty in there! 

So I came up with a plan and it's one that Mr. Rant adores.  Instead of putting my body and energy into trying to make another kid, we're going to try a different direction.

No baby this time. We're going to go for the sex! 

While I am lucky enough to say that our sex life has stayed great, minus some patches here and there, there's always room for improvement. The plan, to focus the extra energy and high libido on orgasms, more frequent trysts, and overall personal attention. 

I mean, babies are awesome. They are so the new black and I just love them to death. I may even have another in a couple of years. But really, when was the last time I got to focus on getting laid (with my husband of course). We have 2 small kids and laid can get lost in that equation. You have to rush or you have to be quiet or you feel like a cow so don't want it at all. 

Screw it, I'm going to give my body want it really wants, the action it had with Mr. Rant in it's early 20s. Ok, maybe there won't be the middle of the night poke as we normally have a kid in the bed. The first thing in the morning may also be lost because of innocent eyes wandering the apartment. 

We do have to draw the line somewhere people. 

But there will be afternoons, nighttime, and if at all possible the fabulous double feature! 

What do you do to keep your sex life fresh?

Is Facebook Ruining Relationships?

While reading the Brazilian Magazine Criativa, I stumbled upon an article called "Facebook and Sex: A new Etiquette for Romantic Relationships."

One thing came to mind: Awesome! Not only has Facebook made it uncomfortably convenient for all of us to have easy access to those people we may want to forget, it's also allowing love to screw with our heads much more efficiently.

You have all  seen at least one facebook couple fight. No easier way to get gossip flowing than by changing your relationship status. Married to it's complicated or in a relationship to engaged. The best being the complete removal of relationship status all together.

Go ahead, make your high school sweetheart's sister wonder if you are still with your husband. Make a comment on a picture and see if your old neighbor's cousin's wife questions the sexual history between the two. Let's rock the boat a bit.

And apparently Facebook brings out affairs! The Criativa article and the AAML site state these statistics:

 "An overwhelming 81% of the nation’s top divorce attorneys say they have seen an increase in the number of cases using social networking evidence during the past five years, according to a recent survey of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers (AAML).   Facebook holds the distinction of being the unrivaled leader for online divorce evidence with 66% citing it as the primary source."

Way to raise the bar Facebook! Apparently people cheating on their spouses are even easier to catch with this wonderful social network.  In Brazil, I could totally see people accessing their facebook while on a tryst and accidntly checking in: So and So was at Love Time Motel April 24th at 3pm. Oops. 

It's just a matter of time people. If you would kindly refer back to my post on how 70% of Brazilian men cheat, the odds are not with us! Keep track of the relationship statuses of your friends people.

Sadly though, I'm a train wreck kind of girl. I find so much humor in these online back and forths. The status changes, arguing on posts, and/or comments made on a 3rd party's picture of someone else's lover. It's like listening to the neighbor's lovers spat but at your own convenience and with pictures.

I have to say, as the rest of the world starts sharing as much as I do on Facebook, skeletons are leaving closets and creating their own profiles. While high in entertainment factor, this does not always work for the greater good. 

What do you think, are we giving Facebook too much credit or is it taking away the essential mystery in relationships?

Coffee Wishes and Caviar Dreams

I didn't love Brazilian coffee from the first sip. Hey, in my defense, it was a bit alarming when the full chest hair popped in right after. I was very Miami Vice cool.

But, not only did I get used to it, I started to like it.  Hell, I can even make a mean cup of it.  Oh yeah, Mother-in-law stamped and approved.

Now that I'm home, I'm left unsatisfied each morning. It's like my coffee has erectile disfunction and, while it meets some basic needs, lacks the tools for the grand finale.

Like any good woman, I'm left attempting to make this relationship work.  Because I love coffee. Because living in Brazil has already ruined my relationship with Starbucks, yet strangely that improved my relationship with my wallet.

And yes, I still drink it like an American.  Big cup with a little milk and sugar.  I am American so, the more the merrier. Yes that phrase also works with food and drink.  But when I do this with American coffee, it's like drinking stale water mixed with slightly soured milk. Sure, that'll wake a girl up, but not in a good way.

I know what you are thinking, why didn't you bring your own Brazilian coffee. I did. I swear I did!  But once I arrive, I am enthusiastically patted down in search of the ground Brazilian goodness.  I wouldn't put it past some of my family to shake out my clothes in hopes of finding some lost droppings.

So I am trying to make the best out of the situation.  My Father was a bit alarmed with the amount of coffee he saw me use. And I was being good knowing he was watching.  As I told him, it's about quality, not quantity.   If that means that I have to use half the bag of coffee he bought, that's a sacrifice I'm willing to make.

And while the coffee here may never make me spontaneously grow body hair, but it can be made so it doesn't make me want to cry.  That will be my goal for the day.  

The Relationship Chameleon

My family and I enjoyed a long drive home from Virginia the other day.  When it finally hit the moment when the kids were sleeping and the adults were tired of talking, I started thinking.

Oh no...

Anyway, I don't know why but I started to think about how people adjust for their significant other.  This is especially true in those fun and education times of the late teens and early 20s.

It got me thinking about my history of relationships and how I changed.  I'll let you be the judge.

The Brazilian Playboy - He was a weightlifter and football player at my high school. I also started lifting weights, eating a diet with more protein, and even started drinking protein shakes. In my defense, he did buy the shakes for me for my birthday. So romantic.

The Mafioso - He was Mexican and classy, accustomed to a higher kind of living.  After a couple of years, my flip flops were replaced by heels, my hoodies by brand names, and my hair got dark and short.  Crazy how that happens.

The Corn Fed Boy - The backlash from the boyfriend above.  Tall, ex-Frat boy.  I started watching football and drinking bud on Sundays. Bud many other days of the week as well. Flip flops were reinstated.

And that basically brings me to Mr. Rant.  I would classify him as the Mr. Man.

Mr. Man - Flips flops get shit but I still wear them. My hair is however I want. And I only workout when I deem necessary.  Cause, none of that really matters.

The beauty about my relationship with him is that it brought me back to me.

As much as we don't like to admit it, we all "adjust" to our lovers. We become more similar to each other, try and do different things.  I bet if you stripped your old relationships down raw like I just did, to basic and obvious changes, you'd see it to.  Hell, just think of your friends and how they were/are with HIM or HER. 

I think the goal in any relationship, is to find someone that you don't have to 'adjust' to or even do it automatically. The ideal is to find someone who adores you for exactly who you are, and yet, gives you that space to grow.  That is a life partner.

Hell, Mr. Rant even adores the annoying things about me.  For example, I seem get a kick out of writing about him.  His sex life prior to marriage, his son's penis, his family, and even his love of breasts.  And he is a great sport about it.

How have you changed for someone else?  Did you ever become Vegan? Did you take up rollerblading?  Do you still have a subscription to Archaeological Digest (only 2 more months left!)?