Saturday, August 28, 2010
Oh the Shock
I love the parks in Rio de Janeiro. When you find a good one, they are beautiful, full of greenery, and have plenty of space to run. That last part is an issue with my youngest, the runner. He has no fear of losing Mom. Actually, I think that´s his plan. Lose the dead weight.
So here´s an off the wall solution. Are you familiar with dog shockers? They are little collars that give an itsy bitsy shock, via remote, when the dog is doing something less than desirable. Why don´t they have these for toddlers?
Hello, we´ve all heard of Pavlov and time outs at a park are a bitch. I propose a low dose shockage for small children. They run off, shock, they fall over and Mom can get them without a problem. Cruel you say. Well, yes, in this fruity tutty culture it is. Actually, it would have been considered cruel during communist ruling in Germany but that is besides the point.
I tell you, I give the kid one, maybe 2 shocks max, and that behavior isn´t going to continue. Want to break the pacie habit, pacie shock pacie shock and DONE! It could work with overly trying teens or wondering husbands. SHOCK SHOCK and DONE!
I´m just saying, if it doesn´t hurt the dog, maybe it won´t hurt the kid.
Could you imagine me pitching this in Brazil where they just banned spanking.
And, of course, there would have to be psychological reviews of purchasers pre-purchase. Then there´d be the kinky people buying it for at home pleasure...
I guess I´ll just have to settle for the pretend remote going SHOCK, STOP. Kind of like my husband and the pretend mute button. Oh, if only parenting were that easy...
** Disclaimer: Before the hate mail starts, I´m not a child abuser or anything close to that. It´s just that, if you are a parent, you´ve had a moment where you wish there was an easy answer button to push to let your kid know it´s not ok to do whatever it is that they are doing. Ask any friends of mine and you´ll know that I run after them, bring them back, and give them the good old Brazilian ay ay ay, we don´t do that. Enough said. But humor the crazy and sassy idea of Pavlov and good old positive/negative reinforcement without all the chit chat. All of us parents have had a moment where we´ve felt our child is more animal than human. It happens.