Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Yes, I'm writing about Penises

I fell over laughing when I saw this ad for XXL condoms online.  Seriously, genius!

But it also got me thinking, which country has the biggest penis? If you ask any Brazilian man, they will say they are the biggest and/or have the most beautiful little men. That or they'll just offer to show you.

By the way, I do not recommend actually asking a Brazilian man unless they are securely tied down and you are out of the splash zone.  Making eye contact for over a half a second is practically an invitation for sex. If you say the word penis you may get attacked or their head will explode.

Sadly, (Mr. Rant I'm only saying that for blogging purposes), I don't have a lot of experience in Brazilian penis measuring.  Then again, this girl was so overjoyed that she married this one right away. I'm talking about the man, not the penis... ok, maybe both.

Now my single friends have had their fair share and, from what their gossip tells me, Brazilians rank right up there with the big boys.  I know what you are thinking, maybe they were exaggerating.  I'm sorry but here are four things you should know about women: 1. We are pretty honest when it comes to what our mate is packing, at least to our close girlfriends. 2. We are always honest about what a hook up is packing. 3. We have told all of our friends about both types.  4. If your wife/girlfriends say she has never talked about your package and or skills, she is lying.  By our second drink out with our friends, it's ALL we talk about.

So I decided to do some research and I found this chart. It was particularly difficult for me to read it at first. I'm American so I have never learned about other countries' flags. Hey, at least I know they have them!  Thank goodness for the source list.

I do have a problem with some of the numbers though. I'd like to first say, I am not racist. This is purely un-educated babble talking.

Anyway, I have an issue with the Lebanese measurement of 6.6 inches, .4 inches bigger than Brazilians and the same size as Ghana's 6.7.  Really? What measuring tape were you using?

As for the Congo's 7.1 inches, I expected more... Overall, the averages seem a bit small. I guess you could say I've been a lucky girl.

And, finally, can we send out a virtual hug to South Korea please.  Korea, don't worry, it's not the size of the boat. It's the motion of the ocean. I swear!

How realistic do you think this chart is? 


  1. Ok this is hilarious, that ad is killing me and also is making my mouth hurt just looking at it! I really don't have much experience in this dept so I am not sure about how accurate those stats are. But I do agree with the fact that at girl's night out there is so much sex talk that it is ridiculous and if anyone is in earshot, I am sure they are mortified.

  2. OK, now that I've had my second drink... Being a gay man who lived in San Francisco for 24 years, mostly as a single guy, I have seen a good number of these guys. I can totally co-sign the chart.

    But then, there are always exceptions, some that excite and some that disappoint.

    Then again, I am not a size queen (but my husband is). =;^)

  3. I'm loving that Jim is on his second drink at 5pm! Lucky man!

    I just love this ad! You guys should google image xxl durex and see the rest

  4. The real question is...Rachel why were you googling xxl durex hm? Could Mr. Rant have Congolese relatives?

  5. Hilarious! You never cross the line, you just push it a head a little. =)Thanks for the coffee tips!

  6. Oh Nancy, of course ;)

    Thanks Kim!

  7. Rachel, I think you've outdone yourself here. But I have to say that I haven't been able to stop laughing either between the chart and the photo above. You are one of a kind!

  8. This chart is not accurate...however this is a very fun post :)

    1st- There is no way in hell French are bigger than Germans...or Danish...

    2nd-Lebanese are not that at all...

    Northern European man are on the larger size of the expectrum opposed to southern European.

    Brazilians are on the bigger size, always, personal experience.

    Americans are on the bigger size too...most likely due to the large number of Germans and Northern European.

    Mexicans and other Hispanic are on the smaller size most likely due to the mix with Native
    Americans and Spanish...which are both on the smaller sized averages...

    As well pointed out by Jim, there are exceptions to the rule, some for bigger some for smaller.
    If you want to check out for yourself, all you have to do is log in to a Man looking for Man website, there are pictures and written measurements to compare worldwide.
    Gaydar or Manhunt are good examples with presence in many, many countries listed, it would be a good source for such information and comparison.

  9. 0700 and reading about penises = a great start to the day!

    As a straight man I've never held a personal survey but I recall as a teenager my father giving me condoms from Japan - they actually hurt to wear (and subsequently split open).

    Indicative? Probably, but do know that I've yet to see a deeper shade of purple.

  10. I'm like Bobby... it's 6:30am here, I'm drinking my coffee and I can barely get past that Durex ad. It's genius and dirty and wrong all at the same time.
    And if this was cocktail hour, I would probably tell you my take on the chart...