An Unfortunate Meeting with Street Children

Sorry guys, no cutesy Easter post here. Today there was some action in Rio de Janeiro and it involved a little ranter you all know and love.

So it all started when I was heading home from Copacabana. The cab driver had stopped at a light when some crazy street kid started beating on the taxi windows and trying to open the door.

Of course the cab driver had locked the door once I was inside so no harm and no foul. I watched them walk back towards the sidewalk once the cars had started moving. That's when noticed three foreigners quickly walking by. Obviously they were going to be the next target of this group of rowdy street children.

I watched intently as we passed, not knowing what I would do if the kids tried something. That's when I realized that one of these "foreigners" is a close friend of mine! At this exact moment group of street children had somewhat taken them over.

I yelled to the driver to stop the car. I screamed "STOP THE CAR STOP THE CAR STOP THE CAR!"

Once we stopped I threw open the door and yelled my friend's name. She was standing in the middle of the first of 3 lanes of traffic trying to get a cab and get away. There were two kids sticking their hands into pockets and basically all over her trying to get anything they could. It was not a good situation.

Luckily my friend's friends heard me calling her name and got her attention. She turned and I yelled, in English, for them to get their ass in my cab.

Sounds like an easy save, right? Wrong. One of the older kids ran to the cab as well. She attempted to throw herself in after my friend. She looked straight at me and I could tell she was not all there. I don't know what this girl was on but it was something that caused crazy, or the accentuation of it. There was yelling and pushing and she finally vacated the vehicle.

Of course she did not go quietly and started slamming the door on the last entering gringa as she threw herself in.

Freaking bitch as kid, pardon my language, was forcefully slammed the door on the woman's leg and said Desculpa (sorry). It happened twice before we managed to get her in without getting a part of her slammed.  The doors were locked and we were off.

Crisis adverted.

As it turns out, this group had been following my friend and her group for a bit. They had passed the street children as they were sniffing glue on the street.

I guess we found the source of the crazy.

My friend had been looking for a way out as the street children had gotten quite aggressive and she had never experienced anything like it before.  I can tell you that I haven't either!

But everyone was ok and we had a laugh at how ironic it was that I happened to be passing by her in a cab at that exact moment. What were the odds that two people who live in two different neighborhoods of Zona Sul would bump into each other in a 3rd neighborhood in a situation like this? Random!

What upset me the most was that I was the only one that did stop. What the hell Rio de Janeiro! What gives!

Why I Blog

Picture by: http://streetanatomy.com/author/jenny/page/53/

I've danced around this question a couple of times. I always feel self-important talking about my blog. Oh yeah, I'm so cool that I need to write about my life and opinions so that the world can experience the glory of them.  It couldn't be further from the truth. It has nothing with ego, although it has helped pump mine up.

The reason I write is obvious, it's a great excuse to not exercise or do the dishes. Oh but I really need to post today!

Ok, not really.  The real reason I started to blog was to do something for myself. I live in Rio de Janeiro with my Brazilian husband and my kiddos. Moving here was for both practical and emotional reasons. Mr. Rant got a job, I had no healthcare, and we both really love Rio.  Honestly though, I wasn't in real love with Rio when I first moved here. It was puppy love. The real love only happened in time, once we got to know each others quirks and learned to accept them.

The fact of the matter was that my husband is happy in Rio de Janeiro. There is a spark missing when he's abroad, even during visits. The true Glory of Mr. Rant needs the Carioca spirit to fill him. Can you blame him?

Anyway, I had yet to have my thing here, even after all these years. Having the bambinos didn't help. While it's amazing and wonderful to have kids, it is a lot of giving.

So the blog is my thing. I do it for me. I talk about things that come up in my head that my 2 and 4 year olds do not want to discuss with me, much to my delight. If my boys had an opinion things like the statistic that 70% of Brazilian men cheat, I'd be quite alarmed.  I'll wait until they're at least 10 to bring that bad boy up.

The surprising part of blogging was all I gained. I'm not talking about wealth or fame because that is far from anything in my reality. I'm talking about these:

1. Friends. Blogger friends are amazing people who become quick friends after you read each other's thoughts and ideas. My Rio blogger friends have, more or less, become flesh and blood buddies who I've met on some occasions.  I've met people who can relate, understand, and actually care about what I have to say and vice versa. Priceless.

2. Inspiration. I have this forum to write and so I do. I had lost my will to write, something I used to do a lot of. Of course I'm not Shakespeare, but it's nice to do something I enjoy.

3. A New Perspective. I had stopped paying attention to the world around me. It was my every day, nothing special. That couldn't have been further from the truth.

4. My Voice back. Holy crap, I have something to say and it has nothing to do with Woody and Buzz or how to say Pickles in Portuguese. It's me saying things I normally say when I have a chance to talk to other grown ups. Awesome form of release.

5. A chance to share what I know. I know I rarely do this, it's more rants than facts, but I love answering people's question and, possibly, making a process that I had a bitch doing a bit easier for someone else. I've done the marrying a foreigner, moving, translating documents, marrying in Brazil, Green card applications, Brazilian visa extensions, Brazilian residency applications, Portuguese, and many more things I can't even think of. Hell, the accomplishment that made me the most excited was ordering food here for the first time by myself. And they understood and brought the right thing! So if there's something I could help you with, please let me know!

6. The fuzzy feeling that I get realizing that people actually like to read what I write. I get embarrassed by it because I find it so amazing that people want to!  I love it! And to get the emails/comments from you guys saying that I make you laugh just make my week. Not day, week!

7. The readers. I love you guys! I LOVE the comments you make on posts! I love it even more when my comment section turns into a debate. I swear, half the time the comment section is far more interesting than the freaking post! You guys rock. I have readers who really kick ass. That is a hell of a big compliment for me! By the way, I am not easily offended. Even if I get defensive in posts, I'm not offended. I have an open blog for people to share their opinions. Please do!

So I started writing my blog for me and now I also right for you guys. It's like a great blog sex with all the give and take going on here. Gold stars all around!

Now you tell me, why do you blog and/or read blogs? 

Inter-sexing

I have always been perplexed with the inter-sexing between my husband's group of friends. Oh wait, that sounds bad. The inter-sexing that happened before they all settled down.

Oh yes, the late teens/early 20s were good years in this group.  Per most young Carioca adults, they used to travel together to different places during holiday weekends.  The group ranged from 10 to 20 to 30 (big trips) people. And yes, they all slept with each other. No, not an orgy... or at least I've yet to hear that story. 

They were all friends, they all partied together, and if the mood struck people would pair off. So this is where it gets interesting. I know of at least 3 women that both my brother-in-law and husband have slept with... oh and another friend of theirs.  And that is basically how it is for the entire group, men and women alike.

So I asked my group class about it today. Had a bit of an awkward moment when I just blurted out "Do you all hook up with each other?" We had been talking about a trip a group of 8 friends are taking this weekend. Of course, my question wasn't very clear and they asked "The three of us?"

I'm not that blunt!  But it would be an interesting story, 2 girls and a guy, to say the least.  I clarified, no the group? 

Shocker, "Yes. It happens. We're all friends."

?

Is this common place here in Rio? YES! They said yes! Well thank goodness. I was starting to think that my husband and our friends were just a bunch of horny bastards. Ok, I still think that but at least everyone is. 

So where is the drama?  When Susy sleeps with Pedro casually and then Pedro ends up dating Susy's best friend Isabel, doesn't it get awkward?  I mean, when the girls get together to talk shop over drinks and Isabel talks about Pedro's obsession with anal, to which Susy confirms, isn't that weird?

Maybe I'm just a prude.  Maybe I'm just a drama queen.  Maybe it's both.  The class did confirm that there can be hidden drama.  Hidden being the key word. No one talks about it, it just floats around like a beer drinking elephant at all the parties. 

At the same time, this seems like a great way of having the sex you want without the risk, assuming people are careful and take the obvious tests. I may know Pedro well but I would still want him to go get that junk swabbed at the doctors before I would put it anywhere. 

And what if Susy really liked Pedro but was just playing it cool?  No no, I just want the sex too kind of game, which never works by the way. Well, I can't really say but I can't see the logic behind it.

What about you guys? Could you hang in this kind of group? Would you be the drama queen?  What about the Cariocas and Brazilians out there. Have you slept with a large majority of your friends?

Yes, I'm writing about Penises

I fell over laughing when I saw this ad for XXL condoms online.  Seriously, genius!

But it also got me thinking, which country has the biggest penis? If you ask any Brazilian man, they will say they are the biggest and/or have the most beautiful little men. That or they'll just offer to show you.

By the way, I do not recommend actually asking a Brazilian man unless they are securely tied down and you are out of the splash zone.  Making eye contact for over a half a second is practically an invitation for sex. If you say the word penis you may get attacked or their head will explode.

Sadly, (Mr. Rant I'm only saying that for blogging purposes), I don't have a lot of experience in Brazilian penis measuring.  Then again, this girl was so overjoyed that she married this one right away. I'm talking about the man, not the penis... ok, maybe both.

Now my single friends have had their fair share and, from what their gossip tells me, Brazilians rank right up there with the big boys.  I know what you are thinking, maybe they were exaggerating.  I'm sorry but here are four things you should know about women: 1. We are pretty honest when it comes to what our mate is packing, at least to our close girlfriends. 2. We are always honest about what a hook up is packing. 3. We have told all of our friends about both types.  4. If your wife/girlfriends say she has never talked about your package and or skills, she is lying.  By our second drink out with our friends, it's ALL we talk about.

So I decided to do some research and I found this chart. It was particularly difficult for me to read it at first. I'm American so I have never learned about other countries' flags. Hey, at least I know they have them!  Thank goodness for the source list.

I do have a problem with some of the numbers though. I'd like to first say, I am not racist. This is purely un-educated babble talking.

Anyway, I have an issue with the Lebanese measurement of 6.6 inches, .4 inches bigger than Brazilians and the same size as Ghana's 6.7.  Really? What measuring tape were you using?

As for the Congo's 7.1 inches, I expected more... Overall, the averages seem a bit small. I guess you could say I've been a lucky girl.

And, finally, can we send out a virtual hug to South Korea please.  Korea, don't worry, it's not the size of the boat. It's the motion of the ocean. I swear!

How realistic do you think this chart is? 

Leaving on a Jet Plane

This Momma is packing her bags! No, I am not fleeing the homestead for greener pastures. I'm going away for the weekend!

No kids - check
No husband - check
Girlfriends - check
Sweet hotel - double check

I like to play it super cool but I'm a bit control-freaked out about leaving my boys behind. I'm going to be depending on the Argentinian wine industry to keep me from turning the cab around and going back to the airport. Yes, I will be driving the cab.  And yes, I am that neurotic. 

Not really, I just actually enjoy the sleep deprivation and total lack of time to meander around.  I dig my boys, what can say.

But Momma needs some time away and the travel bug is biting. Of course taking a little flight to Buenos Aires and staying in a WAY chicer hotel than I'm used to doesn't really fit into my definition of travel. I may not be backpacking the world but I will wine and dine with some of my favorite lady friends. 

It's really a shame I don't swing the other way because this has the potential of being a very romantic trip.  That's ok.  I'll just have to settle for the best meat in the world (the kind on your plate people! I'm married!), great shopping, and my Reais actually beating out another currency! 

I can I get a WOOT WOOT on the Real finally being the bigger man!  1 to 2.3!  There may end up being some shopping done.  I can't promise anything, but it could happen. 

So I will, obviously, post before I leave tomorrow afternoon, but this is what is in my head right now.  Bag packed, airport transport planned, and big belly-sucking-in panties on.  Well, they are packed. Hey, that dress does not give me any wiggle room and I will finally have an opportunity to wear it.  Think of it as an old woman chastity belt. 

On Dancer! On Prancer!  To the airport we go!

Insert Foot Here

In the post Free Hug, I got all touchy feely about the Brazilian way of caring.  What can I say, it seems I've adapted after 4 years down here.

But there is a little bit of a backlash to that adaptation.  So let me ask you, what do you get when you take an ex-pat and evolve her into the Brazilian definition of caring? 

Answer: A very inappropriate ex-Pat indeed! 

The problem as an ex-Pat American is that I'm blunt.  Combine that with the Brazilian openness and you got yourself some foot in the mouth conversations. 

For example, it's not uncommon for your Mother-in-law to have mentioned to your husband's best friend that you have a bladder infection and then for him to ask you how that infection is going when you all meet up for beers.  Totally socially acceptable. 

Not acceptable is when I asked my husband's cousin why his wife hadn't come to the family lunch.  He was elusive, which is not normal down here and that should have been my hint to shut up. Of course I missed it and persisted, to which he announced their separation.  Ouch!

Of course there were no hard feelings.  Got to love the forgive and forget attitude down here! Of course, I think our friends and family really all remember and just think, 'oh that Rachel, putting her foot in her mouth again.'

You know, as long as my awkwardness is openly accepted and we all have a laugh.

Rio de Janeiro = Random News Friends

One of the things I love the most about living abroad are the friends you make. There´s a different method of friend making when you are outside your own country.  Away from home, I find you are far more open about who to befriend. 

This becomes especially true with fellow foreigners.  We may speak the native language but it´s never quite the same thing as talking to another speaker of your own native language.  To find foreigner friends is one thing.  To find foreigner friends who actually LIVE in Rio de Janeiro is another.

That´s where the openness comes from. The pool is shallow people and we can not be picky. I´m not saying we are friend whores, by any means, but we are far more open to meet up with random other people than we would normally be at home. 

While that may sound desperate for those not in the situation, it´s actually quite the opposite. I currently have a very interesting group of friends. They are starting to inspire me to try new things, heaven forbid.

So I my group consists of a group joiner, fitness fan, yogi, health food expert, dieter, partier, holistic health enthusiast, blogger and many more. 

I also have my English students who fit into the randomness of my social circle. Yes, English teaching is work but once you become a conversation teacher, you start knowing the student.  Think about it. How often do you get to meet up with your bestie and have an hour long conversation without interruption. It´s rare.  I do that with my student weekly, thus, getting to know them very well. 

Basically I´ve found that living in Rio de Janeiro has opened me.  It helps that my husband is Brazilian. That gave me my Brazilian based friends.

Later, I adjusted my man skills to pick up foreigner friends. Oh yes, it takes skills to pick up random foreigners on the street. We are like deers, unless we´ve had contact with others, we scare easily. 

So for those of you who are newbies or are considering a move, don´t worry.  You will find your people.  It may... ok, it will take time and patience.  But it will happen and the journey makes it all the more worthwhile.  Stick to it, create your life here, the friends will come. 

Friend Envy

Do you ever suffer from friend envy? I was reading a fellow blogger's post on it the other day and it got me thinking.

There are tough moments in my day when I imagine how it is to be someone else. Those special moments when you are looking at your account balance or both your kids are throwing fits at the same time.  Those special moments make me think of certain friends.


One friend in particular lives her life in a 5 star hotel. She travels the world, eats amazing cuisine, and drinks the finest wines. She has a view of the beach and a tv room. Oh the glory!  She never has to be pee-ed on or pooped on. She has never been woken 300 times in a night.  She doesn't have to schedule her day around naps, schools, or bedtimes.  She has total freedom.

On the other hand, she has never felt the feeling of absolute comfort a child gets when their Mommy walks into a room. She's never been the only thing that makes a little one feel better when they are sick, or the one they want to show their newest drawing to.  She doesn't get to take or demand snuggles.  She can't refer to them as mine.  And she has total freedom.

I miss it, I do, but total freedom has a cost. You have to fill that freedom.  You have to find things to do with you time. I remember being bored.  Wow, that's a concept I can't even imagine at this point. I'd pay a babysitter just to feel bored, except I'd end up organizing, doing laundry, or running to the store. 

I'd love to be able to spend diaper money on something else. Keep in mind, diapers cost a pretty penny down here.  Then again, if I didn't have to buy diapers, I wouldn't have a little toosh to wrap up.  It's amazing that we can find those little tooshes so cute after seeing everything that comes out of them. I mean EVERYTHING. 

So I guess you could say I don't really have friend envy. I have friend appreciation. I really do appreciate all the fun things my friends get to do.  I get a healthy jealousy when I hear a friend is going to Italy or Spain, Chile or Australia. I am, honestly, at my highest level of maturity in my life thus far to be able to be stoked for my friends and slightly jealous because I'm so stoked for my friends. 

They also share with me. My wonderful childless friends meet up with me at a whim, when I have a babysitter or when I'm not too exhausted to go out.  They come over or have my whole family over and play with my kids for hours. They don't even flinch if something is broken.  My 5 star friend lets me sit on her balcony, enjoy her view, and drink her wine whenever I want.  I have wonderful childless friends.  

And when the going gets tough, and I mean really tough, aka. ear infection, staph infection, husband traveling, and period all at the same time, I remember that it's going to be one hell of a post eventually.