I live in a Nanny culture. Middle and upper class Brazilians are very accustomed to having this extra help. Much of the time, the nanny is the full time maid who babysits when it's needed. Let's be honest, how much work does a maid have in an apartment that's smaller than a McDonalds.
What kills me are the weekend Nannies! Since I'm not super opinionated, just a smidgen, I'll give license to the parents who do hang with the kids on the weekends and just bring the nanny with them for an extra hand. Hell, I'd love that for myself!
What gets me are the weekend nannies hanging around sans parents. I'm not talking occasionally either. I can name at least 4 little kids at from neighborhood park who cruise Nanny-style every weekend.
I got the opportunity to chat with one of these weekend nannies one day at the park. You see, I already knew the children and the weekday nanny from said park and chatting started as the kids played. I finally got up the nerve to ask where the parents where. I mean, it was 10 am on a Saturday!
I was very seriously informed that 'both parents are very important doctors. They work very hard.'
I see. Doctors are on-call normally. It's a stressful job. I totally get it.
That's when she added, 'so they need their rest during the weekend.'
What?
Apparently they did not work weekends nor were they ever really on-call. But they worked hard all week so they preferred to have a drink on Friday and sleep in/rest on Saturdays.
Did they not get the memo that you need the sleep deprivation patch in order to be considered honorary parents?
And it doesn't stop even close to there. I actually had a student, the one who offered me a job, tell me that I needed to go after a career for myself. He was worried about me. Plus his children were raised by nannies and turned out just fine.
Fair enough, but here's the thing, I did not have children to hire someone to raise them! I get daycare. I get needing to make a living. I TOTALLY get needing a night out every week. But to have someone literally raise your children? No, you do not get to have your cake and eat it too!
Before you get me wrong, my outrage isn't because I don't get the sleep/freedom/free time. It's not even because I think the kids are not being raised right. You get yourself a good nanny down here and she's capable of schooling any mother upside down and sideways. It's the family, the life, and love that both parents and kids are missing out on.
I highly believe that half the parenting happens while soothing a sick child as they vomit on you. I think you bond as you play soccer or tell them NO. We grow up together, the kids absorbing the little cool the parents have left and the parents becoming warn down grandparents with stories to tell.
It's not easy being a parent and I can see how these new ones with nannies get sucked into handing the baby over to "better" care. I can't even tell you how many times I've seen a nanny take a small baby out of Mommy's hands because baby is fussing. Honestly, the reason I don't have one is because she would have been bitch slapped at that exact moment and I would have been sued.
All this being said, I know a countless number of families who have the help and are just as involved as I am. Of course they have washed hair, manicured nails, and can afford fat pants instead of dieting.
And to top it all off with a generalized cherry, I was once told that I don't like help because I'm too American. We Americans are overly accustomed to doing things ourselves and can't manage to delegate tasks to the help.
Well, that sounds a hell of a lot better than my being annoyed by sharing my 2 foot box called an apartment with yet another person because THIS American is used to homes with space!
Personally, it comes down to wanting to do it myself with my boys. I want to be the one running around with them. Plus, I feel lost with absolutely no housework. I don't think it's good that my attention is only on the kids and the kids have no chores themselves. That being said, I feel a maid twice a week does no harm at all. And you know what, you can't convince me otherwise!
