The Brazilian Marriage

Marriage in Brazil is an interesting thing. No, I'm not saying we are exchanging partners down here or anything like that, except that is exactly what is happening.

For a Catholic country, the new generation is surprisingly open to separating from spouses and trying to find new ones. Of course, that's if they are officially spouses in the first place. As I explained to a foreigner friend, Brazilians (at least Cariocas) feel no pressure to marry. Living together is marriage enough.

These observations of mine were confirmed in the latest issue of Istoé. Apparently the number of marriages in Brazil has gone up 28%, separations have increased by 43%s and the total number of remarriages has doubled  from 65,000 to 136,000 between the years 2000 and 2009.

So down here we are breaking up, making out, and remarrying! It kind of suits the culture, don't you think? I will say it's better than the old days of just cheating on your wife/husband. Of course the Sex Motel industry may be feeling it. Who am I kidding? If there is anything a Brazilian loves more than falling in love, it's having sex!

And that is exactly what it is. Brazilians love to fall in love (and have sex). Even the Playboys who are just trying to get laid get a kick out of that special someone who keeps them guessing. If that happens, they just may take the plunge and move in with them. Should that work out, they could quite possibly marry them after a few years. Or not.

Many of my closest Brazilian friends wear the rings but don't have the papers. Not to mention that quite of few of them are on their second or third "marriages." I say "marriages" because most of them weren't actually married but just living together. Down here people don't play semantics with relationships. If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and lives with you then you are married to the freaking duck.

What do you think? Is living with someone the same thing as marriage? Should separations and remarrying be so socially acceptable?

And When the Whirlwind Romance Doesn't Last?

When we read about cross cultural relationships and the relocations that follow, we think all about the love. The story of the chase, the move, and the adaptation are just so romantic and interesting. 

We rarely stop to think about what happens when things don't work out. Oh, don't get all excited. Mr. Rant is not on the market. We said til death do us part and if it comes down to that it'll be his. 

So what happens to us foreigners when the relationship that caused us to move in the first place goes down in flames? I bet you all think I'm going to get sentimental. Come on, I'm American. I'm going to get legal! 

After exchanging some emails with a lawyer friend, and reaffirming her that I'm not about to leave my husband, I found out some details. 

We get jack!  Well, you can't say exactly that.  For starters, it depends on the type of marriage contract you entered into here in Brazil. Are you  universal, partial or 100% separated? Mr. Rant and I went universal as we had nothing so it really didn't even need to be discussed. The newbie love and lack of belongings made the decisions easy. I was, however, worried about the security of my Havaiana collection until I realized he has bigger feet. 

From there we go into work and independence. If you are a stay at home Momma who makes next to nothing, you usually get 30% of your husband's income. Of course this is all situation based. If you are young like myself, this will be limited and you'll be told to find a job. Oh the humanity! 

If you are an independent and working woman, you get your own paycheck.  Children will open you up to a bit of child support. Of course, as a woman, if children are involved you usually get to keep the homestead. Primary custody usually goes to the Mother but that can be discussed and if the children are 12 years or over they can voice their opinion. 

Now all of this varies on how much the husband makes and/or can afford, the situation of the household, the wife's income, and the phases of the moon. 

Seriously, this is a very fair system. I'm starting to understand why it takes so damn long to get your case heard in court! They actually figure stuff out down here. 

Of course, as a Mother, I will say that it does not matter how much a husband can afford to give when it comes to child support. If there are children involved they should get enough to keep their lifestyle. The Mother and Father can live on Top Ramen and black beans if money is an issue. 

So there you have it. A rational system that takes time to run.  

Emotionally, that's a whole new ballgame. Personally, I wouldn't leave Rio de Janeiro. This is my home, and more importantly, the home of my boys. Their Father is here.  Then again, I'm not in that situation and single Motherhood anywhere, but especially here, is not easy. Props to all the single Mothers out there!

What would you do?