Mashed Potatoes with a side of Hemorrhoids

So what's for dinner tonight?  Steak and mashed potatoes.  Awesome! Some down home cooking for this lady and her family.

Did I mention that the potatoes are powdered and come in a bag?

I will never forget what a proctologist once said to me in Rio de Janeiro (see post here TMI).  He went off, "You Americans and your Instant Mashed Potatoes! Who the hell doesn't have time to make real Mashed Potatoes! And that's why you have hemorrhoids, that and your sauces."

I was like, Dude, you summed up all our food right there: instant, powered, and sauce.  Thank goodness he didn't mention hot dogs and potato chips.  I would have had to throw down then.

But he was so right!  As fast, fun, and easy for the whole family as that envelope of powdery goodness can be, it's kind of nasty.  There really can't be any potato in that bag.  Trust me, I've burned potatoes down to powder and it doesn't look like that.

I can't lie though, I'm tempted to use them.  It's just so easy.  Rip, pour, and mix. I don't even have to use milk. It's uncountable calories, saturated fat, and no nutrition mixed into one tasty side dish.  I can't image the trouble they went to finding the right mix of chemicals to get that real butter flavor. Now that's effort with a capital I-will-not-let-one-drop-of-real-food-get-into-this.

Oh well, when in Maryland, do as the Marylanders do.

I'll just call the above mentioned doctor when I get home and make sure he does entire families.  At least this time I can convincingly tell him that I am not having anal sex, just eating instant mashed potatoes. I don't know which he'll be more annoyed with.

Mommy is done

Being a mother is great. I love it. But there are times I wish I had a flashing sign that said closed or even no vacancies.  I'm tired of worrying about what food is and is not eaten. How many veggies vs how many fruits consumed. Are they drinking too much milk?  Oh dear that poop was way too soft? Is 7 poops in a day normal?  Have they gotten cuddled enough?

I'm tired of figuring out how to explain to a 3 yr old what is inside of us. What is inside a tree. What is under the ground, and when you manage to answer that, what is under that.  I'm tired of figuring out when we should wean off the bottle and how. How to get a pacie away. Why should we even take it away?  Are they going to take it to college? If they do, doesn't it really become their problem and not mine? 

How do I know when and how they are supposed to sleep?  What wolverine figurine wants for dinner?  How to get them to actually sit at a table?  How am I supposed to do all this and keep my place from looking like a toxic waste dump? 

The crazy thing is I do know how.  And if I don't I figure it out.  And I do have a sign. It says Open 24 hours including Christmas. 

And you know what, I love it.  I LOVE it! But today I'm tired. And right now, at 7:01pm, I'm on break.  I'll be back at 7:02pm. Kids, please try not to kill anyone.