Birthing Around the World with Bundchen

Picture from: http://berkshireonstage.com/

Gisele Bundchen is talking about birth again and it's not to tell us how to do it! Ms. Bundchen is using her fame for good instead of evil and is now plugging her friend/midwive's project: Birthing Around the World. 

"The initiative was created by the midwife and neonatal nurse Mayra Calvetti and her husband, the businessman Enrico Ferrari. Since October 2011 they embarked on a special journey. Their goal is to visit 30 countries over nine months and learn about the different birthing methodologies used all over the world in an effort to help promote the humanization of birth. They started by traveling to Europe and have already been in countries where the public health system works and encourages natural childbirth like England, Netherland and Germany."

I think this is a wonderful and amazing project. Pregnancy and birth are not disorders or illnesses to take care of. Brazil desperately needs to change this perception. I will never forget meeting a woman at the hospital here in Rio de Janeiro. I was waiting for my ultrasound appointment and she was in the early stages of labor. Of course we started chatting. Yes, it would be stranger to not chit chat with a random person while waiting in a lobby in the early stages of labor than chit chat. 

She told me that she was waiting for her OB and that she really hoped the doctor would get there before it was too late for a c-section. I couldn't hide my shock! Hell, I can hardly hide my shock in normal circumstances but when super hormonal and after hearing something insane there was no chance in hell. 

I asked her why on Earth she would opt to have a c-section. She replied that she was scared of natural birth. I told her that getting your abdomen cut open was far scarier, takes way longer to heal, and seriously messes up your abs. She didn't care. She said she would try everything to make sure that child came out via c-section. 

So please help us down here Gisele, Mayra and Enrico. Goodness knows the population needs some sense talked into them and the doctors a good old fashioned bitch slap. 

Check out the first video of the trip:

Do you think this will make a difference? 

Confessional: I have Baby Fever!

Baby fever hit me yesterday. While it may not come as a shock to close friends and family (all who say I have another one in me), it's a shock to me!

It happened when my 4 year old said he wanted his own baby. I thought he literally meant his own. He meant for me to have one and thus it would be his. He said, and I quote "If I had my own baby I would be able to touch, cuddle, and kiss him whenever I want." Back story: A friend of ours has a 3 month old whom he's obsessed with.

Seriously, that would be enough to light the fire for most Moms. And it did get me thinking. My boys are growing fast, I'm a young Mom, I'm never going to get to sleep again, and I have no money. Having a baby would only continue the ongoing trend.

Problem is that I live in Rio de Janeiro. I've always imagined 3 children being hell here. Let's be honest, my "large" apartment is tiny once you add children, private schools cost a small fortune, and general kiddie keep up costs are double the norm down here.

None the less, I'm imagining a huge belly, unsafe sex with my husband, and long nights breastfeeding paired with early mornings with preschoolers.

I have officially gone mad!

Don't get all scared for me just yet. I am hormonal this week. I also suffer from phases of baby wanting, although this is the strongest yet.

But it just isn't practical.

Well neither is marrying a man you've lived with for 2 months, moving to Rio de Janeiro with him, and taking up blogging. Oh baby, the cards are really stacked up on both sides aren't they.

Obviously though, I need my husband to support this. While he may, out of general man-weakness, agree to let me siphon out the goods and do it myself, I really don't think he'd consciously support this baby idea.

What the hell am I thinking anyway?! I'm on the verge of parental freedom! My youngest is out of diapers and entering pre-schoolerhood in the next year. My oldest already knows I'm far less cool than everyone else. I'm almost semi-interdependent.

What do you think? Is baby #3 a crash and burn idea or just another part of life in the fast lane? Should I go for freedom or add another couple of years to my life-sentence?

Are you Annoying or Am I PMSing?

The world was out to irritate me today. I have no idea why everyone and everything decided to be so annoying. Obviously I was the only consistent factor in the steady stream of annoyances but that's not significant.

No no, I'm bright and chipper today. It's that special time of the month where women are extra kind and sexier. I'm just feeling the love.

Before you go and scream Too Much Info, it's kind of obvious that I menstruate. I mean, I am a woman and have procreated twice. No virgin Mother here. The machine is working 100%.

Per protocol, I woke up and announced the arrival of Mr. Rant's archenemy. I'm a fair wife and like to give him a fighting chance.

So it came as a huge surprise that Mr. Rant decided to be short with me today of all days. I mean, I have to be semi-pleasant 3 whole weeks a month. Today semi was off the table.

And that is when close quarters and an overly friendly culture get to me. You see, the first day of this special week I'm 110% American. I need space, silence, people not to say hello to me on the street, and to overeat without being asked if I'm pregnant.

Really, is it so much for a woman to ask for a full day to be a complete snatch, eat their significant other out of house and home, and then to make them watch a chick flick while complaining about the type of pizza that she herself ordered?! 

Hey Gisele, shhhhhhhhh

I really try not to hate Gisele Bundchen. This struggle started when I was an insecure little thing starting college.  There she was, the epitome of woman, walking runways all over the world and staring life in the face. I was jealous.

I got over my hatred of the super duper model.  Took some time but as I grew into myself, I could appreciate someone elses beauty without comparing.

And then she had to go and have a baby.  Ok, the initial annoyance with her was of no fault of her own.  It was my bad, my issues.  And now you ask? It's so her fault!

I'm happy for her that she had such an easy labor.. But then to talk to the newspapers like, 'of course I did! It's only childbirth, you just hop into your tub and pop out a baby.'  I'm just waiting for her to say she really doesn't make much money modeling but shits gold.

We'll let that slide though.  It's a good thing that a famous woman is so open about natural birth. She is doing society a favor by pushing natural and/or vaginal births. I say natural and/or vaginal because it has been brought to my attention that they are different things... I'm going to choose to hold my tongue on that one for now.

So good for Gisele! She's beautiful, rich, and had an easy natural labor.  She must have led a good past life!  But she really pissed me off when she talked about pregnancy weight. Here's her quote:


I did kung fu up until two weeks before Benjamin was born, and yoga three days a week. I think a lot of people get pregnant and decide they can turn into garbage disposals. I was mindful about what I ate, and I gained only 30 pounds.

I think I just threw up in my mouth. This is where I have to say Shut Up.  Pregnancy is not always simple. The last thing women need to do is worry about their weight. I'm not saying you should go and put on 40, 50, 60lbs. And she did put a healthy amount of weight on but the way she phrased it sucks.  The, I'm holier than thou, is hitting me in the face.  I have seen many woman worry about how much weight they are gaining in pregnancy enough that it could potentially hurt the baby.  Of course I've also seen the other side.

The point being, pregnancy weight is not about how you will look afterward. It's about gaining and eating well for the development of your baby!  I know a Vegan woman who stuck to her diet and gave birth to an over 9lb baby!  I ate a little bit of everything possible, gained 39 lbs, and had a 8lb 4 oz baby.  It's important what you eat. You should try to eat healthy but not because of the weight but because of the baby.  It's a balance between too much and too little, kind of like life.  It worries me that some poor girls out there are going to read Gisele's comments and stick to diets that are not in the best interest of their unborn child. 

Let's not even get into the difference of means. She stopped working to enjoy the special pregnancy period, had private exercise classes, and has pimp genetics!  Not pimp like you are my ho but pimp meaning awesome. I should have just said awesome...
 
Anyway, stop the woman on woman hate!  That also goes for Mommy on Mommy hate!  We have it hard enough, do we really need a millionaire supermodel telling us how to do pregnancy?  If I want to turn into a cow and then complain about it, that's my prerogative.  I did do it too, my second pregnancy.  I don't recommend it.  Gaining 49lbs is a bit much.

PS. Gisele, coming from a friend, shhhhhh. Just sit and look pretty. You come off like a bitch when you talk.