Do I Look Fat in this Thong?

It seems that Brazil's expanding waist size is getting international press. Apparently Brazilian companies are, gasp, making larger bikinis!! Oh the insanity of it all. 

I stumbled upon this random article discussing how Brazilian bikini companies are finally making plus sizes. 

A growing number of bikini manufacturers have woken up to Brazil's thickening waistline and are reaching out to the ever-expanding ranks of heavy women with new plus-size lines.

I can not deny that Brazil is getting fatter as it seems the entire world is. What I can say though is that the selling of "plus size" bikinis is not necessarily because of that. In my humble opinion, someone has finally jumped in to make mega money in an area where there has always been a demand but very little supply. 

When I walked into my first bikini shop in Rio I almost had a heart attack. The things the woman kept giving me to try on were obviously not my size. Hell, I was losing money on both sides on the bottom (losing money is a slang for your crack showing). 

That is when the saleswoman so graciously pulled the bottom up my bottom. She exclaims "This is how you wear it" with a laugh. 

"Excuse me, isn't this essentially the same as a thong???"

You could see the poor stupid gringa looks spread throughout the store. Silly American doesn't know how a bikini bottom really should fit. 

Thankfully things have been slowly but surely changing. I noticed, shortly after the birth of my oldest, that there were more slightly larger bikini options.  Keep in mind that these "larger" bottoms would still make most N. Americans blush.  

I am a proud owner of a couple of pairs of these great fitting "larger" bikini bottoms. My beach style has gotten far more active with the kiddos. Goodness knows no one wants to get an eyeful of kitty while building a sandcastle. 

The thing is not all Brazilian women look like Gisele or The Girl from Ipanema. Media always posts pictures of the women who do because, let's be honest, they are ridiculously hot. But the fact is that Brazilian women have junk in the trunk. They are gorgeously curvy. We have all kinds of shapes and sizes happening down here and that is nothing new. 

While Brazilians have always accepted women of all shapes and sizes, it seems they are only now willing to dress them as well.

Business Women of Brazil

Photo by: GNT

I read this fluff piece on Business women in Brazil. It basically credits Dilma's example and the economy for the go getting ladies down here. Fair enough as it does help. Of course I see it from a different angle.

Brazilian business women have been kicking ass long before the coming of Dilma or the world's acknowledgement of Brazil's economy. When Chatterbox was born 5 yrs ago, EVERY Brazilian woman I knew asked when I was going to get back into the workplace. When I explained my stay at home plans I received less than stellar reviews. Stay at home? What? What about your career?

Let me break down business women in Brazil, they kick ass! I have never seen a more motivated group of women in my life. They are the ones who make shit happen in this "machismo" country. The old saying that behind every good man is a woman translates in Brazil to: Behind every good man is a woman telling him what he should really be doing. The ladies here may be referred to as their husband's woman, but seriously, it doesn't take anything away from them.

I think a big part of that is because the business women of Brazil are not afraid to be just that, women. There is even this AWESOME article about it. Thank goodness the former fluff piece motivated a little internet research...

While I don't agree with everything but these points are golden:

• Appearance counts. Your clothing will reflect upon you and your company.
• Brazilian women dress "sexy" in all situations, whether business, formal or casual. Foreign women who want to blend in should avoid wearing overly formal, conservative attire.
• Shoes should be stylish, polished and well-kept. Nails should be manicured.
• In business situations, men should wear conservative dark suits, shirts and ties. Three piece suits indicate executives; two piece suits indicate office workers. Women should wear feminine dresses, suits and pantsuits and avoid "dressing like a man."

The business women here get a mani pedis at least every 2 weeks, steal that promotion you were going for, and all while scheduling their bikini wax for lunch time the next day.

I have said this before and I will say it again, Brazilians understand the power behind being a woman. The Brazilian business woman doesn't just go with that. No, it's much bigger. She owns it. She doesn't have to "accept" who she is, she is who she is. The Brazilian business woman has gone after her education, work experience, and career. In fact, all of that has only made her feel more womanly.

As a Stay at Home Mom, I see a very equal responsibility over the children when it comes to two working parents. Quite honestly, there are many breadwinning Mothers of children in my boys' schools. The Fathers come to pick the kids up at 530pm while the Mothers work late.

The thing that most amazes me is that the Brazilian business woman is not trying to fit into the world of men. They don't need to. The business world of Brazil is open to both sexes equally. While they may not have pee wee soccer for girls, they still expect them to ace their math classes.

My favorite part about the working women of this country is their pride. They do not come in wearing horrible orthopedic shoes and a dark masculine suit. These women come in and show the true intelligence behind feminine sex, and all while looking like one.

What has been your impression? 

Hot or Too Skinny?

Mr Rant and I were out and about when we saw an attractive woman. I went into full woman flattery, the kind that always makes men wonder if we women aren't truly bi instead of just appreciating the beauty of one of own, when he voiced his disagreement.

What?

The woman was hot! She was thin, dressed well, very pretty face, and even had great hair. What was wrong? In Mr. Rant's opinion, she was too thin.

Here's the thing, she wasn't that thin. She wasn't even close to scary skinny. She was just, in fact, thin. Though to him she could have looked healthy. In actuality, she didn't look unhealthy. I didn't even have the urge to stuff a couple of pieces of bread down her throat nor make a bitchy comment about her diet (or lack there of).

It made me wonder...

While thinness is glorified in most 1st world countries, Brazil still has a healthy appreciation for a good sized ass, full legs and a softer stomach. I will never forget a similar discussion at Ipanema beach, circa 2003, during my first visit.

My brother-in-law and Mr. Rant were checking out this chick. She was hot but, as I pointed out, she had a soft stomach. There was a pooch. How could she be a 10 with a pooch? There answer still makes me smile: "it means she likes beer. That's a good thing."

I must say, I like this attitude. The first time I bitched to Mr. Rant about my cellulite he looked at me confused. "All women have cellulite."

Obviously that comment bit him in the ass but he followed it up in an ok way. He said something along the lines of: women are softer than men. They are supposed to be. All of you have cellulite, unless you are anal retentive with workout and diet, and who wants to be in a relationship with that girl?

He then followed it up with the required husband response of "You are hot! I love your ass." How can you be mad at that.

So while Brazilians, Cariocas especially, are known for their obsessive beauty, they also respect that women come in all shapes and sizes. As one Brazilian male friend said in response to hearing that a mutual friend was embarrassed about the fabulous size of her ass:

"I want to play her like a Cello!"

I must say, let's spread this kind of thinking around a bit more!

Do you have a preference when it comes to women or do you just love us all?

The Pressure to Be Girly

" but I feel the pressure to be girly more here than in the US and I feel that the pressure starts early. "

This is the quote from a reader on my post Women, Media, and Power... or lack there of and I agree with it completely.

I had never considered myself unkempt before living in Rio de Janeiro. I arrived in Rio de Janeiro to women with perfectly manicured toes and nails as far as the eye could see. It was also about 3000 degrees out (which is what summer feels like to a newly arrived foreigner) and while I was considering shaving my head none of the Brazilian women were even sporting a ponytail!

I found myself in uncharted territories of girlization. There I was in plane black flip flops, jeans, a basic top, ponytail, no jewelry, and chipped nail polish. I'm surprised they even let me past customs.

People, I'm not even exaggerating this time around. The women of Rio de Janeiro take an extreme pride in their appearance. We are talking about at least bi-weekly manicures and pedicures, along with hair straightening procedures (and it is a procedure down here), waxing, gym, and styling. I'm guessing there are more steps that I haven't even heard of.

Hell, these ladies go to the gym looking good! I complained to Mr. Rant immediately when he suggested I purchases some Brazilian workout clothes. I mean seriously, I even have to look cute or hot at the gym?! Of course he was looking out for me and trying to help me blend in. Being the stubborn ass I am I refused the shopping trip and went to the gym in my raggedy old shorts and an oversized t-shirt. I couldn't have stuck out more if I was wearing pasties and body glitter.

To make matters worse, I have heard, more than a few times, men making comments about their spouse or girlfriend's body. Two occasions shocked me to the core. The first one was when a boyfriend mentioned and pointed out the additional cellulite on his girlfriend's butt and the second when a husband told the wife, at a full table, that he was watching what she was eating. As he explained to everyone who was listening, she was putting on too much weight during her pregnancy. Being pregnant myself, I mentioned that I had put on a ton. I do believe he was truly disgusted.

Of course those examples are to the extreme but sadly are quite common none-the-less. There is a special population here that has no problem judging others on something so little as chipped nail polish or not polishing your nails at all.

In the end, I did adapt to a mellower version of the Carioca woman. It does feel nice to be a bit more feminine. I love wearing the big dangly earrings and have a new sense of pride over clean and polished toenails (even though I am fairly bad at keeping them up in comparison). That being said, it isn't an image that defines me.

I refuse to believe that my most important goal is to always be "presentable." I actually find myself more comfortable in an old pair of flip flops, a ponytail, and comfy jeans... of which I have been teased about because they have holes in them.

And while I can appreciate discovering a sense of femininity in traditional terms, I am very glad that I didn't grow up with it being expected at such a young age. While all women everywhere have faced a certain amount of pressure, my youth in the US was fairly mellow in comparison to Brazil. Thank goodness I have little boys because I don't know if this former Tomboy would be able to handle the expectations of female beauty that they have here at such a young age.

What were your experiences with this? Do the girls in your country feel pressure to be beautiful or feminine? 

Hot Brazilians for your Friday!

I was inundated with recommendations for Hot Brazilian Friday. And I LOVED every minute of it! If you have a crush on a hot or cute Brazilian, feel free to let me know. Nothing like mentally rating pictures of beautiful people to brighten up your day. 

There are no words to describe Anderson Dornelles except for maybe the fact that I am totally in love. He can be an ass if he wants to, he is officially hot enough to pull it off.  

And while I usually only do one picture each, Anderson's butt totally deserved a cameo! 

For the Lady lovers, I have Alinne Moraes. While she is absolutely gorgeous, she has nothing on Mr. Anderson up there!

4 Million More Women in Brazil than Men!

Photo by: http://www.moxiebird.com

The Brazil 2010 census is out people and it gave this Ranter some very important information!

There are 4 million more women than men in the country of Brazil! As for the state of Rio de Janeiro, there are 1 million more!

Houston we have a serious problem.

People say that Brazilian men cheat and can be chauvinistic.  Well wouldn't you be if you were the one in short supply and high demand. Hello, it's basic sexual/relationship economics. There are just far too many tacos to fill people.

Luckily for all of us I have the solutions to our problem. Yes, solutions because something as dire as this can not be fixed easily.

For starters, Brazilian men have got to stop bringing in foreign women. I know I fall under that umbrella but I have popped out 2 additional Brazilian men. I feel that they could possibly make up for my husband's actions.

Next we women have to start working Brazil in 2 year shifts. I will make a call to the US, Canadian, and British consulates and explain our situation.  We will divide ourselves into 3 groups and every 2 years you are required to travel for 2 years. Think of it as keeping the population new and fresh.

As for an effort to fix the problem, not just treat the symptoms of it, we are going to start a lesbian movement. Lesbians of Brazil it's time to step up your game. We women confuse easily, use it to your advantage and take one for the team.

Mr. Rant was kind enough to off another suggestion, that's what husbands are for after all. He suggests polygamy under the understanding that there must be an amiable relationship among the wives. While I appreciate his effort to help, I don't really think the women of Brazil can pull this one off.  Let's just say that there's an alpha dog situation among a woman and her maid, what the hell is going to happen with another wife?!

Lastly, and most drastically, the importation of men. I think this could be a big money maker for the right company but they have to work on their angle. Women in Brazil expect certain qualities in their men. To make things easier for these future business people, please refer to the chart on this post: Yes I'm Writing About Penises

This is going to be a group project people! If one of us drops the ball, everyone drops the ball. And I know that all of you want to hold the ball but please just wait your turn and you'll get your chance. We have a shortage on our hands! 

What Carioca Women Like?

Mr. Rant and I were joking around about our little city of love here in Rio de Janeiro. I mean, let's just be honest, no single person comes to Rio de Janeiro and doesn't hope to get laid.

So we came up with the perfect tourism logo for the citizens of Rio de Janeiro: Take one for the Team.  Are you single? Brazilian? Enjoy sex? Well, take one for the team. If you meat (pun intended) a lonely tourist cruising the streets in search of love, provide it.

Now the funny part is that I said that they already do. One thing Brazilians give out readily is the lovin'. My husband disagreed. As he put it, I'm a woman. I can/will find that kind of attention anywhere in the world.  And you know, I see his point.

Carioca women are not always the easiest creatures to get into a horizontal position, that is unless you are on the beach and they feel their ass is a bit white for summer.

What to do? Honestly, I can't tell you. I'm sure Mr. Rant has a few tips but, shockingly, he's hesitant to share them with his gringa wife.

This all came up after I told my husband about running into some single American men. No offense to the men of my country, but sometimes you lack a little of a thing I like to call "smooth game."  These 2 men had only managed to make out with women.

Considering it was Carnaval, that's like shaking hands any other time of the year. Kisses are exchanged like beer for money or urine to the toilet during that holiday.  And that can be confusing to some bright-eyed and bushy tailed tourists.

So my question is to those who know, what does the Carioca woman like? What qualities are attractive? What aren't?

Bra Science

For those of you non-bra wearers or males, finding the correct bra is a science. It's like the neuroscience of the breasts.  And finding one in Brazil is even more of a headache.

I had only just figured out bra science of the US. The whole cup and rip cage stuff. Imagine my surprise when I came down here and saw that bras were in one size and that was a 40, 44, or something like that.

What about the cup? Isn't the actual boulder holder part of the bra the most important? And there is no size for that?!  

I think that is why many women in Brazil suffer from the ever serious problem called Quad-boob.  As much as most of you males think that 4 boobs would look great. I mean, the more the merrier, right?

Wrong! It's like S&M of the breast, only no pleasure... not that I imagine S&M is pleasurable in and of itself.

These poor breast look like caged tigers trying to escape the circus.  It's a horrible tragedy, especially in the eyes of this small breasted woman.  If I had girls like that, they would be cupped and caressed by their bra, equally balanced between display and support.  

But this bra plight is not just with the large breasted Brazilian woman. The bra of the small breasted is even worse. We're talking fields and fields of cotton being used to fill the mounds they call cups.  They are so padded I can hardly fit my half sized girls in them.  And we can all tell it's all stuffing. I really don't feel comfortable walking around looking falsely aerodynamic.

Of course I could go into the fancy underwear shops in the mall. I did once. I had the same problems and I really didn't appreciate a R$200 price tag. The girls did, however, look fabulous. The stuffing is made of much better cotton in the fancy stores.  It was one of those bras that would make a guy pick a girl up in a bar and then wonder where her breasts went once he took her home. Gosh, that brings me back to my twenties...

Anyway, this girl has stopped her half-assed Brazilian bra hunt and judgments over quad-boob.  It's not their fault!  They are only a product of their bra surroundings.  Luckily, I get to go home and buy overpriced bras in my own country.  It's ok though, I'm willing to pay extra for the cup size and professional sizer.  A girl only gets one set of breasts, until she manages to save up to buy some new ones, so it's best to take care of them.

To Porn or Not to Porn

A lot of women have a problem with porn. I am not one of them.  Personally, I don't have an issue with my husband enjoying it.  You'd have to be delusional to believe a man who says, oh no, I really don't like porn.  Think about it. He's saying, oh no I really don't like watching naked women having sex...  Yeah, I don't believe them.

In my experience, Brazilian women have a tendency to be quite jealous about these kind of video friends.  One friend of mine exclaimed, why does he need porn when he has me!  That is the sentiment I, and my husband in the past, have gotten from most Brazilian women.

He's got me? Why does he need it?

First off, I do not look like that. Ohhhh, not even close.  Secondly, I will not do that, nor that, and I really don't even want to watch them doing that.  I'm a little curious about that other one but I wouldn't know where to get the equipment...

Anyway, my question is, is porn a deal breaker?  I'm living in a country where, apparently, 70% of husbands cheat, they sell porn next to kiddie magazines at the newsstands, and hookers are legal.  Yes, you can legally be a hooker here, just not a john.

I think the whole Brazilian my-husband-is-not-into-porn-but-real-women thing goes right along with the my husband doesn't cheat thing. If you insist hard enough on something, it must be true, right?

That being said, American men are FAR beating out (pun intended) the Brazilians when it comes to porn usage.  Maybe that's why I don't find my husband's healthy use a big deal. Not like the stuff is popping up all over the apartment and my son is asking me what a butt plug is.

It's one of those at it's time and place and within reason things.  I would not be ok if Mr. Rant was hopping off to the bathroom during babysitting duty to watch a little Anal Sex in the City and whack one off. Not ok.  But to do it at a grownup time, go for it. And it can't be an obsession.  It's not kosher to not be able to download pics from your trip to the beach because you or your spouse has just downloaded the new Big Bang Theory porn edition.

And let's be honest for a minute, we don't live in a squeaky clean entertainment world. As much as I love the dialog on True Blood, it's not the main reason I watch. Naked Eric is!  And I'm sure naked Sookie is making my husband just as happy.  We're people, we're curious, and everyone likes a little eye candy.  

So how about you? Are you ok with your spouse, loved one, significant other, cat, or whatever you call them watching the horizontal Olympics?  Why or why not?