Of course I am living in a machismo country, and an especially machismo city. You don't paint boys' finger nails. You don't give your boys baby dolls. And you definitely clarify that pink is a girls' color... if you are not me.
And while I was prepared for some comments, I didn't realize that EVERYONE in this city would notice his tiny nails.
On our way home from the park, three street girls of about 12 years old stopped me to ask if I had anything I could give them. Since we had walked I really didn't and I told them sorry. We all chatted for a minute about how it is getting cold, I made a mental note to bring out a blanket to give the next time, and we went to enter our building. That's when I heard the:
"Tia?" It means Aunt and is a common way kids refer to unknown women here for some reason.
I turned to listen and all the girls were giggling. The oldest asked "Did YOU paint his nails pink?!" I said yes I did and the Menace, hearing the conversation, turned to proudly show them his nails. "But he's a boy!"
Apparently the machismo societal standards are enforced even by those that very society rejects. Go figure.
Would you paint your toddler's son's nails if he asked?
Sure would. In fact, Aleyna painted Alex's fingernails pink when he was in first grade last year. We cautioned him that he might get made fun of at school but he said he didn't care. And he really didn't, even though they did make fun of him some.
ReplyDeleteYes, YES - YES!! Feel the joy- Feel the Love!!
ReplyDeleteAs a nanny, I did. Sometimes I got in trouble. Now I think, not in public in Brazil.
ReplyDeleteThe machismo apparently goes the other way around, too. I asked my husband how little girls who don't like dresses and prefer sports and ninja turtles to baby dolls are viewed in Brazil. He said people instantly start calling them "macho-femea" (which somehow sounds so much worse than "tomboy," since "macho" and "femea" are typically used to refer to animals' gender rather than humans'.)
ReplyDeleteSo if my future daughters are as averse to feminine things as I was as a child, they'll be in trouble :-/
I would not paint my little boy's nails. I would also not let my little girl wear boy's clothing.
ReplyDeletePaint those nails! My brother painted his nails, wore tutus with me, and played barbies and he turned out just fine. The Menace can hang out with my daughter, who hates dresses and does not have her ears pierced. When we were in Brazil everyone felt like it was there place to tell me how she was a girl and needed to have her ears pierced. My in-laws are just waiting for the opportunity to sweep her away and get it done. She gets earnings for every holiday. Ugh.
ReplyDeleteReminds me of....
ReplyDeletehttp://abcnews.go.com/Health/crew-ad-boy-painting-toenails-pink-stirs-transgender/story?id=13358903#.TsaOuFawXf8
Totally fine to do this. It´s silly that people would mind.
I painted both my kids' nails all the time when they were little. My Boy liked dark colors like green, black or navy blue, especially if it had sparkles (I bought it for him). He loved it, and thought it was super cool until another boy in 1st grade made fun of him. He cried that night and made me take it off, never to wear it again. I wanted to smack that kid who teased him.
ReplyDeleteMy Girl loved it too, the more pink and sparkly the better. Now? Not so much. She sort of tolerates it when I paint her toes. She who was once the girliest of girls is now very much a grown up tom boy, which is fine with me.
lighten up anon...
ReplyDeleteJennifer - ESPECIALLY in public in Brazil!
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't do such a thing. The kid doesn't understand what's happening, the reason he is being made fun of on certains occasions, and I imagine in cruel fashion at times. It just isn't the appropriate age to bring such issues to light, regardless of how silly the prejudice is.
ReplyDeleteI think under 5 or 6 years there is no harm in it. My son does it more often than I wish he did with felt-tip pens, usually with black which looks so ugly! The dead toenail look. And it's a bitch to get off, lasts for days. But no one has ever teased him, and for sure he's not the only boy he knows that does this. They get amusement out of it at this age, they are little artists. If someday someone does tease him, I'm sure that will be the end. They're kids! Let them be kids.
ReplyDeleteAs the parent of precisely zero children I am going to say what I think on this issue. I think that when the kid is old enough to say "I want it/don't want it" they are probably at the age where they're starting to interact with other kids and learn about pressures to conform and everything that goes with it.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure parents want to protect their children from hurtful things, but sooner or later kids will be exposed to it, right? They then have to decide whether they want to say "Screw you" to the naysayers, postpone the "screw you" until later in life, or find a way to fit in. So I'd do it if they wanted, but I wouldn't foist it upon them - not saying that you're foisting anything, just saying it in general :)
I wouldnt paint use nailpolish on a child below a certain age for health reasons - don't they put their fingers in their mouth all the time and end up eating slightly toxic stuff? Other than that I find it important to let children be children and not teaching them their appropriate role behaviour according to society. When my brazilian boyfriend speaks to his 10 year old sister on skype he always tells her how pretty she is - he woulnd't say that to his small brother though.
ReplyDeleteLet the kid like what they like and enjoy it. Seems to me, we sow the seeds for unnecessary gender confusion and homophobia/cruelty when we tell kids their instincts towards beauty are wrong. My husband wears pink, it's a good color and heck! It used to be THE boy color: via Wikipedia's Pink entry: "An article in the trade publication Earnshaw's Infants' Department in June 1918 said: 'The generally accepted rule is pink for the boys, and blue for the girls. The reason is that pink, being a more decided and stronger color, is more suitable for the boy, while blue, which is more delicate and dainty, is prettier for the girl.' From then until the 1940s, pink was considered appropriate for boys because being related to red it was the more masculine and decided color, while blue was considered appropriate for girls because it was the more delicate and dainty color, or related to the Virgin Mary."
ReplyDeleteMy oldest used to do the same thing as my youngest. I stopped allowing after 3 when some bigger kids pointed and laughed at him at the park. In retrospect, I should have let him. Now he will with my youngest and then asks me to immediately take it off because "boys don't do this. the other boys will tease me."
ReplyDeleteI agree with Tim, it is good for them to learn to stand by their choices early on, before it gets really hard. I was just discussing this with my 5 yr old who, gasp, likes a girl puzzle toy. It's the same damn things as the boys only in lighter blues!
Personally though, teasing or not we adults either make too big of a deal or not enough. Heaven forbid we are horrible to our child and paint their nails but bullying is a boys will be boys situation? I think a little perspective is in order
Tom. I mean Tom
ReplyDeleteHow is it possible to deny our children their delights!?
ReplyDeleteF**k bullies! That is our job as adults!
my ex would not even allow a McLanche feliz "girl" toy in the house! I let my 5yr son paint his nails, but only with clear (which is what he wants). He actually only wants to sniff the fumes it seems. I think the way to go is be natural about it. When mine wants his nails painted I don't say no, but I do tell him that most boys don't paint their nails. Of course if my ex knew he would have a FIT!
ReplyDeleteOnly the best boys want to paint their nails... and they do so to spite their homophobic fathers. Some day we will be free.
ReplyDeleteI am thrilled to discover you. you give me hope.
ReplyDeleteDavid
My fiance lives in Rio. Can't get back 'til March. Will be there 4 weeks. Then back to USA to marry. All of my money for the trip was stolen and jewelry, except for...the engagement ring. Feel shattered. Getting a slice of life from Rio really encourages me. I look forward to more.
ReplyDeleteDavid
Children are children are children. People are people. I collect Christmas carolers and don't paint my nails but, if I wanted...we still don't have a world dictator, do we? Have fun boys!
ReplyDeleteDavid
nothing against it, and I'm not homophobic, the paint your nails pink really is something feminine ... And again, I'm not one homophobic Brazilian, but I think ... This is something in our culture to women .. just this is it
ReplyDeleteNot an issue, boys playing BOPE with the Nerf guns...
ReplyDeleteAre we forgetting? What if your son is gay? It's possible... Maybe he feels free to play with colorful nails. To prevent this would be harmful to his sense of confidence. He will need it later in life!
ReplyDeleteTim/Tom - it's all good :)
ReplyDelete