A friend of mine reconnected with her ex. It was the pink elephant in the international chat room every time we exchanged instant messages.
It got me thinking about relationships. There's a part in the whole dating scene that doesn't seem to fit in with marriage.
You see, we are now being taught to see if our habits combine. Is living together annoying?
I didn't have that option. Anyone who has read my 'How I Got Here' tab knows that it was a fast union. But there is a benefit to that. You fall in love with the person, the actual person. You don't get a chance to find out if this or that habit is annoying. There is no separation due to the way one chews food. You are already there.
Obviously, there can be a big backlash from it but if you look at it in the right light, it is brilliant. Let me ask you this, who goes to the restaurant for the appetizers over the main course? You never hear "The truffles and filet minion are amazing but the cheese platter sucks!"
That's what happens when you marry fast in life. I married the main course. Obviously, there are more than a few etcetera that I could do without. I'm sure Mr. Rant would say the same but he is obviously lying because I am as perfect as a Rio de Janeiro summer.
Seriously though, when you meet that someone, the etceteras almost come off as charming at first. They definitely become annoying later but the main course is so rewarding that you let it go.
And that is marriage. It's the thing people just don't talk about it. A lot of a successful marriage is letting things go. You let go ridiculous of the hobbies or stupid collections that annoy you. You let your spouse have that stupidly irresponsible friend that always gets them into a little bit of innocent trouble. Why? Because a part of your spouse needs it.
When you love the base, you get the whole. You realize the flexibility in who a person is. You love them for it because that flexibility is what adapts to the needs you have. You two work together. Did I just say it? Oh yes I did! You become a team.
It took me a long time to learn that. A failed long term relationship and a couple of attempts at getting there showed me my lack of understanding.
That is why, when this friend wouldn't say she was back with the ex, I asked. I asked her about it and I asked if she was happy. I quickly followed that with the fact that I am happy for her. And I am! If she is happy, if this is what she wants, I will be cheering for it 110% of the way.
Unfortunately, the rules of relationships are different these days. The moment it is hard is the moment you can break it off. If this didn't work out, you have to watch out for yourself.
But I ask you this, if you are always watching out for yourself, who is watching out for your loved ones? If your loved ones are always watching out for themselves, who is watching out for you? You see, the equation doesn't quite work. You have to give to receive and to give you have to take a chance.
The thing is that in a good relationship the person will still be there when it's not in their favor. Why? Because they love you. No other reason. No other reason necessary.
I know this may be an old fashioned to think this way. I've kind of already accepted that I am old anyway. But there is some logic behind it.