Even the crazies are helpful in Rio de Janeiro

My boys and I went on a supermarket run to the Zona Sul this morning.

We were waiting for the light to change to cross the street when a totally crazy bum walked up to us.  He had noticed my youngest's super blond hair and then became intrigued with both boys.

Fair enough, he seemed crazy but not dangerous. He came up and said hello to the boys while keeping a respectful distance.  This kind of thing doesn't really bother me as long as the crazies respect our space. Bums are people too and it's good for my boys to learn to be polite to everyone.

Well, Crazy, as I'm going to refer to him, saw that we were waiting to cross and decided to take it upon himself to stop traffic for us. I said no no, really you don't need to. He disagreed. Luka called to him and told him that he couldn't go into the street until the light was red. 

Crazy thought that was really funny and turned to Luka every few seconds just to say, It's ok Ref, It's ok. 

So cars are zooming around him as he is enthusiastically putting up the international hand signal for stop.  Funny thing about Carioca drivers is that they are used to this kind of thing and can swerve around people without even slowing down.  I don't know how, but after a couple of minutes he actually managed to stop traffic. 

I didn't know what to do. Should you encourage Crazy? He was only trying to help. I hesitated and he told us "quick quick. Go go.  It's ok Ref".  You can't fight Crazy with logic so I crossed just to get him out from the middle of the street.  The light changed the moment we were on the other side. 

At the very least, the people J walking down the street got a big kick out of it.  I guess the good samaritan bum isn't something you see every day here. 

Rice, the Original Brazilian Wife

If you had asked me 8 years ago if rice made the world go round, I would have said no. Rice? Sure it's good stuff but I hardly eat it.

Oh how Rachel's life has changed.  I moved to Brazil and realized that rice was my husband's first and, very attached, wife.

Rice and I are on a first named basis now. I spend at least 30 minutes with her twice a day.  I wash her, season her, and cook her.  Heaven forbid we don't have any made in the house.  It'll be mutiny.

I'm just amazed by the power of this carbohydrate. My husband will complain at virtually every meal I make without rice.  Even lasagna needs rice on the side.

And I have to say, my children are being raised the in the same manner.  No matter the situation, I can always get some rice in them. 

So rice, it was a little touch and go in the beginning.  But now, I think, we'll have a beautiful and lifelong friendship.

International Mom tips for the new Mom

My husband's cousin is having a baby the middle of August. As a part of her baby shower, her friends are asking for tips from friends and family to give her as a surprise. The kicker is that she is Brazilian living in Australia.  Her Mother asked me to participate because I'm also an international Mother and family member.  I started writing and found these tips kind of funny. I thought I'd share. I'd also love it if you'd add to the list!  

International Mom tips:

You may feel like you are so ready for your parents to go home after the birth. It's been months for goodness sake and it's time for you and your new family to get into it's own rhythm.  That's true and it's all well and good but be prepared. You will cry. Those damn pregnancy hormones. I was never one to cry for my Mommy but I sure did when she left me alone with a tiny baby. And it lasted for about the first year.  It's ok.  Once you have one, you get your Mom better and it just makes you all the more attached. 

It gets easier every time your family leaves or you leave them. Keep in mind it works progressively so it's pretty hard in the beginning.

Get your baby a passport and use it. Don't be nervous but be prepared. Kids will travel as calmly as the parents let them. If you aren't nervous, they won't be.

You don't need to bring every baby gadget you have when you visit Rio.  We have man power to replace the technology. 

Don't expect your baby to ever be put down when you are visiting your family.  Especially when you are visiting YOUR family!  So many people and everyone will want a turn with the little one.

Only speak in Portuguese to your kid.  English will be a given. It is a part of every day life.  Portuguese will be the exception. Make your home a Portuguese one.

Have your Mom/Dad/Friends bring you all the cool cartoons in Portuguese. Yes, Baby Einstein and Backyardagians are available. 

Have your own traditions and bring your culture there.  My boys have an American Christmas Morning with breakfast, presents, and stockings.  I don't care if they were up partying until 1am and have a lunch later in the day.  They don't either.  It's our tradition and we love it.

Find a good international phone card or long distance carrier.  It makes it a lot easier to call Mom at 4am to ask about the mucus poop diaper, when you know it's not costing you upwards of $1000.  I know you'll have a pediatrician but they aren't your mother.

Here are some regular Mom tips:

Sunday brunch with friends is a great way to see other people and still be in a kid friendly environment. Make it a pot luck and have everyone take turns having it at their place. 

A bedtime routine is priceless.  Mine is bath, book, teeth, bed. For older kids: bath, quiet play or movie, book, teeth, bed. It makes bedtime a known thing. It also makes going to bed while traveling much easier. The familiar is something babies and kids love. 

Have sex with your husband. You may not feel like it but you will be glad you did afterwards. Keep in mind that the "required" trying is only good once a week.  The rest of the time you have to be in the mood or they have to get you there.

If you aren't in the mood have a glass of wine. Hell, have 1 glass of wine a night. Oprah says it's healthy, so it must be.

On a really hard day, have 2 glasses.

There will be really hard days.  This does not mean you are a bad Mom. You rock!  Babies, like adults, have bad days. It is what it is. 

When your kid doesn't sleep don't worry about it. You'll survive. Everyone else did.  It does make me feel better to imagine the day my boys are about 13 years old. I plan to go into their room around 3 am and wake them up just because I miss them and want to cuddle. I doubt I will but it makes me smile just thinking about it. 

And remember, it's your baby. No one knows your baby better than you! If you think there is something wrong, don't hesitate to harass whomever you have to to make it better! And for the same reasons, you don't have to follow everyone's advice.  Do what you know is right for you and yours. 

Got to love apartment living

Apartment drama. My husband got home and I ran down to the street for a quick errand. Imagine my surprise when the ancient woman who lives above me was behind the elevator door.

The poor thing. And I hate the Portuguese word tadinho for poor thing but it's so fitting.  I asked her where she was going and she told me home and pointed to my apartment. I haven't spoken to her before but I know she lives above me. I told her no and that I'd take her home to the 5th floor.

My heart broke when she said "but no one is there and I can't get in".  She thought she must have been at the wrong place because no one opened the door for her. Making my heart break even more, she told me that she went to the wrong apartment they only laughed at her and wouldn't answer any of her questions.

She was in her nightgown, smelled of urine, and I assumed she had locked herself out. The elevator automatically went to the lobby. Someone had called it.  I opened the door and asked the doorman to put a chair in the elevator for her to sit while we went up and figured everything out. She was having trouble standing. 

It, obviously, wasn't the first time this had happened. He took her hand and sat her down in the lobby. He told me he had it under control and not to worry. I came back after my errand and she was still there. 

I was shoo-ed away by the doorman.  I wanted to stay but I felt the need to listen to the sane doorman before the slightly less sane older woman. 

Of course I asked my husband about it when I got home. We have experienced this same thing once before but he had answered the door.  Apparently she is senile and quite dramatic.  She has help during the day and a son who lives with her. Sometimes, if the son works late, she spends a couple of hours on her own.  Personally, I think that's unacceptable.  

I also know that she's had a couple of blow outs in the common hallway, filling them with things that I don't even want to describe.  I can assume life up in that 5th floor apartment isn't particularly easy. 

At the same time, it just broke my heart in two. I hope to have better care when I hit that point.  Personally, I think it'd be better for her to be in a home.  I know, sacrilegious in this country, but she'd have 24 hr care and people experienced in taking care of the elderly. 

Regardless of circumstance, it's just wrong for an older woman to be taken care of in a way where she manages to get locked out, urinate on herself, and roam around a building in her jammies. 

She looked confused and deflated.  I almost adopted her that moment but Daniel won't even let me get a dog. Imagine what he'd do if I brought home an old lady!

Two Kisses or a Wave?

It took me a little while to get used to the double kiss greeting here in Rio de Janeiro.  In the past, I would have a mini anxiety attack when I entered into heavily attended dinner parties. It was the question, do I kiss everyone? Do I have to?? 

I'm used to it now.  I'm a lean mean kissing machine. I can handle a fully attended Brazilian family event like a Brazilian!  Kisses flying here and there, hello hello, tudo bem?

I'm almost too used it actually.  I've found that I feel more awkward meeting people in the states than here.  At home I never quite know what to do anymore.  Do I give them the little wave? It seems so cold. Oh, nice to meet you but I'm not going to touch you.  That's be gross.  Do I shake their hand?  That seems so stiff. It's like I've run into the old vice principal of my high school instead of making a new friend.

All the stateside options seem so distant and at the same time, I can't hug them.  That would make me the creepy person. And if I opt to do the Brazilian kiss, I'd be a poser. I'm American, not Brazilian. Kissing hello here, I'm adapting. Kissing hello there, I'm pretending to be Brazilian. 

I find myself hoping I won't meet anyone new the first week. Give me a week to revert back to my North American ways and then I can be social.  Once that happens, I normally bust out the little wave unless encouraged by the other person to do more.

And should I meet a foreigner, I always give two kisses. I can't do one. It feels so incomplete. I know Mexicans and Paulistas give one kiss but I'm too far gone here in Rio de Janeiro to conform now. 

Of course it's not second nature. I don't kiss my pediatrician on the cheek. It seems weird.  I also can't seem kiss my dentist or maid hello.  I feel it's strange in working relationship, although I do kiss my students hello.  I'm just a big ball of kissing confusion.  I prefer to call it being American.