10 Things I like Better: Brazil vs the US

Just wrong

I did the US vs Brazil yesterday and here is where Brazil stands against the US.

1. Coconut water. Sure it's all hip to drink coconut water now in the states but that little box does not compare to a freshly opened chilled real coconut.

2. The beach. I thought I knew the beach before Brazil but I was so wrong. Brazilians do the beach the way it was meant to be done! I can't explain it because it is not a technique, it is an experience.

3. Flakiness. While I hate flakes and flaking, it is really nice to be able to flake when you really want to and not be judged. You will get a little shit initially but since everyone flakes on everyone every once in a while there is a certain flexibility to it. I can not go to a friends party and only get shit about it while on the phone with them. Buy them a beer the next time you meet and all is forgotten.

4. Big lunches. It took me a while to get used to having my main meal in the middle of the day but I have now been converted. Sure I still have a sandwich every once in a while but my body much prefers digesting during waking hours instead of trying to do it while I sleep.

5. Flip flops. Sorry folks but Havaianas are the only acceptable brand and yes you should own a variety of styles and colors.

6. Bathing suits. The bikinis may be small but you don't get a saggy butt and you look better all around (not to mention the fact that they really last!) The speedos the men use are flattering and not creepy like the Italians (no offense). That and why on Earth should men be forced to wear long baggie uncomfortable sand catching shorts? So not fair.

7. Brazilian earrings. I love them all, the expensive ones and the ones sold on the street. Sure you may have to sift through some tacky ones but you will still better your collection by far (and usually it's much easier on the wallet).

8. Delivery. You can get everything delivered! Stuck home with a sick kid? Call the pharmacy and have the medicine delivered. Call your favorite neighborhood restaurant and have lunch brought to you. Hell, go to the grocery store and then leave all your goods behind for the store to bring them over by bike. This is a big plus, especially if you cruise around with 2 little ones like I do.

9. Homemade food. Sure I miss food from home but my eating habits have improved greatly. I hardly ever use my microwave and the only frozen food I eat is previously made homemade food frozen so I can use it at a later date. That being said, I am 10 pounds lighter in Brazil without trying. Coincidence? I think not.

10. The people. No offense to my country but people here are friendlier. You can talk to a stranger's kid without being called a pedophile. Actually, if you didn't pat that random kid's head who stepped on your foot you'd more likely be called an ass. Brazilians love company, friends and family. There is always a lunch or event or random meet up. There are no "private space" issues. You kiss on the cheek hello, goodbye, and constantly use endearing terms with everyone. Brazilians just give out love and it is something the rest of the world should try.

Right

And you?

10 Ways Rio de Janeiro is Spoiling Me

There are certain aspects to middle class life in Rio de Janeiro that are definitely spoiling me.

1. I leave the dishes for the maid when she is coming the next day. Sure, it's her day to work but do I really need to stop cleaning up after myself at 2pm the day prior?

2. Complaining about services. I'm too lazy to take the car and drive to the grocery store, so I go and have the store deliver the groceries to me. The obvious trade for that convenience is the fact that I have to be home to collect them. I always get annoyed after around 30 minutes of waiting. I can't be bothered to carry my own stuff out nor can be bothered to wait. For me that translates into lazy  spoiled.

3. I resist leaving my general neighborhood. I basically have everything I need here and will attempt to stay in the area even though I have a metro and plenty of buses or cabs close by.

4. I love to order for delivery. You think not wanting to leave you neighborhood is bad, try not wanting to leave your house. I love to call and order food for delivery. I doubly love to get stuff from the pharmacy that way. That last one is partly because I am a horrible impulsive shopper at pharmacies. New toothbrushes for everyone!

5. I expect doorman help if I need it. I know it's part of their job but I find it odd that I now consider it a given. Of course I can over-shop and not have hands to open the door, Antonio will get it for me.

6. My kids know how to hail a taxi without having been explicitly told. I have those city gets who take taxis... in my defense, they also take the metro

7. I no longer clean toilets unless I really have to... or my two year old explodes all over the place (I'm not that mean).

8. If I wanted I could actually hire a cook to come into my home and make a weeks worth of meals for my family.

9. I can also easily hire someone to come in just to spend the day ironing all the clothes I own (this is very common).

10. Finally, I live in your vacation destination. 

Will You Be Taking the Sink Too?

I'm getting real estate in Brazil down! I have learned the tricks of the trade and I am here to share them with you.

1. Even if it's attached to the wall it may disappear with their sofa. That whole rule that we have in the states that anything attached stays does not apply here. Light fixtures, kitchen cabinets, and toilet seat covers could all go, among other things.

2. Visit on a rainy day. Windows leak here. Hell, this country is so unprepared for rain that it's shocking. You'd almost think it was a desert state and rain was rare because when rain pours in this tropical world things flood and leak.

3. Look at the garage. Always look at the garage! Some of them, especially the fabulous older buildings with high ceilings, have garages like dungeons. Yes, the above mention leaks drip right onto your car.

4. If you really like the place, go visit 3 different times. One time in the morning, one day when it's raining, and one time in the evening during high traffic. This will give you a hint at how much noise, traffic, and sun you'll be getting in respect to your apartment.

5. Be blunt. Are there kids running around the common areas all hours of the night? Would you leave your keys with the doorman? Why are you selling your apartment? Is this black spot mold or some kind of alternative art?

6. Bring in a plumber and electrician. Make sure you know them. Have them look at everything they can. Most likely you'll have to do some kind of work but at least this way you'll have an idea as to how much.

7. Check the paperwork and do not believe the Realtor when they say it is perfect. Realtors seem to have a different definition of perfection in that it means almost perfect. Save yourself the drama of arguing during the paperwork process and check them out yourself! You just need a couple of numbers and you can look online. (I don't have the link right now. Anyone know it?)

8. Ask about building maintenance. Have they been updating things like the pipes etc? If not you have a good chance at dealing with construction and extra condo fees.

9. Count outlets! There's a lot of info entering your head when you are looking at a place but I have come to realize that outlets are bitch in this country! You will go to apartments that only have 1 in the living room for goodness sake. FYI, if you aren't planning on breaking wall, putting in a couple more is a bit of a pain in the toosh. Count them!

10. Ask: Has the building changed to natural gas? Has the electrical system been updated to the new one? And the most important, for internet people like myself, which internet companies work here?

There are many many more tips but this is a basic outline. You have to be hardcore, ADD proactive with apartments in this country! Look, think about it, and go back. If it is too good to be true then maybe it needs a second look or buy it now before someone else does. It's a crazy real estate world down here. Be prepared!

What would you add?

10 ways to Tell Your Children are Brazilian

1. By 2 years old they either say their team is Flamengo or they say that Flamengo is bad.

2. They willingly wear sweaters when it's 60 degrees outside.

3. They correct the Portuguese of foreigners.

4. They yell at the TV during a game with the same ease as the adults.

5. You can't manage to get them to bed before 10pm.

6. You can't manage to wake them up before 8am.

7. They give the entire 300 family members a kiss on the cheek at the family lunch without a second thought.

8. They have their park posse, their school posse, and quite possibly their beach posse.

9. Lojas Americanas is their happiest place on Earth.

10. Pão de Queijo is their breakfast of champions.

10 Things They Didn't Tell Me About Rio

Photo by: http://www.turismo.gov.br/turismo/home.html

1. That when they said that there are a lot of hot people at Posto 9 in Ipanema they weren't exaggerating!

2. That living here would make me miss super lame things like quality Tupperware and cheap zip-lock baggies.

3. That some Dude with pineapples on his head selling, you guessed it, pineapples would scare the absolute crap out of me while sitting on the beach!

4. That I'd be less internet and tech savvy than my Brazilian friends.

5. Not to mention less stylish.

6. That I was supposed to look cute to go to the gym! Sorry, that is one thing I refuse to adapt to.

7. That it's actually comfortable to run on the beach in a bikini. I do have to thank genetics for that one as I sport smaller breasts just like many of the sporty Brazilian ladies.

8. That I can bring my kids to the bars. Hell, I can bring them to bars, restaurants, music festivals, art shows, and any other "adult" activity.

9. That rice, farofa, potato salad and meat make a complete meal. Personally it sounds like a gassy constipation making machine but it seems to work.

10. That I would fall in love and lose my will to leave. 

10 Ways to Tell You are NOT Brazilian

1. Cake is NOT a breakfast food
2. Coffee is a morning beverage, NOT a Morning, Noon, afternoon, snack time, and evening beverage.
3. 18 degrees C (64 F) is NOT an acceptable reason to put gloves on your child.
4. You do NOT try to negotiate the price of the valet
5. You watch your child playing soccer, NOT cheer and yell as if at Maracana.
6. You sometimes eat just rice, no beans included.
7. Some days you don't eat rice at all *GASP*
8. If you drink 8 beers you get drunk.
9. All that meat is making you constipated.
10. You think a novela is a book. 

Brazilian Things that Make Me Go "Huh?"

In all the time I've lived in Rio de Janeiro there are some things I still do not get. Here's the list:

1. The obsession with babies and socks. It could be 104 degrees but their toes are cold. They've melted off and onto the sidewalk but I'll scoop them up and put them into socks if it makes you happy.

2. The one piece workout suit. Please refer to the above photo. I'm sorry but regardless of the make up and attempt at edgy accessories, the 80s are over and they want their jumpsuit back.

3. Kids at bars. No, not all bars but at some street bars. Personally, I like to drink without the company of preschoolers. Just saying.

4. That cold floors give people colds. Seriously, people say that. It gives them a cold. I thought science existed and thus stopped this kind of madness.

5. How weather changes cause colds. I thought it was pretty well known that viruses cause them. Coincidentally viruses tend to be common around the same time as fall, aka weather changing time. Am I the only one who has heard of science?

6. Coca Cola and toddlers. Why not just give them crack?! And no, the argument that they love it does not fly. How do they know what it is in the first place?! Btw, I had to practically backhand the family to keep the coke away from my boys.

7. Avocado and milk Vitaminas (smoothies). Sure, your avocados are sweet and you add sugar but it's still nasty! I'll take my avocado on a salad thank you very much. You go ahead and think I'm the crazy one.

8. Sleeping over at your adult boyfriend's parent's apartment. Talk about a walk of shame... right into the living room. It's culturally ok and my husband expects me to open the doors for our boys when they are older. FYI, this is a future blog post.

9. The live-in maid. Maybe in a mansion but in my tiny ass apartment that barely fits my collection of American Girls dolls... Did I just say that out loud? Ignore it. I'm lying.

10. Black beans with spaghetti pasta. My boys LOVE it. When they won't eat anything else, they'll eat this. It makes me gag. Oh well, Iron and Carbs...

10 Reasons Why any Woman Would be Jealous of Kate Middleton

Photo: Peter Morrison/AP

Apparently Brazil has Royal Wedding fever just like everyone else. While roaming the internet, I stumbled upon their article As 10 razões para qualquer mulher invejar Kate Middleton.

I was curious as to what a Brazilian publication deemed the best qualities of Great Britain's future Princess Kate. I translated it for your reading pleasure:

10. She comes for a well off family. (while it's understood that she is a commoner, she is so very much not poor)
9. She is simply beautiful.
8. She is discrete and kind.
7. She dresses like few people know how. (Got to love a future princess with style)
6. She has her own Barbie. (I am personally jealous of this one)
5. Her love story was turned into a movie.
4. She received Diana's engagement ring. (While beautiful, I don't know if this is necessarily a good thing...)
3. She has the approval of the Queen. (I bet Camilla knows how hard that was)
2. She has all that it takes to be the Queen of Great Britain. (Apparently the majority of Brits are on Team William so she just may be the next lady in charge)
1. She's going to marry a real prince.

Prince William, you seem to have yourself a keeper there. Personally, I was very pleased with the Kate Middleton engagement news. This is a shocker seeing that I am 1. American and 2. live in Brazil not England. But still, what girl doesn't like to see a commoner like herself marry a prince.

Actually, after once again referring to the above list, I am nothing like Kate Middleton. Well, aside from the discrete and kind part. Yes discrete! I'm sure it'd be the first word you'd use to describe me, followed by delusional of course.

Anyway, there you have it. Brazil is just yet another country in love with Kate.  I am curious to see if the
extravaganza of the Prince William and Kate Middleton wedding will make headlines here too.

So what do you think of the future Princess of Great Britain? Will you be watching the wedding? Do you care at all?

Check out the Veja Article Here. It is in Portuguese but you can still look at the pictures.

10 reasons I love being married **

10.  I could be walking around in my granny panties and he'd still want to have sex with me.  Ok, I'm the only one he technically can have sex with but I'll take it.
9.  The appreciation of my keeping myself up instead of the expectation of it.
8.  Knowing that we're in it together. By it I mean everything
7.  That my knowing his daily schedule does not make me a stalker
6.  Enjoying each other without the stress of impressing each other
5.  Being able to fart
4.  Having a guaranteed date to your annoying friend's wedding.  Your husband/wife can't say no.  That would just be wrong.
3.  After years together, still being excited about the years to come.
2.  Guaranteed lay
1.  Getting to spend the rest of my life with my best friend and my best lover.  Yes, I know. I just threw up in my mouth too. 

**  By married I mean all relationships in which people are committed to being together for life.  Who is the government to decide who can and can't marry.  Politicians commenting on the sanctity of marriage?  That's ironic.

10 favorite things about living in Rio

10. The weather. Sun, sun, and more sun.
9. There's always something somewhere to do
8. The parks: parque lage, Catete Palace, Aterro, etc.  Sure there may be some crazies but it's still a good place to visit.
7. Leme beach for kids
6. The scenery- Take a walk/run on Aterro or the beaches (Leblon, Ipanema, Copacabana). It's beautiful
5. The people - very sweet, sometimes crazy, always supportive and social
4. The food - enough said
3. The love of life, the love of living, the art of enjoying the life you are living. They have that down here
2. You never know when you'll run into live music. It may be at 8am in the park, noon in a plaza, midnight in the street.
1. The love and acceptance of children. You can truly take them anywhere in this city.