Em Vez de Crap

My blog isn't always particularly helpful for other expats or future Brazil expats. I'm not always full of information, more antidotes and rantings. But that is going to change right now!

While sifting through the last of our boxes, the most obnoxious ones that we saved for last, I found some notes from my first private Portuguese teacher. When I was fresh of the boat and speaking nothing, my Mother-in-Law recommended that Mr. Rant hire one of her friends. We had about 3 classes until I fired her. Way to start off on the good side of the Mother-in-Law, huh? In my defense, she didn't show up to one of our 8am classes. When I cancelled last minute I had to pay but she could not show up and I didn't get my money back. I called bullshit on that one quickly, especially because that was during my child-free days where waking up at 8am was a big freaking deal!

Anyway, I found one of her lists that was actually quite helpful. Words to know in Portuguese when you know none. Here they are in no particular order:

Valeu a pena: Worth it

Já: already: (ie. You: Let's go! Me: Já?)

Ainda: Still (ie. I still have this paper. Ainda tenho...)

Rapaz: Young man

Ontem: Yesterday

Ante de ontem: The day before yesterday

Em vez de: Instead of


Talvez: Perhaps

Com Licença: excuse me (interrupt)

Desculpa: Sorry (ie. you did something wrong)

Um momentinho: Just a minute/ a moment

Pois Não: It's ok or Can I help you

Não Posso: I can't

Não foi nada: It was nothing

Venha comigo (pronounced ven comigo): Come with Me

Valeu: Thanks (Carioca slang)

I know some of you have more to add. This is a beginner's list but go ahead and get crazy!

Living with Two or More Languages

As an expat in Brazil, I find that the vast majority of my expat friends speak English regardless of where they are from. I have always found their flexibility in switching between English and Portuguese intriguing. Since neither is their first language and they live in Brazil, it is actually quite normal. Though because I speak candidly to them in English, I find it amazing that they can have the same level of conversation in Portuguese. But of course, why wouldn't they be able to?

This begs you to ask: is it your home language, the languages you speak, where you live, or the company you keep that decides which you are most comfortable speaking? When you are a person of less flexible abilities than some of the multilinguals and world travelers out there, that crosses your mind.

What I find among these social nomads is that they have found a bridge. Don't get me wrong, they don't have the secret to the linguistic fountain of youth or anything like that. They do know, however, that the secret is acceptance, immersion, adaptation, and work.

That last one is the thing that surprisingly never comes up in multilingual talk. While some of had the  advantage of being raised with at least 2 languages from birth (not including me sadly), many had to earn their language stripes. That includes suffering through the pains of not understanding anyone where you are at, never being able to adequately share your feelings, and generally feeling lost.

Yet, once you learn a language, you will find yourself torn between the two. I have moments where I can't find an English word for something because it is much better in Portuguese. Honestly, descriptive words in Portuguese rock and I find I have a much easier time discussing the medical issues of my children in my second language. Not a shocker seeing my boys were born and are being raised here. Brazil, and in Portuguese, is where my Mommy vocabulary was born.

On the other hand, I can't express my own feelings worth a damn in Portuguese. It's a block and I can't seem to get past it. I can be quite direct in English, or so I am told, and I know I can come off as a Satanic Bitch in Portuguese. Alright, I can come off as a bitch in English too but I think I've figured that one out at this point in my life.

How about you? Is there one language you prefer in certain circumstances? Do you find yourself mixing more than one language as a means of expressing yourself?

*Motivation for this post came from an article on the Psychology Today site. 

Stream of Consciousness Sunday: Fuzzie Moments

I had a moment when I was standing with my boys at the cake table last night at Chatterbox's birthday party. We were waiting for Mr. Rant to finish rounding people up and sending them over so we could sing "Parabens" (Happy Birthday) in full Brazilian style.

I stood there looking at all the faces and cameras. I thought of all the good madness of the couple hours before. I then looked at the row of excited kid faces at the front of the cake table. Both my boys were standing there sweaty, exhausted, covered in sugar of all kind, and happier than hell. 

This is exactly the type of childhood I wanted for my children and I didn't even know it. I felt so lucky to surrounded by awesome people all there to celebrate my son's life, as well as eat some of the DAMN GOOD food we were serving. 

So when the singing started and the smiles broadened, I was on cloud nine. That's when more warm fuzzies hit. Once the Portuguese singing stopped a goof friend's super cool husband (who earned total brownie points) starting singing Happy Birthday in English! And since it is pretty much the most uninspired and simple song in the history of the universe, everyone there knew it too. The entire group, foreigners and a hell of a lot of Brazilians sang Happy Birthday to my little man in his other language. 

I suppose my little man can have it all after all! 

_________________________________

This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…

Set a timer and write for 5 minutes only.

Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.

Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.

Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post.

Link up your post below.

Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.

Portuguese: The Language of the Future

Now that Brazil is the new black, everyone, including your Mother, is talking about it. Hell, people have even started to figure out that Brazilians don’t speak Spanish! Good for you!

Anyway, I am bringing you a post by some people who not only know that Spanish is not Brazil’s native language but they can also TEACH you Portuguese! Whoo Hooo! Anyway, without further ado, I am going to subject you to a little sponsored post. Give them chance, they have something interesting to say:

There are many reasons to learn Portuguese

            Portuguese as a second language is gaining more and more ground against other languages, which explains why everyday more students travel to take Portuguese lessons in Sao Paulo. They also study at the place they live, but there is a new trend that consists in travelling and studying a second tongue at the place it is spoken. Portuguese as a second language is gaining significant ground against other languages. While studying in the city where you live has been common practice, travelling and studying a second tongue at the place where it is spoken is becoming the new trend. Every day more and more students are arriving in São Paulo to study Portuguese.

But why are people choosing Portuguese? This is a question that simply arises given that not many years ago this language went unnoticed to many people. Well, the truth is that there are many reasons as to why people believe that learning Portuguese is beneficial.
         
To begin with, the Portuguese speaking country of Brazil has been experiencing a dramatic economic growth lately. According to the experts, Brazil’s economy increased 7.5 percent in 2010. Brazil experienced the highest GDP expansion registered since 1986, attributing the high growth rate to the increase of domestic demands in the country. Brazil’s local industry expanded 10.1 percent in 2010. Besides that, Brazil had the third highest expansion as regards GDP, after China and India. This explains why so many companies and investors are trying to do business with Brazil.

No one can afford not to get involved with an industry with such huge development. Nowadays, many companies are hiring either Portuguese speaking employees or Portuguese teachers who can teach the language to their workers.
         
However, Portuguese is not only about business. There is something else encouraging people to learn this language which might result in more fun: travelling. Brazil is one of the favorite destinations worldwide. There is just a unique atmosphere that can’t be explained with words, you have to feel it yourself.

What can be said about this is that Brazil is a perfect destination for a vacation, whether you travel with friends, with your partner, family, etc. There’s something very romantic about the weather, music, dance, etc.  that everyone can enjoy. Brazilian people are friendly and always in a good mood. The good thing about this is that their joy is contagious! Just speak with a Brazilian and you’ll start smiling, which explains why we think that every country should have at least a little bit of Brazil. In order to do so, many people take Portuguese lessons in Rio de Janeiro, where the Brazilian Carnival celebration takes place every year.
         
This article gives you a few great reasons to learn Portuguese. Can you think of more?

** For More info on Portuguese for Foreigners check out this site: Language Trainers

Say What?!

I had a "Say What?!" moment this weekend.

On Sunday we all headed down to a charity Feijoada with the family. I was hanging with the kiddos making sure they only got into innocent trouble when some dude came up to chat with them. Of course he somehow knew that Chatterbox is half American. Random news travels fast when served over rice, beans, and sausage.

The funny part was his reaction. When he talked to Chatterbox, he spoke in Portuguese. Obviously Chatterbox, being surrounded by Brazilian children as well, responded in Portuguese. Then man's reaction:

"WOW! You speak Portuguese really well!"

Say what? The man knows my kid's entire Brazilian extended family.We live in Brazil. His Father is Brazilian. Of course he speaks Portuguese!

And I know maybe for some reason or other, he thought that I would completely ignore the language of my son's home country, the language of his father, and the language of his family. I get that.

But the guy continued with his amazement and then it came out that he was not surprised at all that Chatterbox speaks English. Portuguese, for the half Brazilian kid living in Brazil surrounded by a Brazilian family, was the surprise.

It's moments like these when I wish we were teaching him some random 3rd language and I could say "Sorry, he only speaks Mandarin." 

Reading in Portuguese: I'm still a preschooler

People we have had a breakthrough! I read a children's book in Portuguese and did not sound like I was attempting to speak German with a mouthful of marbles!

I know what some of you are thinking, a children's book?! Hey, it's harder than it looks. Children's books usually rhyme and have to be read out loud. Little known fact about me, I don't like reading out loud. I get performance anxiety and have flashbacks to elementary school.

But I love reading to my kids. They don't judge me, at least not yet. Of course there are the Portuguese books. While our personal collection is principally English, their school sends home a book a week with each child. As the picker upper of the wee ones, I am the one who receives the ever so excited "Please read it now!" requests.

Of course I do it, unless Mr. Rant is present. If he's home I pass the Portuguese along to him with the excuse of it being Daddy's first language, not mine. Funny enough, that's something my children totally get.

Still, the majority of reading time still falls into my lap and I've been schlepping through it like a pro. And it seems to be paying off! I sat down to read "Fome Danada" by Ana Maria Machado e Claudius (hello long name) and didn't stumble once!

I busted out the rhymes and told the story with a great beat, as I believe all Brazilian stories should be told. The little one laughed and pointed and had a ball.

And while simple, it made me feel good. It's the little things that count the most anyway right?

Who are you calling white?

When I get pissed my Portuguese greatly improves. It's like a survival mechanism. I'm truly amazed by it. If you ever heard me arguing with someone, you'd think I was fluent.

I was proud of myself today as I bickered with our pediatrician over the blood test. He told me it was fine and obviously didn't want to get into the details. I wanted explanations for each variation.

Not only did I win, I asked questions and I questioned his answers. Bonus, I didn't make any blatantly obvious Portuguese mistakes!

Anyway, we settled things and I was on my way out until I remembered one last question. My son has seemed more pale than normal these past couples of weeks. I mean, he's white as hell but he's gotten a wee bit chalky if you will.

So I asked "Is it possible that his being so pale is because of the mild anemia?"

His response: "He's not pale, he's just very white like you are." *Smile*

Yeah, like your charming smile is going to make up for that little comment! But of course, I was thrown off my angry game and got embarrassed.

The lamest comeback ever:  "I'm not that white!"

And I was literally laughed out of his little office.

*PS. My little trouble maker is fine! Virus, mild anemia, and a culture for the blood in urine which he said is nothing to worry about.

Cara de Pau!

I'm starting to think my waxer is mocking me. 

I went to the salon to get my feet demasculated, when I decided I should just get my legs waxed too. Nothing turns on a husband more than a painted and de-haired woman.

My waxer, being the gem she is, was available.  Of course I'm a glutton for punishment and started up the chit chat. I really shouldn't be allowed to chit chat. 

Push came to shove and it came out that I'm an English teacher by profession. Shocker, she's taking a course and has one questions. Just one!

Sure I'll take a look at it. No problem. 

Post wax and 10 minutes of free English class later, I'm doing her homework!  As we would say in Brazil 'Cara de Pau!'. I think it sounds so much better in English: Penis Face!  I'm so mature, I know.

Anyway, I really did attempt to teach her as opposed to doing her homework but she wouldn't have it.  I would start to explain, in Portuguese, and she would push the whole 'but what would I write?'.  For starters, it's against all the 3 beliefs I have to teach English in Portuguese.  Secondly, she isn't my student. I withheld my, 'you are only hurting yourself' speech because it is directly followed by the 'you are not paying me to speak to you in Portuguese' speech. She wasn't paying me at all!  Actually, I paid her to rip my hair out and cause me pain only to give her a free mini-class. 

Really, it's not a big deal. I didn't mind.  But when she pulled a second worksheet out of the chapter I had already helped her finish, I said enough! I promptly did the worksheet with little explanation. Yes, I'm a wuss. So what. She got her homework and I kept my tip. Oh yeah, I kept my R$5 as payment.  She actually sat there and waited in an awkward silence, giving me that where's the extra look. 

I do not feel awkward that easily. If I did, I'd be living in a closet at this point in my life. When it hit me what she was waiting for, I gave a little wave and went about my ex-pat way.

Nothing in life is free. Not English class and not even a paid wax.

Say What?!

Wow, so the list of what I have not gotten used to in Portuguese just increased. 

I had to call to make an appointment for an ultrasound. Apparently I may be more hormonal than most women. Isn´t my husband lucky.  

Knowing how forgetful I am, I called the special woman ultrasound place right after my appointment.  I´ve only ever gotten ultrasounds while pregnant in Rio so I didn´t know women have to go to special lady places to get their lady parts ultrasounds. It does kind of make sense. I wonder if everything is going to be pink and be covered in lilies...

Anyway, I felt like I was signing up to have Lula do my freakin´ultrasound. I got the 3rd degree. It´s very rare that I feel overwhelmed and, you guessed it, I did.  

It doesn´t help that I understood about 50%. Nothing like an anxious operator to make me feel retarded speaking Portuguese.  I totally lost her after the 'You have to arrive here 15 minutes early and we will run 15 minutes late'.  I think that´s what caused my confusion. I got stuck on their plan to be late. I mean, what is that? 

In the end she asked me if I understood and if I could please repeat back to her the date and time of my appointment.  Yes teacher, I know the answer. Please give me a gold star. 

I guess you could say I´m scared. If the operator is this blunt what in the hell are the techs going to be like!

On a side note, after this day, as it´s the perfect excuse, the 'detox' died.  I mean, the hormone suspicion alone is enough to push a girl over. I just turned 30 and OPA my hormones are dying out on me.  And as a bonus, blood tests, ultrasounds, and a pap. 

Is it just me or is it Christmas?  Well, just in case it is, I made me a big old sandwich to celebrate. Lifes too short and I`m too thin as it is. Yeah food!

Portuguese - check

I have a trip to my girly parts doctor today. Just a little check up.  When I stop to think about it, it always amazes me that I do these things in Portuguese.  I mean, it´s just crazy to think that I arrived here speaking nothing and then ended up delivering both my boys using a language other than my native to communicate.

So I thought I´d do a list of the things I am proud that I can now manage in Portuguese:

1. Doctors:  We´re talking pediatricians, gyno, ER doctors. I´m at ease with my Portuguese medical vocab. Ok, not so much but I´m damn good at charades now.

2. Dentist:  This was surprisingly hard. Just as dentists all over the world, my dentist asked me questions while my mouth was full of stuff. I had a hard time slurring in Portuguese but she seemed to understand. That or she´s a good faker, maybe I should ask her husband...

3. The Butcher:  I used to be afraid of the butcher. I don´t know the different cuts very well and the butchers I´ve met are always in a rush.  I manage now.  If they get impatient, I just take a little longer.

4. Gas station: Have no idea why this made me nervous. It´s full service for goodness sake.  Needless to say, one time and I mastered this challenge.

5. The Gym:  Half the time I don´t know what the hell the trainer person is saying.  First off, I´m in the middle of a workout.  Second, they just start spouting out random words.  Not a big deal though, they are usually there to tell you your position is wrong. If you don´t understand they´ll just fix it.  Basically, I´ve always had pretty touchy feely relationships with gym trainers.  Poor Rachel.

6. School Admins:  At first I got so overwhelmed by the info that I didn´t understand anything. Now I manage with the Sass God gave me and even ask for discounts.  What can I say, the discount is the Brazilian way.

How about you ex-Pats out there?  What have you mastered in a foreign language that´s made you proud?

Portuguese in a handbasket

Geez louise, my Portuguese is going to hell in a handbasket.  I've been noticing here and there but have finally accepted that I've let my 2nd language slip a bit too far.

It started with one of my 3 yr old's preschool class assignments. I saw the note in his school agenda and, in true Rachel style, we did it last minute. I had skimmed the note and was positive I had down what we were supposed to do. Imagine my surprise when we showed up with the model canoe Luka and I made together, only to get a confused look from the teacher. Don't forget the awkward thank you. 

Come to find out, chatting with the other ex-pat Mom who's son happens to be in the class, we were supposed to do research on whatever type of boat we were assigned. Oops. It was supposed to consist of a page of facts and pictures.  Well I was way off there. In my defense, I was scanning a note in my second language while, simultaneously, talking to a 3 year old and caring for a 1 year old. 

Yeah, I know that excuse is a load of crap too but I could believe it if I really wanted to.

Fast forward to this evening. I picked up a note from our building manager and a note a neighbor left in our mailbox.  Before I even opened it, I was thinking drama and complaints. I scanned the neighbor's note, it was nothing.  I scanned the building manager's note. Bingo! Drama.  I scanned it and, in my little English speaking head, it spelled drama with a capital DIVA.  I mean, he actually said to not complain in person and to please put any complaints down in writing to the building and said apartment occupants. 

Has to be a backstory there, right? Wrong. I had read the attitude of the letter totally wrong.  No drama. It's just the building manager communicating the right and wrong ways to, well, communicate.  If you need to talk to someone, kill a tree and send a note.  Is that anti-climactic or what.  And the neighbor's letter, obviously in response to the building manager's letter, was about how he feels we should reform the lighting in the building. 

Well there you go.  I'm putting it on the to do list.  Take Portuguese classes. It's right behind make lunch and dinner, make sure children survive life, and take a shower. I'll get there!  It's a priority now.

Book whore?

I have become an English language book whore. It was a making of my own as I never seem to bring enough back with me.

I find, after years of living in Rio de Janeiro, that I will essentially read any book in English that I can get my hands on.  It's horrible. I've actually felt shame over some books and discovered a guilty pleasure with others that I never would normally have read.

One of the worst books I've read was 'If the Buddha Married'. It just wasn't my cup of tea.  I'm sure others have found it helpful or insightful but, in all honesty, I'm about as Zen as a crack addict. I can't help it. I run on spit and vinegar. I'm happy. I play around and tease. But I'm not Zen. 

Once, I actually got so desperate for a book that I started re-reading an old one from a religion class I took in college. Just so you know, 'Who Wrote the Bible' is a very interesting book but does not make a good free-time read. 

What about bookstores? Out of principal, I won't buy English books at bookstores in Rio de Janeiro. I can't stand the cost!  It's a crime to charge R$40 for a paperback!  Don't even get me started on the R$24 for a fashion magazine.

I finally broke down and started ordering from Amazon.  It's not that expensive and the shipping is fair. I had resisted for so long in hopes that I'd finally pick up a book in Portuguese and expand my Portuguese mind.

It never happened. I found myself searching through books people were selling on the streets. Occasionally you do find English.  They almost always have Fabio on the cover. Even a book whore has her limits.

Rachel vs Portuguese - the never ending battle

Sadly, mastering the ão in pão does not make me a fluent Portuguese speaker.  When I arrived here 2 months pregnant with my first born, I gave myself the 4 years. 4 years to learn Portuguese fluently, reading, writing, and speaking.  I felt that was more than enough time, even for a slightly lazy and occasionally unmotivated person such as myself.


Well, 4 years has come and gone.  I have mastered the art of conversation, sometimes correctly and sometimes not. Hell, it counts if the person understands it.  I haven't been formally educated in the language (not counting the 3 week course I did when I first came).  And come on, 6 different verb tenses?!  Conjugation?  Irregular verbs?  They don't write like they speak, they don't speak like they write. It's not an easy language to acquire.

None the less, I'm slightly disappointed in my writing skills. I had to write a small note in my son's school notebook about what we did during they weekend. The teacher will read each one and ask each student to tell the class about it.

I'm just waiting for the teacher to pull me aside and inform me that I should be writing the note, not my 3 year old.

So what am I going to do about it?  I thought about buying Portuguese grammar tapes and playing them while I sleep.  Hey, it could work.

Seriously though, should cash start flowing a little easier in August, I may try to take some private classes.  Any foreigners living in Rio want to get a group together and hire a teacher?

Why August?  My littlest will finally be in school a couple of hours a day!  Cheer cheer and back flip! Yeah for free time (minus the time I will be working).

Btw, here's a link to a Portuguese Language blog. This post is about something I use incorrectly all the time. To take vs to Bring ie. levar vs trazer

http://www.transparent.com/portuguese/levar-vs-trazer/

Know of any other good pages and/or teachers?

What a difference an accent mark makes

Not only am I a full time Mommy but I'm also a part time Conversational English teacher.  During class last night we started talking about the importance of pronunciation and accent.  It makes a huge difference in being understood or completely misunderstood.  I say this out of experience as I have made an ass out of myself many times here in Rio.  I'm pretty sure it'll become a running theme in this blog. 

This story goes back to when I first came to Brazil.  I was a shiny little sheltered girl who spoke no Portuguese. I mean, zero.

One day I figured I had enough Portuguese to run an easy errand. I went down the street to the neighborhood bakery and picked up some bread.  The first time the guy was a little confused but then I pointed to the bread and he understood. He giggled a little bit, smiled, and sent me on my way.  Mission accomplished! I was a master of my own universe... or the bakery.

I was so excited that I could manage something on my own.  I was nervous every time but I got a huge smile and, what seemed to be, a lot of encouragement from the baker and cashier.

So that became my routine. I would pass by the bakery in the evening, receive lots of smiles, and buy some bread.  That was, until, I went with Cousin Letty.

We were heading to the neighborhood bar for some beers  and I saw that they were putting out little fresh loafs of bread.  I figured a snack wouldn't be a bad idea if I planned to keep up with her.

Long story short, I ordered my bread and Letty practically had a laughter induced seizure. She literally fell over laughing onto the bakery floor.  Imagine me standing there with my little brown paper bag of bread, once so proud and now so confused.

Let me just give you a little Portuguese lesson.  Accents mean a lot down here.  Pão is bread in Portuguese.  If you do not pronounce the accent it becomes Pao. Pao is a completely different word.  I'm going to give you a minute to figure out what it means.

You're right. It means Penis.  For about 5 months I had been ordering bags of penises.  It put the smiles into a whole new perspective. I was that American girl who kept coming in and ordering male genitalia.  Awesome!

After the day of Letty's stop drop and roll laughter, I never again entered into that shop.  I couldn't explain how the ão in Portuguese is a very difficult sound for native English speakers to make.  Not that they cared.  It's funny regardless. I mean, I was there ordering penises daily. There's no saving yourself from that. 

Needless to say, I am damn good at the ão sound now.  Letty still gets a little laugh if she comes into a bakery with me, even though I now order bread.