Who to Fly to Brazil, and in What Position

As packing for our return to Rio begins, I started thinking airlines. Oh, the airline you pick is as important as the condom people. There are some things you just shouldn't skimp on when it comes to quality.

Take American Airlines's from the US to Brazil and vise versa for instance.  It blows like your slutty stepsister.  I don't have enough room in my blog to explain my distaste for this airline.  I know they are the cheapest, but sometimes you have to spend a little more just based on principal.

Where does my hatred for AA come from?  Well, their service sucks, their seats suck, and basically everything sucks without anyone getting off. I just don't see the point in partaking in that kind of madness.

But the straw that broke this camel's back was on a flight back to Brazil from San Diego. I had a stop off in Houston and a layover. No biggie.  Once we got flying again, I popped my international-I-was-childless-and-could valium and was ready to float home.

Imagine my surprise when we started landing.  I thought, "Wow, Either Brazil has gotten closer or that was some damn good valium."

Nope, upon questioning I was informed that we were landing in Miami.  I told the stewardess that she must be wrong because I was not informed of this in San Diego when I checked in, nor did my old fashion envelope sized tickets say anything about an additional stop.

Oh, but didn't I know that it's American Airline's policy that they can add a stop if it is not a significant change.  I'll ask you, do you think my having to deboard and wait through an hour and a half layover was a significant change?  I sure do.

I was informed by customer service that they were in their rights to make that stop. I said "Dandy. And I am in my rights as a client to never fly you again."

Yeah so, I don't fly them.  I had always been miserable flying with them but didn't have a real reason to jump up to the next level. Well, the lack of apology did it folks. That's all it takes. A little, I'm sorry Rachel.  FYI American Airlines: Now it'd take 4 free tickets, international, thank you very much.  Call it inflation. Call it being an opportunist. I call it giving a second chance because I got free tickets. Hey, my heart ain't made of stone people.

But, back to reality.  If you are going to fly from the US to Brazil or vise versa, you should fly Continental.  I like them.  Of course it'll take like 2,000 trips to become elite.  That or I haven't gotten the special favors memo that shows you how to get bumped up more efficiently.  Not that I'm interested. Who's going to bump up a family with small children anyway?  That's why people pay to fly business and first.

Also keep in mind that United and Continental are sisters from other Misters these days. You can use miles and such and they work together. Pretty nice. This trip, we flew Continental from Rio to Houston and then United from Houston to DC.  Not too bad at all. Minus the 7 hr layover, but we saved like $1000 dollars. I can run around an airport with my kids for 7 hours if it saves me that much.

I also enjoy Delta. I find that Delta is good at giving more direct flights from the US into Rio. I know the stop in Sao Paulo isn't a big deal, but it's pretty sweet if you can avoid it.

And we must not forget Varig! I mourn the death of Varig. I'm telling you, they had super comfy seats, the flight attendants just rocked my world with kindness, and the plane was like an all night party.  It was Brazil in the air.  Not to mention, the food was better.  Oh well. You can't have it all, especially when executives are stealing from the company.

What airline do you prefer when you fly wherever it is you go?  

Scream Free Flights?

The New York Times published an interesting article recently about flying, namely flying with kids.  Well, let me rephrase that, it's actually about NOT flying with kids.

What's irritating is the line drawn between families and the childless.  Hello, I want to be on your side!  But if I fly on the child free flight, who's flying with the kids?  Do the family flights come with chaperones?

In all seriousness, suck it up people! Yes, it's annoying to have a screaming kid on a flight. News flash, it's also annoying to their parents, not to mention embarrassing. 

Well, that is unless they're that breed of parent who are afraid of their children. You can tell who they are because their kid throws a tantrum and they go "oh oh oh honey. Let's not... oh oh oh it's ok"  To say I'm not a fan of that parenting style is like saying I'm not a fan of being run over by a car. It's a slight understatement.

And as much as I would like to call Ian Burford of Boston a self-important douche, it's not all the childless traveler's fault.  We parents need to get on the ball.  I travel internationally with my boys and I'm always prepared. 

All principals must go out the window.  If you are a no junk food parent, that can wait until they are off the flight. If you are a no medication parent and the flight is over 6 hours, do us all a favor and drug the little person if they start showing signs of raising hell.  Hell, drug them before they can! We know our kids. Be honest with yourself. If little Johny is a pain in the ass, he's going to be a royal one when trapped on a plane. Prepare accordingly.

And Bribery is your friend on a plane. I bring one new bigger toy and numerous new little toys.  Dance for the banana little monkeys! That's right, DANCE!  Actually, it's sit still and be quiet for the banana but you get my point. 

As for you childless bastards who have to be put out by everything because someone didn't tell you the world doesn't revolve around you, suck it up a little bit.  It's like 6 hours out of your life. Deal.  No one likes a whiner and you are starting to sound more annoying than the kids you are complaining about.  I mean, bitch bitch bitch. Just get together and buy your own plane.

Oh, and don't assume all kids on planes are bad news. Every time I get on a plane with my boys, all the people around me have a panic attack.  I have to talk them down off the ledge. My boys are awesome little fliers and I bust my ass to make sure of that.  A little credit for the non-screamers would be nice, thank you very much!

International Mom tips for the new Mom

My husband's cousin is having a baby the middle of August. As a part of her baby shower, her friends are asking for tips from friends and family to give her as a surprise. The kicker is that she is Brazilian living in Australia.  Her Mother asked me to participate because I'm also an international Mother and family member.  I started writing and found these tips kind of funny. I thought I'd share. I'd also love it if you'd add to the list!  

International Mom tips:

You may feel like you are so ready for your parents to go home after the birth. It's been months for goodness sake and it's time for you and your new family to get into it's own rhythm.  That's true and it's all well and good but be prepared. You will cry. Those damn pregnancy hormones. I was never one to cry for my Mommy but I sure did when she left me alone with a tiny baby. And it lasted for about the first year.  It's ok.  Once you have one, you get your Mom better and it just makes you all the more attached. 

It gets easier every time your family leaves or you leave them. Keep in mind it works progressively so it's pretty hard in the beginning.

Get your baby a passport and use it. Don't be nervous but be prepared. Kids will travel as calmly as the parents let them. If you aren't nervous, they won't be.

You don't need to bring every baby gadget you have when you visit Rio.  We have man power to replace the technology. 

Don't expect your baby to ever be put down when you are visiting your family.  Especially when you are visiting YOUR family!  So many people and everyone will want a turn with the little one.

Only speak in Portuguese to your kid.  English will be a given. It is a part of every day life.  Portuguese will be the exception. Make your home a Portuguese one.

Have your Mom/Dad/Friends bring you all the cool cartoons in Portuguese. Yes, Baby Einstein and Backyardagians are available. 

Have your own traditions and bring your culture there.  My boys have an American Christmas Morning with breakfast, presents, and stockings.  I don't care if they were up partying until 1am and have a lunch later in the day.  They don't either.  It's our tradition and we love it.

Find a good international phone card or long distance carrier.  It makes it a lot easier to call Mom at 4am to ask about the mucus poop diaper, when you know it's not costing you upwards of $1000.  I know you'll have a pediatrician but they aren't your mother.

Here are some regular Mom tips:

Sunday brunch with friends is a great way to see other people and still be in a kid friendly environment. Make it a pot luck and have everyone take turns having it at their place. 

A bedtime routine is priceless.  Mine is bath, book, teeth, bed. For older kids: bath, quiet play or movie, book, teeth, bed. It makes bedtime a known thing. It also makes going to bed while traveling much easier. The familiar is something babies and kids love. 

Have sex with your husband. You may not feel like it but you will be glad you did afterwards. Keep in mind that the "required" trying is only good once a week.  The rest of the time you have to be in the mood or they have to get you there.

If you aren't in the mood have a glass of wine. Hell, have 1 glass of wine a night. Oprah says it's healthy, so it must be.

On a really hard day, have 2 glasses.

There will be really hard days.  This does not mean you are a bad Mom. You rock!  Babies, like adults, have bad days. It is what it is. 

When your kid doesn't sleep don't worry about it. You'll survive. Everyone else did.  It does make me feel better to imagine the day my boys are about 13 years old. I plan to go into their room around 3 am and wake them up just because I miss them and want to cuddle. I doubt I will but it makes me smile just thinking about it. 

And remember, it's your baby. No one knows your baby better than you! If you think there is something wrong, don't hesitate to harass whomever you have to to make it better! And for the same reasons, you don't have to follow everyone's advice.  Do what you know is right for you and yours.