Saturday, August 28, 2010

Oh the Shock

I love the parks in Rio de Janeiro.  When you find a good one, they are beautiful, full of greenery, and have plenty of space to run.  That last part is an issue with my youngest, the runner. He has no fear of losing Mom. Actually, I think that´s his plan. Lose the dead weight.

So here´s an off the wall solution.  Are you familiar with dog shockers?  They are little collars that give an itsy bitsy shock, via remote, when the dog is doing something less than desirable.  Why don´t they have these for toddlers?

Hello, we´ve all heard of Pavlov and time outs at a park are a bitch. I propose a low dose shockage for small children. They run off, shock, they fall over and Mom can get them without a problem. Cruel you say.  Well, yes, in this fruity tutty culture it is.  Actually, it would have been considered cruel during communist ruling in Germany but that is besides the point. 

I tell you, I give the kid one, maybe 2 shocks max, and that behavior isn´t going to continue.  Want to break the pacie habit, pacie shock pacie shock and DONE!  It could work with overly trying teens or wondering husbands. SHOCK SHOCK and DONE! 

I´m just saying, if it doesn´t hurt the dog, maybe it won´t hurt the kid. 

Could you imagine me pitching this in Brazil where they just banned spanking.

And, of course, there would have to be psychological reviews of purchasers pre-purchase. Then there´d be the kinky people buying it for at home pleasure...

I guess I´ll just have to settle for the pretend remote going SHOCK, STOP.  Kind of like my husband and the pretend mute button.  Oh, if only parenting were that easy...

** Disclaimer:  Before the hate mail starts, I´m not a child abuser or anything close to that.  It´s just that, if you are a parent, you´ve had a moment where you wish there was an easy answer button to push to let your kid know it´s not ok to do whatever it is that they are doing. Ask any friends of mine and you´ll know that I run after them, bring them back, and give them the good old Brazilian ay ay ay, we don´t do that.  Enough said.  But humor the crazy and sassy idea of Pavlov and good old positive/negative reinforcement without all the chit chat.  All of us parents have had a moment where we´ve felt our child is more animal than human.  It happens. 


  1. I hear you on this one! I've thought about the harness but haven't brought myself to get one yet. I have to chase after my 2 year old multiple times per day, for her own safety.

    One trick I've recently discovered: If I say "don't lose mama, you don't want to lose your mama, what will you do without your mama?" and more often than not, my little one will stick to my side.

    But it only works sometimes.

  2. The fact that you actually need a disclaimer for a clearly humorous notion to ward off the random 'omg how could you!' is... sad.

    That said, Douglas Adams' On/off switch for kids comes to mind. (Or was it a snooze button? I need to reread the Guide.)

  3. "If we really want a peaceful and compassionate world, we need to build communities of trust where all children are respected, where home and school are safe places to be and where discipline is taught by example."
    Desmond M. Tutu, Archbishop Emeritus, Global Initiative to End All Corporal Punishment of Children, 2006.

    Plain Talk About Spanking
    by Jordan Riak

    The Sexual Dangers of Spanking Children
    by Tom Johnson

    by Lesli Taylor M.D and Adah Maurer Ph.D.

  4. and the above comment would be the reason I need a disclaimer.

  5. Sigh... point taken.