Realtors are Sneaky Ninjas

At least they are in Rio de Janeiro. That or they are spies. Currently, I am getting daily calls from random new realtors. They flock to shelling apartments like bees to honey. Actually, it's more like flies to another sticky substance...

Do they show up and say "Hey, I work in the industry and would like to leave my card with you?" Nope! They actually try to sneak past my doorman. Hello, if you were a good Realtor you'd know my doorman can smell you from a mile away. He's been doorman-ing for about 100 years now, at this building.

It still amazes me though when I get the intercom call from my doorman Mr. A. It goes like this:

A: "Rachel, are you expecting Pedro? He says you are expecting him."
Me: "Who's Pedro? I do not have an appointment scheduled with a Pedro"
A: "He smells like Realtor. Let me call you right back."

Two and a half seconds go by. RING

A: "He is a realtor all right. He said he already invited a client and was hoping you'd let him show them your apartment."
Me: "Would you please tell him that I do not show my apartment to people without an appointment and to Realtors who I have not contracted."
A: "I already have but I will tell him that you confirmed it."

It's really easy to be a bitch when you have a middle man doing the bitch part for you. But Mr. A is totally into it because it's about building safety. It's also about your relationship with your doorman. There must be open communication and you must back them up.

I will say, after all this I may just stay just for my doormen! Each and every one has seen through the weak tales and lies told by new realtors trying to get the lowdown on my place. I have actually been in the process of leaving the building while they rip a realtor's story to shreds. They didn't even give me a sideways glace. No one knows it's my place unless they make it in.

I'm kind of starting to feel like an exclusive club with badass bouncers!

The truth is, the real estate market here is a tough one. The competition is fierce and every real estate company is selling the same apartments as the others. The Realtors go around, on their own accord, and look for the freshest meat to throw out into the feeding frenzy.

And good luck to them, but this girl is going to do it the safe and secure way! 

Rio de Janeiro Realtors: The Slow Road to Insanity

We are looking for apartments here in Rio de Janeiro and it is literally driving me insane! Oh and by 'we are looking' I actually mean I am doing the hustling.

Me, right here, I'm the find the golden nugget in the pile of poo girl for this family. And that's ok. Really, I'm a bit creepy in that I like to poke around other people's apartments. I enjoy seeing what's on the market and how people live.

So the actual physical looking isn't that bothersome. It's the male Realtors. No they are not sexually harassing me. Apparently that ship has sailed and I'm officially an old married lady.  It's the fact that they need to talk to the penis of the household.

I swear to you, if one more of these little bastards asks to call and talk to Mr. Rant "just to touch base," I'm going to hit someone. And you know what, I'm going to hit them with my penis! That's right, this girl right here is the one who has the "penis" in the household!

While my husband is a "Man," I am the woman. Happy wife = happy life. Let's face it, we women have a lot of decision power in the relationship.

And I've obviously have had it up to here with the need Realtors feel to call my husband. That's why I got annoyed with the Realtor yesterday. He was insisting that he should call and get to know my husband. Just have a little chat on the phone and invite Mr. Rant to his office. It started to sound like he was looking for a new bromance or something.

When I asked why, he said so that Mr. Rant knows who is showing me apartments. So my husband feels secure with our interactions.

Too bad I don't have a governess. Life would be so much easier.

I then asked if he thought my husband didn't trust me. It was really unfair of me, I know, but it pisses me off. At the same time, I like to blame Mr. Rant when I don't want to give a definite answer. "I must check with my husband and see if that paperwork is available." Or, "I'm not sure if Mr. Rant would approve of this street."

I kind of made my own bed except that they didn't give me much of an option. I am constantly being talked over. The moment I mention checking with my husband they actually listen to me. They say something like "oh that's correct(Portuguese translation). You do need to talk to him."

Yes, and I also need him to wipe my ass. You can imagine how bad it gets when he's on a business trip.

It's just the way this area seems to work. No matter how much I say or declare what I want, they only listen the moment Mr. Rant happens to answer the house phone and tells them the exact same thing.

To give them the benefit of the doubt, it may also be because I'm a foreigner. I have one sweet Realtor who insists on asking me  if I am understanding him after every two sentences. I've met up with him 3 separate times! You'd think at this point it'd be established that I understand what he's saying.

As frustrating as all this is, I'm really starting to think I may be a part of the problem. My so-called direct/indirect nature may not be suited for small-talk and interactions such as these.  I think I may just need to put on my big boy pants and run things my way. 

For example: No sir, you can not call my husband. I'm the one in charge! (more like he's really busy but we'll keep that to ourselves)