Wordless Wednesday: Playing

What NOT to Buy your Spouse for Brazilian Father's Day

Brazilian Father's Day is right around the corner. Have you gotten a special something for that Brazilian Father of your babies? Here is a guide as to what you should NOT get him this year. 

1. A Soccer shirt from the wrong team. People, the one thing a Brazilian man is faithful to is his team. Remember it!
2. A trip to the man beauty parlor. While chic, having that nasty toe picked apart and cleaned is really a gift for you. 
3. Man lingerie. They want the sex but without the mocking.
4. Couples Samba lessons. Who is that gift really for?
5. A day alone with the kids. Family time is good but babysitting does not make for a relaxing Father's Day.
6. A personalized picture tie. Let's just make sure he'll get made fun of at the office. 
7. A picture of you and the kids for his desk. This is more of a reminder for the hot secretary. No need to wait for a commercial holiday to gift it.
8. A bike to help him get into shape, that is unless he specifically asked for it. You wouldn't like to receive a step machine to help you out with your post baby ass, would you? I didn't think so.
9. Creepy laser portrait paperweight of the family. I get the heebie jeebies just looking at the pictures on the site!
10. The book: Penis Enhancement Surgery: A Self Help Guide For Men

Ask Rachel: Moving to Rio!

Q. Dear Rachel,

I recently found your blog on living in Rio from the ExPat blog and find it quite entertaining.  So many of the things you identify as Brazilian are things that I thought were peculiarities of my husband :)  God help me now that we are considering of moving to Brazil, I am going to lose my critical mass here in the States!

 My husband has a job offer and we are thinking seriously about moving to Rio in the next few months.  My husband is Brazilian and grew up in Recife. We have been living in the States for the past five years. That said, Rio would be new to both of us. I would love to hear any advice you have on moving to Rio and what areas are reasonable to live in. (I have read about your nightmares with realtors.) Do you live in the city or in the surrounding areas?   We have a 2 year old daughter, but I am not keen on moving to a suburb right off as I feel it might be harder to meet people and adjust. Any advice? My husband spent the weekend trying to get an idea of rentals, but it seems to be a tough market. 

Thanks in advance!    


A. I live in Rio de Janeiro, in Zona Sul. Renting in Zona Sul is difficult. As an expat and a Brazilian from another city, I suggest trying to live in Zona Sul initially. Will your husband's company help with rentals? With hiring your husband are they treating him as an expat hire? If so, they should be very helpful with rentals, schools, and general adaptation. 

If not, and even so, I suggest you look into the most popular neighborhoods like Ipanema and Leblon. If you are open to being a bit more native (and enjoying a slightly lower cost of living) I would also check out Flamengo and Laranjeiras. This also depends on where your huband's job will be located. For example, if his office is in downtown Rio de Janeiro (centro), my advice is right on. If he will be working in Barra, I suggest living in Barra. The commute to Barra and vice versa will take precious hours away from quality family life. You should realize that working in Brazil means that your husband will be working A LOT! There's no "it's 5pm and the work day is done" here. Most likely he'll also have to travel. You want to be somewhere you feel comfortable and have friends. 

It's also easier to find an apartment to rent when actually in Rio de Janeiro. If that means your hubs has to come before you and your daughter, so be it. If that is not an option you can always live in an aparthotel at the beginning. They are essentially extremely small apartments/hotels where you have all the conveniences of hotels with a sort of apartment life. They have them in every neighborhood. 

I also imagine you are nervous when it comes to adapting your daughter. While Rio de Janeiro is big city living, it is also very child friendly. You will find that you can take her everywhere. There are also nice and nice enough parks in every neighborhood. You should consider joining a country club. Some companies have connections and discounts for this.  They come in all ranges. For example, the Flamengo club in Leblon is reasonably piced and also very nice. The Club Paissandu in Leblon that is much nicer and less reasonably priced. There are many clubs to choose from and they can make daily life much easier for a expat Mom in Rio.

Food will also be an adaptation. Milk is different here. It tastes weird. It can sit on a shelf. It's just strange all around. Kids seem to get used to it anyway. Food is mainly homemade. If you love to cook and am a foodie, Rio de Janeiro is your heaven. You can buy plenty of cheap fresh veggies, fruits, fish, and proteins. Of course, if you are not it could be your hell.  Thankfully most restaurants deliver and you can hire a cook who comes to you place one day a week and cooks for the entire week. There's also the maid option. I have someone twice a week to clean and cook lunch. Many people choose to have someone full time. This depends on the family. 

All and all, I think that expats generally discover that living in Rio de Janeiro is amazing. The more open you are to it the more open it will be to you. You have an edge seeing that your husband is Brazilian. We should meet up sometime seeing that Mr. Rant's Mother is from Recife and Father is from João Pessoa. If you have the chance, you should visit the NE of Brazil (if you haven't already). It is truly amazing! 

Lastly, if you are set on a house, go live in Barra. You can find reasonably priced houses with a kind of yard there. They are in gated communities and are safer than houses in Zona Sul. You will have to be prepared for a lack of space. Cariocas are used to close quarters. Apartments and houses in Barra are generally larger. In Zona Sul you will have to fight and pay for a larger apartment. Houses are an entirely different story. If you are renting on your own in Zona Sul, principally Ipanema and Leblon, I recommend going to see apartments with all necessary papers in hand and possibly a blank check. It's quite competitive now and not uncommon for you to call back to an apartment the following day only to find out it has already been rented. My neighborhood (Laranjeiras/Flamengo) is more size/price friendly but renters lean heavily towards Brazilians over expats and companies. 

This is a lot of info I am vomiting out on you right now. Let me know if it brings up any other questions! 

Think about Rio, it is a great place! I choose it over the states daily. 

What would all of you add?

Just Wrong!

Early morning bleacher in Leme

I've mentioned this annoying and nasty Carioca habit here before. I just don't get it. Who in their right mind would think it's kosher to bleach their body hair on the beach?! Sure the sun makes it happen faster but I think people should look at it another way. There are certain things that are better done in the privacy of your own home at a slower rate than in public.

It is just tacky tacky tacky! I once saw a women let her young daughters use her leftovers. They were so excited to take part in the bleach fest. Teach them early I guess. The best part is that these women even bleach their mustache. It's hard to see in the picture but this statue of beauty is sporting a white bleach stripe below her nose. 

You have to admit though, only Carioca women would have such big balls as but mustache bleach on the beach.

Would you do this? Have you done it? Be honest now!

Brazilian Child Star talks Anal

So this is old news but I am still going to talk about it. Sandy, a Brazilian version of Marie Osmond only younger, apparently mentioned anal sex in an interview with Playboy magazine. The magazine quoted her as saying something along the lines of "anal sex can be pleasurable."

Well the Brazilian side of Twitter nearly spontaneously combusted at the news. Of course Ms. Sandy went to Twitter to say she never has and never will talk about her sex life. Playboy magazine said they have the video of the moment. This is all big news down here, or was last week anyway, because she is a goody two-shoed good girl.

News flash! Even nice girls like to get laid. I know we are not supposed to say it out loud (like how I slid myself right into that category) but we do. Second news flash, sex is fun.

So this brings me to a conversation I had with friends last night. Why is it that we women have this stigma. If you don't have sex with enough people you are prude and if it's with too many than you are a whore. The entire international group agreed that Brazilians seem to be much more flexible with "the number" and do not scare quite as easily.

My impression of Cariocas, for example, is that a woman can have one night stands without much backlash. That and I have yet to hear about people asking about "the number." I wonder, with all ficando (hooking up) and intersexing, are numbers not important? Have Brazilians sexually evolved past keeping count?

At the same time, how can a country parade naked women every year at Carnaval and then be shocked over one woman's mention of anal? Isn't that a double standard? Of course Sandy was Devassa's Carnaval girl this year and it got just as much attention and criticism. So does that mean that Brazil does have the separation of the good and bad girls just like everyone else?

I really can't tell with all the nudity and making out. Where is the line?

As for good girl vs bad, why do we still have this stigma? Do you think it's beneficial or detrimental to society?  Have we or will we ever evolve past sexual judgement?