Montezuma Strikes Again

My Mother is officially on her Brazilian vacation.  I bet you are wondering, if she's been here for 4 days, how is she only official now.

Well, the answer to that is easy. Montezuma has visited her.  I don't know what it is with my Mother and Brazil, but shortly upon entering her bowels enter into an automatic cleanse.  It's quite humorous as we know, within days of landing, we will be hanging near the house. It happens every trip.

I sometimes try to figure out why.  Maybe it's a little bug that enjoys the company of her insides. Maybe she is drinking tap water as a nonverbal move of rebellion.  Or, quite possibly, we really have to stop eating all that Arabic food.  Whatever it is, it does not help hydration.

Personally, my body has never reacted to Brazil in that way.  I have found that Brazil creates a very regular and beautiful digestive routine for this body. On the other hand, it did take me a while to get used to all the beans. Let's just put it this way, you did not want to stand down wind of this charming little lady.  Then again, unbeknownst to my internet friends, hot air is not only escaping out of the mouth of this girl.

Ah well, we can't have it all.  I think I'm cute enough to pull off a little gas. Mr Rant, wouldn't you say so? 

I'm Montezuma's Bitch

I dare you to remember one of my first posts. It was a super bitchy post about how I had to share my Mother's Day with everyone in Rio de Janeiro.

Well, I thanked God for that custom yesterday, Brazilian Father's Day. 

Montezuma came to visit me and made me his bitch!  I don't know if you can really call it Montezuma's revenge seeing that I've been living in the country for years, but for lack of better terms, it was that. 

I was bed ridden. I can only remember once since the birth of my oldest, that I've been sick enough to be bed ridden, and it wasn't this bad. 

My poor husband had to not only be a father on father's day but a mother. And he rocked!  He took the kids out on bike rides, took them to the family events, made them dinner, bathed them, and put them to bed. 

At the same time he listened to my moans and groans with only a little bit of criticism.  I was being a big pain in the ass.  In my defense, my skin was on fire but I was freezing.  I had a horrible headache and cramps that could take out any PMS cramps.  Not to mention I was in the bathroom every 20 minutes.  Not fun for anyone involved. 

I still can't figure out where I got it from.  Seems like food poisoning since I'm fine now.  It started about 8am yesterday morning and now, 8pm, I'm only exhausted. No other symptoms.  Either it's a freak virus or I ate something.

That last one is hard to believe. I've eaten sketchy shrimp on the beach, even sketchier oysters on the beach, and basically anything else they sell on the beach down here. I eat from every single street vendor on a semi-regular basis. The funny this is that these past couple of months, I haven't been. I ate breakfast at Jardim Botanicos and sushi for lunch at a place next to our apartment. And that's it!  My husband shared my meal at both places and is fine. 

Maybe it's the wine!!! No no, alcohol kills everything.  Maybe I should go have a glass...