Sunday, July 24, 2011

Stream of Consciousness Sunday: Weight

Today I read Fadra's Stream of Conscientiousness post and it hit a cord. It was about feeling fat, gaining weight, and what that means to us individually. Actually, she felt the need to defend her fatness.

In her defense she is petite and gaining 10 pounds to her is one thing, to me it's another. I am not petite. I am quite tall as a matter of fact. I can gain 10 pounds gracefully to all those around me. To me I see it in my ass, stomach, and everywhere else we women see our weight gain.

But that isn't my point. My point is that I am 20 pounds over my "ideal" weight. That translates to my pre-babies weight. I put a lot of weight on with both boys and can't naturally return to the weight of my early 20s without a rigorous diet and exercise.

I actually tried to do those two thing. I even kept a food diary. I felt the need to be what I was. The thing is, I'm nowhere close to what I was physically, mentally, or emotionally. Why should my weight be the same thing?

For me it came down to what is attractive. I thought I was more attractive before. I mean, someone once told me I was model sexy. Of course a close friend also told me I was near scary skinny. I guess perception is a big key.

Something simple happened though one evening with friends. I ran into an old Brazilian friend who I used to hang out with pre-kiddos. I made a comment about the changed body. She replied without thinking "You had no body then." Of course she back peddled and I stopped her. I didn't have a body. I was a hanger for clothing.

I am skinny. It's the genetic gene pool that I am swimming in. I will never fill in a cleavage shirt. I can't pull off booty shorts as no matter what weight I gain I have no freaking booty. And I will always be taller than half of the Brazilian male population that is older than me. There just isn't much I can do about that.

Here's the thing though, I don't care anymore. At this point, I almost feel sorry for the younger group. You see, when you get past 30s and meet a slightly (slightly) more mature crowd, body starts to even out with other qualities. That and womanliness isn't such a bad thing.

So for now I will enjoy my more open hips, fuller legs, and softer stomach. I look like a healthy woman who has brought life into this world. Call me an old lady romantic but I can't think of anything sexier! If you can, thank goodness you aren't the person I'm sharing my bed with!

This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…

Set a timer and write for 5 minutes only.
Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post.
Link up your post below.
Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.


  1. I think it's also a giant step in the right direction (let's call it maturity!) when you can just simply accept yourself and not compare yourself to others, or worse, an old version of youself.

    Singing to the choir, sista!

  2. It's good to feel comfortable in your own skin.

    But if you change your mind I've got some oxi and heroin for sale. It's effortless and keeps your hip bones sticking out further than Florida does from the rest of the USA.

  3. Love it! I don't think its what you look like, its how you feel. You can be skinny and so unhealthy! Have a great week

  4. Rachel, you're beautiful...and you ARE THIN and gorgeous! Enjoy it! Celebrate it!

  5. I second Stephanie! I can't believe how amazing you look, especially after you've had 2 kids. But Good Girl Gone Green has a Great point: health is important, too. Do you think you're healthier now? :) :) :)

  6. Thanks Linds!

    Alex, I think Amy showed us that there may be better ways to keep slim.

    Ladies, I do feel great! I think that if I ever got a full nights sleep I would be able to tell if I was healthier ;)

    Thanks Steph and Danielle! I'm still thin, not saying that I'm not. But my body has changed dramatically. I'm standing up against trying to make it something it no longer relates to!

  7. I have never met you personally but I think u look great!
    You look better now than in those older pics u have posted before...

  8. Rachel,

    If your body changed dramatically, it definitely changed for the better, because you look GREAT! You are beautiful! :)


  9. Great Post! I go through this stuff in waves and its hard sometimes because a lot is changing and I have yet to have children but I hold on to the hope that it is what you describe and at some point you cross a line and it just doesn't matter anymore. For now though, I'm still stuck somewhere between denial and acceptance!

  10. True Rachel, there are better not eating, purging and taking laxatives.

    But don't worry you don't need it! You look great and are beau-chi-ful!

  11. Don't worry Jana, it'll happen. Having the kids just forced it along a bit ;)

    Alex, Thanks sweets!

  12. To mature gracefully one must be adaptable to everchanging circumstances that tend to appear somewhat faster after a while and do all this without losing the ability of using a descriptive phrase including a term like "brain dump" when appropriate.Love it.
    Keep on rockin' girl.

  13. I won't wear a bikini nor do I have any ambitions to. I spent one summer where I felt comfortable enough to wear a 2 piece swimsuit. But never wearing one again? I'm okay with that. My overall size is bigger. The fat pools in different areas. I can accept that and live with that. But when I look in the mirror an see laziness and someone that doesn't care, that's when I know things need to change.