A Tale of Acceptance...?

I read an interesting article in the November 15th issue of People. It's called 'A Tale of Acceptance'.

To sum it up, it's about a boy who likes to dress up like a princess. Oh yes, the bigger the tutu the happier the boy.  And his parents ROCK.  After some discussion, they decided to let the boy do what he wants.  Not to push him.  The Mom even wrote a book called My Princess Boy in attempts to quell the backlash of him expressing himself.  It's getting around the school system, thank goodness.

You see, I'm a big believer in Sass. I think if more people had it, the world would be a better place. Sass is something that makes you be who you are with force. You say things, even if it's a no go. You dance even if you are the only one that thinks your singing is danceable (happens to me a lot).  And you wear a freakin' big ass, glittery tutu if it makes you feel good.

I'd like to think kids are not cruel. I know we all say they are but, ideally, they don't come that way. They are like rottweilers. They look a little scary and have the tendency to be little bitches.  But they only really turn if you raise/train them that way. A rottie raised in a good home is as sweet as a golden, maybe a tad bit more protective... normally.

Not shockingly, there has been quite a bit of debate about this book and the parents' position on the subject. From Current.com: Online radio blogger Lashaun Turner, the 46-year-old mother of three grown children (including two boys) in Riverside, Calif., was taken aback by Kilodavis tracing Dyson's fashion sense to age 2. "I mean it's just crazy. Your 2-year-old is picking out pink colors and wanting to wear pink dresses and so therefore you start buying him dresses? I mean a 2-year-old has not a clue as to whether they're boy, girl, fruit, vegetable or a rock."

So what would you do?  In the time of the ultra-sensitive parenting movement, do you smash his dreams of pink and ribbons to smithereens?  Or is it not smashing at all, only guidance towards social norm?

Personally, I cut my oldest off from nail polish at 3 years old. Dude, we live in Brazil. It was attracting attention at the park that was upsetting and mean from parents and kids alike. Amazing how parents are so quick to judge.  There are plenty of kids at the park with whom I'd like to loudly say, 'Wow, that kids is a douche and has small man's complex at 6!' but I hold my tongue. I feel that is the thin line that separates kids and adults.

And you know what, I was made fun of A LOT in school. I was even in our middle school slam book.  I was voted flattest girl in school.  I'd like to thank my genes. Without them, I never could have been so flat chested.  The vests I insisted on wearing really didn't help the situation.  I was so before my time. 

My mother never tried to help me be more accepted.  I like her thank her for that regularly. She was very, you are who you are and if they are your friends, they will accept you.

That's awesome. It really is. Sadly, in the 7th great, I apparently had no friends. 

At the same time, look at yourself.  We all have had our moments and we all have our things. Some of you are really into feet, you know, in a kind of scary way.  Some of you like to stand right next to the only other person in the elevator.  Many of you use food items in a very non-edible way.  We're weird people. Every single one of us. Just think about it.

And I know we try to "protect" our kids but maybe, sometimes, we raise them when they just need to be left to their own devices.

In an ideal world, home should be a shelter away from the bullshit.  Check your roof, does it have bullshit leaks? 

At the same time, the world is a tough place.  So what would you do?  Would you guide your son towards overalls and boots?  Would you limit sparkles to the house?  Would you bedazzle his basketball shorts if that's what made him happy?  What are your thoughts on the discussion?

And a secondary question: What makes you weird? Oh come on, I know you have something!

Boys who play with Dolls

I was cruising the park scene this afternoon when I was approached by 3 college students with a video camera.  Their target was found and they approached. 

They asked if they could ask me a question. Sure, why not.  Then they qualified and asked if they could ask me a question and then film my response. Ok.  They turned on the camera first and got ready to ask.  For one second, I thought they were going to ask me something dirty or do something just to shock me on camera.  Then I remembered, it's me.  It'd have to be pretty damn good to get a reaction. 

"Can boys play with dolls?"  That was it?!  Of course they can!  I told them my son even has a princess castle set.  Oh yes, Little People pink princess castle courtesy of his Nana Kay. 

They were very pleased with my response. 

I don't get the big deal. I don't see a problem with my son playing with dolls. I see no big deal in Shiloh Jolie Pitt dressing like a boy.  I don't see the an issue in children playing with everything, including gender identity. It's not just normal, it's healthy. 

My son wants to be either a robot or Spiderman. He thinks his bruises from playing on the playground are the beginning of his Spiderman transformation.   If enjoying toys labeled for the other sex is questionable, then thinking you are slowly changing into a make believe superhero is crazy. Oh wait, it's not because Superheros are a boy thing.  Duh.

It's a load of crap and, of course, you get even more of it in Brazil.  My son also used to like to have his toe nails painted.  Of course blue or red, something related to Spiderman. Aren't we all surprised.  I saw no problem with it and ignored my husband's protests until we had a little incident at the park. Thankfully Luka was too little to get it but a group of older boys, around 4 yrs old and he was 2 1/2, were following him around pointing and laughing. He didn't get it. I told him they thought he was funny and I stopped painting his toes. 

The next time he asked, I had to explain that certain things are for girls and certain things are for boys. It was a conversation that made me kind of sad.  I felt like I was telling him, here's your box and you have to live in it. Enjoy!  But I feel that it was the lesser of two evils.  Kids are mean.  In his class, him playing house with his friends is ok but a boy with painted nails is not.

But part of me wonders, where's this coming from. My kid had no idea about societal standards of his masculinity at 3 years old. Wonder how it came about in the other kids...

And the machismo machine lives on. 

Thoughts? Do you steer your kid towards gender specific toys or let them choose for themselves? Would you be ok if your son wanted pink shoes or your daughter wanted to cut all her hair off?