The Carioca Driver

I took my youngest in to get a booster shot at the pediatrician today. Yes, I vaccinate my children. I also happen to live in a country that has a Meningitis season.

Anyway, my pediatrician had just gotten back from the states and had a gripe to share with me.

Apparently he got a $165 ticket. He was horrified. Him and his family were driving around Orlando and he didn't realize that his turn was coming. Being the Carioca he is, he went ahead and turned right while in the second lane because otherwise he would have missed it.

He was actually surprised that the police officer wouldn't let him explain. "I was lost. I tried to tell him that but he didn't seem to care. He didn't even give me a chance!"

I almost felt sorry for him at that point. I told him that in my country rules are rules. The police officer really didn't care why you did it. You were supposed to have taken the next right and double back.

You should have seen the eyebrow raise on that one. What? Double back? I think most Cariocas would rather wait until things are all clear and drive half a block in the wrong direction down a small one-way street just because it was a tad quicker.

Then I told him that I miss that driving in Rio. You know, rules and organization. By the look on his face I think he just may think I'm insane. 

He then informed me that he had almost bought a GPS but decided against it because it was $150 and he wouldn't need it in Rio. I just laughed. To think, he could have saved himself $15 and walked away with something.

Ping Pong with the Risk of Losing an Eye

A rainy day in Rio de Janeiro is like the Grand Prix with obstacles.

There is the foot traffic. All Cariocas are out with their umbrellas, even if it not technically raining in the opinion of us foreigners. If it had rained at one point in the day and no sun is out, there is a Carioca with an umbrella.

There are also sects of umbrella people. You have the group that are willing to spend more than R$10 for rain protection and the group that only buy from the carmelo (illegal stands) for R$10 or R$5 depending on durability and design. The tackier the umbrella the more expensive it is, don't even ask about the ones with the hooked handles. It's all about fashion in this city.

The thing is that the cheap ones break. There comes a point in your Rio de Janeiro life where you say "Fuck it" and use the freaking broken Umbrella. It really only rains a fraction of the time here and you just can't be bothered to waste any more coconut water money on another ugly umbrella. That is why you find the broken umbrella people. They are the ones walking around with the metal umbrella frames sticking out, threatening to attack anyone not paying attention .

Seriously, it's like ping pong with the risk of losing an eye. Since I'm about height level with most Brazilians' umbrellas I actually prefer to go out in the rain with my glasses. While raindrops are a put out, I consider protective eyewear a smart choice.

So take any given rainy day in Rio de Janeiro. You come out to go to the store or take your kids to the store and you are faced with many things. For starters there's the incredable traffic. Secondly there's the bad drivers mixed in with the bad drivers who don't normally drive (it's raining so they bust out the car to go tot work). Add in the assholes (about 90% of the above mentioned drivers) and you have yourself a lot of hellish traffic.

Then you add in the umbrella people. They come big and small. Yes, people let their obnoxious children attempt to walk around a busy city with an umbrella that is twice their size. I think it's quite obvious to say I'm not in that group but I would like to point out that their children are normally wearing raincoats anyway as children under 10 yrs old can't seem to use an umbrella for it's actual function. It's more like an annoying kite.

All in all I go out in the rain in Rio ready for war. It's me against the cars, motorcycles, broken umbrellas, and obnoxious toddlers who don't belong to me. With this comes an understanding of time. When in Rio de Janeiro, leave a half an hour early when it's raining people.

Oh and for all of you who think that you'll just call a cab, yeah like I'm that stupid! Good luck. If it is actually raining, instead of spit style spinkles, there will not be a taxi in sight. You may get lucky but I prefer to be realistic. Glasses, wellies (for the Brits), and my good umbrella. With the kids it's wellies and raincoats.

If you can, just stay at home with a good book and some Brazilian coffee.

You'd think a tropical country would be more prepared for rain, wouldn't you.

Carioca Drivers and Roads...

Driving in Rio de Janeiro has always been an entertaining sport, to say the least. While I'm not a huge fan of doing it, I will when I need to.

What always makes me laugh are the lack of lanes in some parts of the city. Seriously, the paint has worn off or something and the government decided it was a waste of money to paint them again. Let's be honest, they really are only a suggestion to the Carioca driver.

They have their reasons though. First off, they have to dodge taxis and motorcycles. After that there are the people illegally stopped in the left hand lane for some reason or another. Personally, I think those people are asses but that's another story.

It's just amazing how causal they are in Rio de Janeiro about driving rules. I remember when the government paved the main road out to the international aiport Galeão and there were no lanes. It was what would be 4 lanes of highway as one big piece of concrete. And you know what, it worked out better. Traffic flowed as smooth as butter.

You really can't blame the Cariocas though. They are such mellow and flowy types of people that they just can't be made to color within the lines.

So next time you drive in Rio de Janeiro, don't think of the street madness as that. I like to think of myself as part of a school of fish, swirling and flipping around with my fellow fish friends. Yes it's super lame but it helps keep me flipping at them in another form.