Saying Goodbye

The ugly part of being an expat is the goodbyes. You become an expert in saying them, accepting them, and muffling the cries in an airplane pillow.  It just becomes a fact of life.

So where does that get us?  Personally, I`ve gotten to the point where I can almost convince myself that I am not upset.  The force is strong in this girl.  You see, I don't want to live "home" anymore.  That part of me is so little it gets drowned in the semi-occasional Brazilian beers, though that does not mean that I miss my people at "home" any less.

Tomorrow is Mom's last day in Rio. I have to say, we've had a LONG trip together this time around. 7 weeks at her place and 3 at mine is enough for most.  I am ready to get on with my day to day life as normal, and I say that with a sigh.

It's true that you can't live in this vacation mode forever. It's exhausting to entertain and enjoy the city with even the mellowest of visitors.  But there's also the 'it's over' factor.

This visit is done.  The togetherness was wonderful and we definitely didn't skimp on it this time around. It's time for the simple dynamic of the boys, Mr. Rant, and I. We need to get back to our norm, our friends, and our play dates.  Part of me actually looks forward to it.  Sorry, but I enjoy Mr. Rant walking around in his boxers.  Call me crazy, but that's just not Mom visiting appropriate.

But my parents don't live down the street. We live so far that they can't even splurge on a weekend visit.  So my Mother leaving means another year apart. It means my youngest will be 3 and my oldest will be 5 the next time she and my Father see them.  My parents will come and they will meet different little boys.

Sure we do skype, email, and do phone calls. Boxes, photos, and videos on facebook are a regular part of life.  We are as virtually connected as the world can possibly stand.  But it's not the same as "Your Mother just called. They are coming over... again."  You just can't fit enough annoying in a vacation, even 2 months of it, to make the other 10 go by fast enough.

So I will bust out my steady chin again tomorrow.  Mom will sob like a small child. She's done steady chin enough.  She deserves the cries.  Then I will go back into my small Brazilian apartment and see her gone. I will go to her room the next morning and see that she is still not there.  I will shed an over dramatic tear as I am now. And I will go on.

On a cup half full note, her leaving does seem to make my small and cluttered Brazilian apartment look that much bigger and emptier. But that's just like her, coming in and fixing things up so that they are that more comfortable for me after she has left.

She's a Mom like that.

And I'm really going to miss her.